最近、私は本当に何をすべきかわからない。
If you translate that the title on google then you would be able to find what it means.
Anyway, lately my mind is a blur. My space bar is being weird. I broke up with my boyfriend last week on Thursday, and I'm getting the blame. I wanted to cry in a corner saying that people cares about my well-being. Starting out with the day he ask me out, I really only have a small crush on him. People literally force me to date him, threathning me that "He waited so long and your just gonna break his heart?!" or "Come on, don't be a bitch." I mean like, What the hell is wrong with you people?! Trying to usher me to date with him because they think me and him would make a cute couple. In my term,he way to quiet and too shy. And you know what day he ask me out?! The day before the fucking Winter Break starts. And he never even bothered to give me his phone number! So there goes no talking to you in Winter Break. After we got back from WInter Break, it was really akward. We both don't even talk to each other. Its like we only look at each other and then look away. Barely any eye contact. And when he talks to me, I already knew it was the 'boys' who was forcing him to talk with me. All he says is, "Hi....yeah." And I told my friend about my problem. She said just to talk with him. And so, I fucking tried to start like 40 convo with him, with only him ended it 10 seconds later. and then Never talk again. I really didn't know what to think. It may have been his first time dating, but its also my first time dating too! People starts blaming me that I don't talk to him, when I literally try my best to talk to him... I just wanna cry in a corner. The next day, I would start to avoid him. Yes, avoid him. Hell, he was all pissed and then later happy. I was like bipolar much?! And that was the time, I knew people were bitch talking about me. They even try to force him to do some 'activites' with me such as pushing him ontop of me which I freakin nearly fell off the stair. His hugs, are like disappointed. Its barely even touch, and he hugs me from the back. and then lets go 3 second then walk off to his next class. Me and my friend, Cindy were like what the fuck was he trying to do? I couldn't take it anymore on Thursday. I had talk to Shiki, Aimee, ruki, and some other people about my problem and they understand me. On Thursday, I broke up with him. He freaking smiled happily and said "It's okay." Which made me wonder, are boys suppose to smile on break up? Later in the day, one of my friends who sees him in the hallway told me he looked so sad! Like a kicked puppy. So naturally, I was worried. However, my friend who has last period with him said he was freaking laughing and eating hot cheetos. I was like, Am i suppose to be mad? Ughh.
Next day, everybody was bitching me that I was at fault for the relationship. Since it was his 'first time dating' and that he 'really shy'. Hell, fuck that. Its my first time dating and I'm shy, talkative, and emotional. People only care about his feelings. Heck, even my best friend PUNCHED me in the arms. There were only about 5 people who sided with me... and I was happy. Later, I went home and chat with Aimee and she made me feel alot better. Thank you!~ If I had to do everything in a relationship, I might as well just end it so it doesn't get worse. Hell, he even glaring at me everyday, and trying to act sad, and when I"m not around, he all happy. Go to hell.
Etto.... Sorry If I ramble to much xD. Just had to get this off my mind. Ciao!~
Anyway, lately my mind is a blur. My space bar is being weird. I broke up with my boyfriend last week on Thursday, and I'm getting the blame. I wanted to cry in a corner saying that people cares about my well-being. Starting out with the day he ask me out, I really only have a small crush on him. People literally force me to date him, threathning me that "He waited so long and your just gonna break his heart?!" or "Come on, don't be a bitch." I mean like, What the hell is wrong with you people?! Trying to usher me to date with him because they think me and him would make a cute couple. In my term,he way to quiet and too shy. And you know what day he ask me out?! The day before the fucking Winter Break starts. And he never even bothered to give me his phone number! So there goes no talking to you in Winter Break. After we got back from WInter Break, it was really akward. We both don't even talk to each other. Its like we only look at each other and then look away. Barely any eye contact. And when he talks to me, I already knew it was the 'boys' who was forcing him to talk with me. All he says is, "Hi....yeah." And I told my friend about my problem. She said just to talk with him. And so, I fucking tried to start like 40 convo with him, with only him ended it 10 seconds later. and then Never talk again. I really didn't know what to think. It may have been his first time dating, but its also my first time dating too! People starts blaming me that I don't talk to him, when I literally try my best to talk to him... I just wanna cry in a corner. The next day, I would start to avoid him. Yes, avoid him. Hell, he was all pissed and then later happy. I was like bipolar much?! And that was the time, I knew people were bitch talking about me. They even try to force him to do some 'activites' with me such as pushing him ontop of me which I freakin nearly fell off the stair. His hugs, are like disappointed. Its barely even touch, and he hugs me from the back. and then lets go 3 second then walk off to his next class. Me and my friend, Cindy were like what the fuck was he trying to do? I couldn't take it anymore on Thursday. I had talk to Shiki, Aimee, ruki, and some other people about my problem and they understand me. On Thursday, I broke up with him. He freaking smiled happily and said "It's okay." Which made me wonder, are boys suppose to smile on break up? Later in the day, one of my friends who sees him in the hallway told me he looked so sad! Like a kicked puppy. So naturally, I was worried. However, my friend who has last period with him said he was freaking laughing and eating hot cheetos. I was like, Am i suppose to be mad? Ughh.
Next day, everybody was bitching me that I was at fault for the relationship. Since it was his 'first time dating' and that he 'really shy'. Hell, fuck that. Its my first time dating and I'm shy, talkative, and emotional. People only care about his feelings. Heck, even my best friend PUNCHED me in the arms. There were only about 5 people who sided with me... and I was happy. Later, I went home and chat with Aimee and she made me feel alot better. Thank you!~ If I had to do everything in a relationship, I might as well just end it so it doesn't get worse. Hell, he even glaring at me everyday, and trying to act sad, and when I"m not around, he all happy. Go to hell.
Etto.... Sorry If I ramble to much xD. Just had to get this off my mind. Ciao!~