No subject. Just random stuff.
Yeah...
I feel like a horrible person for the way things are turning out. I just get too stressed out, and can't handle love and emotions right now. It messes with my head, and when I get stressed it actually makes my head hurt, and gives me migraines. I have all these awful memories I can't get rid of, I just want to sort of be alone for awhile and start over, or atleast have time to gain perspective...I don't know. I know I'm not a bad person, and I shouldn't feel so guilty for the way I'm acting but I guess I just can't help it. It's never been in my nature to yell at someone I cared about or be distant. But I guess I was just driven to that point. I mean some pretty fucked up things happened, so I shouldn't have to feel bad because, for once, I'm not scared...I just don't like being in the position where I make someone hurt, I'm so used to being the one who gets hurt. I can't handle it, but I also can't lie to myself about what I want and how I need to handle things. I need to be my age, and I need to find myself, and find other things to live for other than love. Because what if someday, love is gone altogether? What am I left with? I need to concentrate on friends, music, things that make me happy that are always there. I also need to concentrate on my future (or lack thereof). I need to figure out what the fuck I wanna do with my life. My future scares me, sometimes I dwell on it too much. I need life to be interesting again. I don't want to dwell on things.
Too many thoughts at once. I wish I could be more detailed on this thing and just spill everything out, but some thoughts I guess are just meant to not be shared....
WHY DO I SOUND SO EMO? FUCK!
I feel like a horrible person for the way things are turning out. I just get too stressed out, and can't handle love and emotions right now. It messes with my head, and when I get stressed it actually makes my head hurt, and gives me migraines. I have all these awful memories I can't get rid of, I just want to sort of be alone for awhile and start over, or atleast have time to gain perspective...I don't know. I know I'm not a bad person, and I shouldn't feel so guilty for the way I'm acting but I guess I just can't help it. It's never been in my nature to yell at someone I cared about or be distant. But I guess I was just driven to that point. I mean some pretty fucked up things happened, so I shouldn't have to feel bad because, for once, I'm not scared...I just don't like being in the position where I make someone hurt, I'm so used to being the one who gets hurt. I can't handle it, but I also can't lie to myself about what I want and how I need to handle things. I need to be my age, and I need to find myself, and find other things to live for other than love. Because what if someday, love is gone altogether? What am I left with? I need to concentrate on friends, music, things that make me happy that are always there. I also need to concentrate on my future (or lack thereof). I need to figure out what the fuck I wanna do with my life. My future scares me, sometimes I dwell on it too much. I need life to be interesting again. I don't want to dwell on things.
Too many thoughts at once. I wish I could be more detailed on this thing and just spill everything out, but some thoughts I guess are just meant to not be shared....
WHY DO I SOUND SO EMO? FUCK!