(no subject)
wow. is it really 15 weeks? its hard to believe that 15 weeks ago i was just starting summer. thats a long time.. alot has happened. my internship at the bethel inn went wonderful. it was really boring at times becuase of all the rain that happened, but towards the end i made alot of money teaching tennis, all of which was untaxed.
i spent most of my nights sleeping next to the love of my life, which was great.. theres nothing like waking up next to the one person you love the most. ofcourse, it was either at 5 in the morning when he would wake up and leave to go to work, or towards the end, when i would leave at 9.. but even with me talking in my sleep and occasionally freaking out, it was nice. surprisingly, his mom was totally cool about it.. on the other hand, his dad really wasnt. but he cant really say much, he did the same when he was ians age, plus hes kidn of a douche. my mom wasnt too happy, but she understood. plus, they were at camp alot, and i worked a ton..
this summer was really weird, but it was fun most of the time. the manic mondays were always fun, especially towards the middle. i sometimes felt like i wasnt wanted there, but i eventually got over that. i think its just my fears and anxieties about people liking me. i always feel like, paranoid i guess. but needless to say, those were the funnest nights of the summer.. minus the night that i blacked out. that wasnt rad, we were playing kings cup, and i had vodka, and i wasnt measuring how much liquor to orange juice i was putting in.. so bad news bears... we also had alot of campfires too at al's house which involved smores which is one of the best parts of summer.
it was hard to leave summer behind, with all of the crappy weather it feels like we never had a summer. but i just gotta make the best of it, it could potentially be the last summer of my "childhood".. next summer i could be working, as in a legit job. and that is so fucking scary. ill have to think about all the responsible things in life.. oh well.
tennis is going great. i REALLY like the new coach, and i honestly think she is going to do wonders for the team.. well, if we even have a team.. there are only 5 girls playing right now, and we need atleast 6.. and some people dont really know how to play that well, so im pretty nervous. personally, i hope and think im going to have a great season. ive improved alot in the last month, but im just really nervous that my body isnt going to do so well. i find myself realizing daily how much my back hurts, and that my knees are progressively getting worse with every practice. im glad that after this season ill be done, but im going to miss it so much. i hope people come watch me play tennis, my family is coming this weekend, and they have no idea how much it means to me. i wish ian could come see me play, its been years, but hes in school now and working..
speaking of that, im so excited for him. alot of great things are happening for him, he just hasnt fully realized it yet. or it hasnt clicked. haha. he is moving to south portland about 5 minutes away from both school and work. im going to be surprising him in a couple weeks at some point. i figure if i have to drop off my car in maine, i might as well do it right. im really hoping that this proves to be that we are stronger than ever. it was cute, before i left, we had a pretty serious talk, and it basicaly came down to that after 5 years, because he is still around he is in it for the long run.. we talked about getting promise rings, and eventually moving in together after i get out of school. im not sure if i immediately want to do that, afterall he is still is a kid and needs to grow up on his own a little bit. but i cant wait. after all the shit we've been through, im honestly looking forward to a time in the future where it only takes 5 minutes to see him, i can fall asleep in his arms, and not worry about being states away. i think when that happens, we'll be on our way. hes my clarence and im his alabama. im pretty sure that im ok if ian is the only guy ill date. lol.
ofcourse, im always curious about what ifs, but god has a plan for me, and ian too. no matter what happens, everything will be for the best. if i end up with ian the rest of my life, ill be totally stoked. if anything, this summer has taught me alot about my faith. especially situations that involved ian... EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and god really does want the best for us.. if i had the time i would go into much further detail, but im blessed. i have an amazing family, an amazing boyfriend and his family, shelter, food, clothes on my back, security of friends... i really am blessed and i thank god every day.
theres so much i can continue to talk about, but i feel my eyes wandering to aqua teen and my phone, hoping for ian to call when he gets out of work. but im excited for whats to come, whether it be a tattoo, new piercings, new friends, NEW RADIO STATION!, new coach.. everything.
im getting ready to grow up .
i spent most of my nights sleeping next to the love of my life, which was great.. theres nothing like waking up next to the one person you love the most. ofcourse, it was either at 5 in the morning when he would wake up and leave to go to work, or towards the end, when i would leave at 9.. but even with me talking in my sleep and occasionally freaking out, it was nice. surprisingly, his mom was totally cool about it.. on the other hand, his dad really wasnt. but he cant really say much, he did the same when he was ians age, plus hes kidn of a douche. my mom wasnt too happy, but she understood. plus, they were at camp alot, and i worked a ton..
this summer was really weird, but it was fun most of the time. the manic mondays were always fun, especially towards the middle. i sometimes felt like i wasnt wanted there, but i eventually got over that. i think its just my fears and anxieties about people liking me. i always feel like, paranoid i guess. but needless to say, those were the funnest nights of the summer.. minus the night that i blacked out. that wasnt rad, we were playing kings cup, and i had vodka, and i wasnt measuring how much liquor to orange juice i was putting in.. so bad news bears... we also had alot of campfires too at al's house which involved smores which is one of the best parts of summer.
it was hard to leave summer behind, with all of the crappy weather it feels like we never had a summer. but i just gotta make the best of it, it could potentially be the last summer of my "childhood".. next summer i could be working, as in a legit job. and that is so fucking scary. ill have to think about all the responsible things in life.. oh well.
tennis is going great. i REALLY like the new coach, and i honestly think she is going to do wonders for the team.. well, if we even have a team.. there are only 5 girls playing right now, and we need atleast 6.. and some people dont really know how to play that well, so im pretty nervous. personally, i hope and think im going to have a great season. ive improved alot in the last month, but im just really nervous that my body isnt going to do so well. i find myself realizing daily how much my back hurts, and that my knees are progressively getting worse with every practice. im glad that after this season ill be done, but im going to miss it so much. i hope people come watch me play tennis, my family is coming this weekend, and they have no idea how much it means to me. i wish ian could come see me play, its been years, but hes in school now and working..
speaking of that, im so excited for him. alot of great things are happening for him, he just hasnt fully realized it yet. or it hasnt clicked. haha. he is moving to south portland about 5 minutes away from both school and work. im going to be surprising him in a couple weeks at some point. i figure if i have to drop off my car in maine, i might as well do it right. im really hoping that this proves to be that we are stronger than ever. it was cute, before i left, we had a pretty serious talk, and it basicaly came down to that after 5 years, because he is still around he is in it for the long run.. we talked about getting promise rings, and eventually moving in together after i get out of school. im not sure if i immediately want to do that, afterall he is still is a kid and needs to grow up on his own a little bit. but i cant wait. after all the shit we've been through, im honestly looking forward to a time in the future where it only takes 5 minutes to see him, i can fall asleep in his arms, and not worry about being states away. i think when that happens, we'll be on our way. hes my clarence and im his alabama. im pretty sure that im ok if ian is the only guy ill date. lol.
ofcourse, im always curious about what ifs, but god has a plan for me, and ian too. no matter what happens, everything will be for the best. if i end up with ian the rest of my life, ill be totally stoked. if anything, this summer has taught me alot about my faith. especially situations that involved ian... EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and god really does want the best for us.. if i had the time i would go into much further detail, but im blessed. i have an amazing family, an amazing boyfriend and his family, shelter, food, clothes on my back, security of friends... i really am blessed and i thank god every day.
theres so much i can continue to talk about, but i feel my eyes wandering to aqua teen and my phone, hoping for ian to call when he gets out of work. but im excited for whats to come, whether it be a tattoo, new piercings, new friends, NEW RADIO STATION!, new coach.. everything.
im getting ready to grow up .