(no subject)
There's all that talk again of being on the borderline, and those who tread it, those who will always be on the upper side of it, and those who will always lag. I consider myself to be treading. Occasionally I start lagging, but then I pull my act together, but never will I be on the upper side. I'm just not one of those people. I'm not short enough, I wasn't spectacularly popular in school, I will always be struggling to have enough money to live and support my habits, like eating and singing, I will always be awkward and never think of the right thing to say fast enough. I will always regret having said one thing or another and always look back, thinking, I should have said this.
I'll never quite break that surface.
This isn't oh woe is me, and this isn't the 'oh this isn't woe is me' but really it is, it's just fact-stating. I need to get things straight so I can stop pretending otherwise.
I should be sleeping and shaking these crazy thoughts out of my head, but I just want to wallow in self-inadequacy for another few hours and not have to worry about waking up again in another few. And doing the whole damn thing over again.
I still need to get out of work for Friday somehow. And book off the 17th.
I'm sick of this routine.
I'll never quite break that surface.
This isn't oh woe is me, and this isn't the 'oh this isn't woe is me' but really it is, it's just fact-stating. I need to get things straight so I can stop pretending otherwise.
I should be sleeping and shaking these crazy thoughts out of my head, but I just want to wallow in self-inadequacy for another few hours and not have to worry about waking up again in another few. And doing the whole damn thing over again.
I still need to get out of work for Friday somehow. And book off the 17th.
I'm sick of this routine.