(no subject)
scratch what i said about ian and i.
we're done.
i'll be okay. it just sucks.
pretty much, with everything that has happened, i will not be dating ian again. we're been through alot and i love him more than anything, but im not dealing with this anymore. its for the best. i swear.
being at his house and sleeping alone in his bed while he slept on the floor downstairs was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, as well as not being able to kiss him.. we didnt do anything. we both wanted to.. but he wouldnt let it. he said that we would fall into old patterns. i felt like i was begging for one more night, even though i clearly understood i would not seeing him again the rest of break.
he seemed to be offset when i told him it was done forever.. "forever is a long time chels".. yeah, i know. but what it comes down to is that as we sat there awkwardly, as i finished packing my things, being mean to each other then apologizing right after, we still love each other.
how or why does this happen? he said something to me that stood out. your what i want but i cant right now. this chapter of us is over, but i dont think the book is closed..
so pretty much. we both sat there, agreeing that maybe way later in the future when he is doing his chef thing and im making money doing what i love, maybe theres something there. have you ever done that? sit there saying "i cant be with you, but i love you, and we'll probably get back together when we're really older".. or have someone that just broke up with you saying "we're either always destined to fail or to always be together cause thats what we do.. we always get back together somehow. maybe just this time it will be longer than usual"
most conflicting feeling ever.. but what it comes down to is that i cant date him right now, or for a while.. i cant and i wont.. this is the most sincere ive ever been about this.
just.
fuck.
this will be good for me. im going to do things for myself. i wont make the mistakes that i did last year.. thats not who i want to be... but im going to have fun.. and i can see myself moving to NYC alot sooner than i thought. i cant be in the same town as ian. it will break my heart.
so..
this is the end for now..
but i love that kid more than anything. and not talking to him will suck cause he is my best friend. but ill deal. i have to..
soo. expect a new chelsie. or just a modified.
but im gonna make this work for me.. i have to.
we're done.
i'll be okay. it just sucks.
pretty much, with everything that has happened, i will not be dating ian again. we're been through alot and i love him more than anything, but im not dealing with this anymore. its for the best. i swear.
being at his house and sleeping alone in his bed while he slept on the floor downstairs was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, as well as not being able to kiss him.. we didnt do anything. we both wanted to.. but he wouldnt let it. he said that we would fall into old patterns. i felt like i was begging for one more night, even though i clearly understood i would not seeing him again the rest of break.
he seemed to be offset when i told him it was done forever.. "forever is a long time chels".. yeah, i know. but what it comes down to is that as we sat there awkwardly, as i finished packing my things, being mean to each other then apologizing right after, we still love each other.
how or why does this happen? he said something to me that stood out. your what i want but i cant right now. this chapter of us is over, but i dont think the book is closed..
so pretty much. we both sat there, agreeing that maybe way later in the future when he is doing his chef thing and im making money doing what i love, maybe theres something there. have you ever done that? sit there saying "i cant be with you, but i love you, and we'll probably get back together when we're really older".. or have someone that just broke up with you saying "we're either always destined to fail or to always be together cause thats what we do.. we always get back together somehow. maybe just this time it will be longer than usual"
most conflicting feeling ever.. but what it comes down to is that i cant date him right now, or for a while.. i cant and i wont.. this is the most sincere ive ever been about this.
just.
fuck.
this will be good for me. im going to do things for myself. i wont make the mistakes that i did last year.. thats not who i want to be... but im going to have fun.. and i can see myself moving to NYC alot sooner than i thought. i cant be in the same town as ian. it will break my heart.
so..
this is the end for now..
but i love that kid more than anything. and not talking to him will suck cause he is my best friend. but ill deal. i have to..
soo. expect a new chelsie. or just a modified.
but im gonna make this work for me.. i have to.