(no subject)
It's only 8:40am and today has already been an emotional day.
I woke at 5:30 to go to the gym. The driveway is still a task to back out of because of the snow and the ice that has accumalated. Well, WWIII erupted this morning between my mother and I. She told me "You can't take my car"; "You can't back out", etc. Eventually, my dad backed the car out for me, and I was on my way to the gym.
While I was working out I realized, even though she was talking solely about me backing the car out on an icy/snowy driveway, all I heard was "You can't do something because you aren't good enough". It's crazy how I recognize these things now. I came home determined to tell my mom this.
To my surprise when I walked in, I was greated by a hug and she says "I realize that this morning was one of those win-lose situations". This was talked about in family therapy that no matter what, I always lose in situations and my mom wins. So things were resolved.
I found out something about my brother. He had always been taking massive amounts of classes and hours. I found out he was doing that so he could have graduated with me. He calculated the amount of hours he needed to take to be done when I would have been done. He said I was his motivation. When I heard that the tears started flowing.
More regret. At the years I wasted. At the time that's gone and I'll never get back. Regret is such a hard thing to get over.
I woke at 5:30 to go to the gym. The driveway is still a task to back out of because of the snow and the ice that has accumalated. Well, WWIII erupted this morning between my mother and I. She told me "You can't take my car"; "You can't back out", etc. Eventually, my dad backed the car out for me, and I was on my way to the gym.
While I was working out I realized, even though she was talking solely about me backing the car out on an icy/snowy driveway, all I heard was "You can't do something because you aren't good enough". It's crazy how I recognize these things now. I came home determined to tell my mom this.
To my surprise when I walked in, I was greated by a hug and she says "I realize that this morning was one of those win-lose situations". This was talked about in family therapy that no matter what, I always lose in situations and my mom wins. So things were resolved.
I found out something about my brother. He had always been taking massive amounts of classes and hours. I found out he was doing that so he could have graduated with me. He calculated the amount of hours he needed to take to be done when I would have been done. He said I was his motivation. When I heard that the tears started flowing.
More regret. At the years I wasted. At the time that's gone and I'll never get back. Regret is such a hard thing to get over.