lonely........
Being home for easter....not to sure how i feel about it. I mean i love nashua and everything and its good to have a break from keene...iam alll partyed out haha :) Reason why im home writing right now.im just beat and got some studyin to do. I thought i would love seeing everyone one, but really its just tearing me up and making me realize this my life now.......i just dont understand. All i know is that im pretty damn lucky i have such good friends, especially my Sammy if it wasnt for her...i dont know what i would do being home :0) Shes my best friend forever, i know i just couldnt survive w/ out her. Im sorry i didnt go out tonight but im tired, tons of work, and a lot of shit going through my head.
I have a million thought with no ends, and questions with no answers. Should i be upset because i dont know...i dont know much, and its kiiling me. I dont know whats going to happen, i dont know whats hes doings, or what he thinks and it sucks...it sucks being alone. I think we can all relate to it. I mean we all have our friends, and god bless them. But when u get so close to someone and you get used to them being w/ you and their affection and one day just gone with barely a connection how is that supposed to make someone feel.what are you supposed to do w/ that even if your in love?? I have sooo much to think about that I dont even know what to say or think anymore, so what do i do in every shitty thing that happens my way??? i adapt and grow numb, but this time....it still really hurts. I have had shit happen to me worse with guys 2 times now, and this hurts even more. And those 2 other times would seem worse but to me, this is!! because those guys are scumbags with no live,love, or future. I know that even after this, I wont be as worse off as those fucking rapist asshoooles!!!!
being home kills me....it makes me miss him more.....how am Im going to do this???? I went home to visit his family which was great and talk to them for hours. Im mean there home was my home, but with steve gone its the huge piece of puzzle missing to make it just right. I can sleep there whenever but even just siting in his old room(maria's room now) w/ his bed(for me when i sleep there) just makes it worse, and i miss him more and realize hes gone........and he left. Why did he have to leave, why is this happening............WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY? I just dont know if i can do this, even though i do love him. Thats not the question, but sometimes the distance is more than two people can use. I want him in my life, not gone ya know??? But its not even that im mad he did this im sooooo proud of him and i want him to do this But i didnt want our lives to change and it just seem like it is slowly starting to............i think im just scared. I have so many feelings going on in me and going to so many different places but almost just as strong. If that even makes sense, but there are some thoughts that make this shit worse stay with me.SIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHhh i just wish he didnt leave and i wouldnt have to feel like this. I know i love him, and i just want whats right and i know for now i wanna be there for him, hes a great guy and i want this to work...but i just dont know how its all gonna work especially when i talked to steves mom, it just seems like he tells her how he really feels, and i think its just the same as me. we dont want to lose each other, but it feels like its already gone :(( not the love but...........i dont know what, hopefully whatever happens he knows i love him, cause i know that for sure. If we are meant to be then we are, and if not we aren't :( there are so many possibilities i just dont know what to feel or hope for.......
I'm soooo confused
Sorry if this entry made no sense, im just rambling.
<3Sarah
IMU Steve :*
I have a million thought with no ends, and questions with no answers. Should i be upset because i dont know...i dont know much, and its kiiling me. I dont know whats going to happen, i dont know whats hes doings, or what he thinks and it sucks...it sucks being alone. I think we can all relate to it. I mean we all have our friends, and god bless them. But when u get so close to someone and you get used to them being w/ you and their affection and one day just gone with barely a connection how is that supposed to make someone feel.what are you supposed to do w/ that even if your in love?? I have sooo much to think about that I dont even know what to say or think anymore, so what do i do in every shitty thing that happens my way??? i adapt and grow numb, but this time....it still really hurts. I have had shit happen to me worse with guys 2 times now, and this hurts even more. And those 2 other times would seem worse but to me, this is!! because those guys are scumbags with no live,love, or future. I know that even after this, I wont be as worse off as those fucking rapist asshoooles!!!!
being home kills me....it makes me miss him more.....how am Im going to do this???? I went home to visit his family which was great and talk to them for hours. Im mean there home was my home, but with steve gone its the huge piece of puzzle missing to make it just right. I can sleep there whenever but even just siting in his old room(maria's room now) w/ his bed(for me when i sleep there) just makes it worse, and i miss him more and realize hes gone........and he left. Why did he have to leave, why is this happening............WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY? I just dont know if i can do this, even though i do love him. Thats not the question, but sometimes the distance is more than two people can use. I want him in my life, not gone ya know??? But its not even that im mad he did this im sooooo proud of him and i want him to do this But i didnt want our lives to change and it just seem like it is slowly starting to............i think im just scared. I have so many feelings going on in me and going to so many different places but almost just as strong. If that even makes sense, but there are some thoughts that make this shit worse stay with me.SIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHhh i just wish he didnt leave and i wouldnt have to feel like this. I know i love him, and i just want whats right and i know for now i wanna be there for him, hes a great guy and i want this to work...but i just dont know how its all gonna work especially when i talked to steves mom, it just seems like he tells her how he really feels, and i think its just the same as me. we dont want to lose each other, but it feels like its already gone :(( not the love but...........i dont know what, hopefully whatever happens he knows i love him, cause i know that for sure. If we are meant to be then we are, and if not we aren't :( there are so many possibilities i just dont know what to feel or hope for.......
I'm soooo confused
Sorry if this entry made no sense, im just rambling.
<3Sarah
IMU Steve :*