(no subject)
so i know that my brakes have been really bad lately. i mean this is not my first car (truck) and i know what brakes sound like when they're going bad and starting to scrape. mine were way past that. plus the power steering fluid keeps leaking out from somewhere. so i go to the garage today to get an estimate on the repairs. when the guy (really nice guy) comes back with my estimate he says that honestly he thinks it would be cheaper for me to just get a new vehicle. $1885. and that's not even counting the fact that the starter needs to be replaced bc i didn't ask for an estimate on that, he just told me as an fyi. before i left he actually asked me to sign paperwork stating that he had informed me my vehicle was unsafe to drive and i still chose to drive it. that's some scary shit right there, kay? fml.
i was actually trying not to cry all the way home. completely clueless on how the girls were gonna take this news or wtf we were going to do about it. my truck is destroyed. i was so proud of myself for getting it all paid off in just like january. this so sucks hard.
i've just started reading "hedge witch" by silver ravenwolf (at the garage, actually) and she was talking about using simple, primal language to ask the universe for what you want very clearly bc the universe doesn't really speak in don't want, maybe and all that. so i repeated clearly "i want my truck fixed or a new and better vehicle" half way home, hoping the universe could understand that.
got home. let talalkhemiyst know how it went. then i went to sit in my room and be emoface til somebody had a brilliant suggestion or i fell asleep, whichever came first. she came back bit later after talking with fearnottheflame with the decision of me trying to get ahold of land auto or jd byrider (who i bought the truck from) on monday to see about getting something else that we hope to god will be around $200/month or idk how we'll afford that. here's hoping.
i hear silver in my head again saying that you can't get caught up on the monetary aspect of things when you're asking the universe for something. you just have to tell it clearly what you want and let it make that happen for you, while you prepare for the new thing to come, releasing the old thing physically and emotionally. so i'm working on the mindset of emotionally releasing the truck. it's not really healthy for me anyway as it was bought with my ex and his name is on the title as co-signer. plus i've been wanting something new for quite a while now bc i haven't really enjoyed having a truck as much as i thought i would and i've had to use it so many times for moving that i kind of think having it encourages being able to move (more often that i really care to). so anyway, i'm going on monday to talk to a couple places about getting something new. so yay!
ummmm...
i've been working at comfort suites for about a week now and i really like that. i don't know why i went from housekeeping to front desk in the first place. i guess higher pay and (i thought) an easier job. but i swear housekeeping is practically made for me. there's a routine to doing every room, which i control bc i work alone. it's really ocd bc everything has its place in the rooms and everything is done a certain way. plus on a good day or in the right energy i get very zen when i'm cleaning. so really it's made out for me quite nicely. plus they've been giving me more hours than they initially said they would be able to. very good. :D
i've been hating working at st. paul's sanctuary almost since day one. now i can spend like 6 hours scrubbing bathrooms and making beds and doing actual physical work and come home pretty energized and feeling good, doing the dishes and laundry happily. but i work 4 hours at st. paul's just serving dinner to old folks and i'm wiped out when i come home and have to take a nap. it's so stressful for me. i think a big part of the problem is that the people that i'm working with changes every day and each one has a different way that they like to do things. plus the nursing staff is different pretty much every night and they all have different attitudes and ways they like to do things. so, for me who likes a routine and a somewhat stability to things, it's nerve-wracking. i just can't do it anymore. so i called cindy, my old manager at burger king (which is where talalkhemiyst has been working pretty happily actually) and she's trying to work some hours out for me hopefully starting this week.
i was actually sposeta work st. paul's tonight but we decided that between the truck being so dangerous to drive and talalkhemiyst works tonight so she couldn't drive me + my really hating working there + cindy working on getting me into the next schedule, i just called and said i wasn't coming back. tonight. or ever. i got a call from april (who is hella vile, srsly). she hadn't gotten my message bc i left it on becky's voicemail & she wanted to know where i was. i told her i wasn't coming and she got really bitchy almos trying to force me into coming in. yeah. no. sorry.
besides all this, we've been doing study group around "the wisdom of the enneagram" which is a fucking genius book. for real. i think EVERY FUCKING PERSON should read it. it's about learning your personality type and how that conflicts/works with your true essence. it's really amazing and the things we've been finding out about ourselves and each other and why we do certain things is just.. crazy. some of it is a little hard to take, but it's all true, if we're honest about it. we've all got a lot of work to do but i think we've actually got a really great idea of what we actually need to do. i couldn't really begin to go into everything that i'm dealing with that i've learned right now.. but trust me when i say it's major. go read it. srsly.
we've decided to stay put for a couple years instead of constantly focusing on moving somewhere where we think things will happen for us or that we can fit in better. after much talking it makes more sense to put down some roots and see what we can do with our dreams right here. what's the sense in moving somewhere that everything is happening when what we want to really do is create a place for the disenfranchised. there's nobody disenfranchised in a place that's teeming with amazing culture, energy and community already. but there are right here, where we are right now. there are people who need to have a place and a community and maybe we could help build that. besides, we never really seem to fit in very well with "people like us" for some reason anyhow so wth...
sorry for the constant invisibility and long, rambly catch up posts. i fail at eljay frenz i guess, but i still luff u guise bigtime. <333
i was actually trying not to cry all the way home. completely clueless on how the girls were gonna take this news or wtf we were going to do about it. my truck is destroyed. i was so proud of myself for getting it all paid off in just like january. this so sucks hard.
i've just started reading "hedge witch" by silver ravenwolf (at the garage, actually) and she was talking about using simple, primal language to ask the universe for what you want very clearly bc the universe doesn't really speak in don't want, maybe and all that. so i repeated clearly "i want my truck fixed or a new and better vehicle" half way home, hoping the universe could understand that.
got home. let talalkhemiyst know how it went. then i went to sit in my room and be emoface til somebody had a brilliant suggestion or i fell asleep, whichever came first. she came back bit later after talking with fearnottheflame with the decision of me trying to get ahold of land auto or jd byrider (who i bought the truck from) on monday to see about getting something else that we hope to god will be around $200/month or idk how we'll afford that. here's hoping.
i hear silver in my head again saying that you can't get caught up on the monetary aspect of things when you're asking the universe for something. you just have to tell it clearly what you want and let it make that happen for you, while you prepare for the new thing to come, releasing the old thing physically and emotionally. so i'm working on the mindset of emotionally releasing the truck. it's not really healthy for me anyway as it was bought with my ex and his name is on the title as co-signer. plus i've been wanting something new for quite a while now bc i haven't really enjoyed having a truck as much as i thought i would and i've had to use it so many times for moving that i kind of think having it encourages being able to move (more often that i really care to). so anyway, i'm going on monday to talk to a couple places about getting something new. so yay!
ummmm...
i've been working at comfort suites for about a week now and i really like that. i don't know why i went from housekeeping to front desk in the first place. i guess higher pay and (i thought) an easier job. but i swear housekeeping is practically made for me. there's a routine to doing every room, which i control bc i work alone. it's really ocd bc everything has its place in the rooms and everything is done a certain way. plus on a good day or in the right energy i get very zen when i'm cleaning. so really it's made out for me quite nicely. plus they've been giving me more hours than they initially said they would be able to. very good. :D
i've been hating working at st. paul's sanctuary almost since day one. now i can spend like 6 hours scrubbing bathrooms and making beds and doing actual physical work and come home pretty energized and feeling good, doing the dishes and laundry happily. but i work 4 hours at st. paul's just serving dinner to old folks and i'm wiped out when i come home and have to take a nap. it's so stressful for me. i think a big part of the problem is that the people that i'm working with changes every day and each one has a different way that they like to do things. plus the nursing staff is different pretty much every night and they all have different attitudes and ways they like to do things. so, for me who likes a routine and a somewhat stability to things, it's nerve-wracking. i just can't do it anymore. so i called cindy, my old manager at burger king (which is where talalkhemiyst has been working pretty happily actually) and she's trying to work some hours out for me hopefully starting this week.
i was actually sposeta work st. paul's tonight but we decided that between the truck being so dangerous to drive and talalkhemiyst works tonight so she couldn't drive me + my really hating working there + cindy working on getting me into the next schedule, i just called and said i wasn't coming back. tonight. or ever. i got a call from april (who is hella vile, srsly). she hadn't gotten my message bc i left it on becky's voicemail & she wanted to know where i was. i told her i wasn't coming and she got really bitchy almos trying to force me into coming in. yeah. no. sorry.
besides all this, we've been doing study group around "the wisdom of the enneagram" which is a fucking genius book. for real. i think EVERY FUCKING PERSON should read it. it's about learning your personality type and how that conflicts/works with your true essence. it's really amazing and the things we've been finding out about ourselves and each other and why we do certain things is just.. crazy. some of it is a little hard to take, but it's all true, if we're honest about it. we've all got a lot of work to do but i think we've actually got a really great idea of what we actually need to do. i couldn't really begin to go into everything that i'm dealing with that i've learned right now.. but trust me when i say it's major. go read it. srsly.
we've decided to stay put for a couple years instead of constantly focusing on moving somewhere where we think things will happen for us or that we can fit in better. after much talking it makes more sense to put down some roots and see what we can do with our dreams right here. what's the sense in moving somewhere that everything is happening when what we want to really do is create a place for the disenfranchised. there's nobody disenfranchised in a place that's teeming with amazing culture, energy and community already. but there are right here, where we are right now. there are people who need to have a place and a community and maybe we could help build that. besides, we never really seem to fit in very well with "people like us" for some reason anyhow so wth...
sorry for the constant invisibility and long, rambly catch up posts. i fail at eljay frenz i guess, but i still luff u guise bigtime. <333