(no subject)
I don't mean to bottle things up. If I could, I'd tell you everything, but I've had some things bottled up for so long that it's tough to even think about them... Things that have happened that I've never shown emotion about, or things that tore my heart out. I want so bad to be able to just spill everything out & cry over it, but it's tough, because nobody I've ever wanted to tell has cared. None of them cared what was bothering me, or if I was hurt. All they cared about was their goal of getting me into bed. I know it's ridiculous, and I should just give it up. It's not that I don't want to tell you, or that you'll turn out like the last person I told. I know you wouldn't do that.
I was fine. For a long time, I was fine. Then I forgot where I was going, and stumbled off my pre-determined path. Another option of direction was presented, and I was given a new decision. "You're wasting your potential" is what got me. It made me stop & think. "What would I be missing?"
I feel like I'm standing at a fork in the road, trying to make a decision that will change the rest of my life. I want to take the split to the left, because I know it's a solid path. When I reach the end, I'll have a stable life without any true worries. Then again, I want to take the split to the right, because I'm curious. Not knowing where that road would take me would bother me for the rest of my life, but it worries me. If I take that path, where will I end up? It's not pre-determined. I could stumble, fall, and my career would be over & useless -- unproductive less than half way through my life.
I want the stabilty, yet I need the adventure, and through all of it, I need a companion. One who won't ever leave my side & will point out the rocks in the road that I'm about to trip over.
I only wish I had a way to make you see it all from my perspective.
I only wish I had a way to make you see how much I love you.