be obscure clearly
I'm thinking that school might not be so bad, well no it will not be fun, but I guess it'll keep my mind off dumb things I wish I didn't think about kind of.
I'm letting these things affect me. I'm senseless. I don't get what's up with me.
I went to Amanda's and played Scrabble. I really suck at it, I was ashamed, but I really wasn't. We watched some of Grease too. I remember Chislett making us watch that in grade 7 music class and I hated it. What was wrong with me back then, how could I hate it. Speaking of grade 7, I wonder how Larade's doing, and I miss that school. I liked waking up and sort of half looking forward to the day.
That poem thing in The Perks of Being a Wallflower made me cry. You know Once, on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem and he called it “Chops” because that was the name of his dog and that’s what it was all about and his teacher gave him an A and a gold star and his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to all his aunts, that was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo and he let them sing on the bus and his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair and his mother and father kissed a lot and the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X’s and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant and his father always tucked him in bed at night and was always there to do it.
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem and he called it “Autumn” because that was the name of the season and that’s what it was all about and his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint and the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars and left butts on the pew and sometimes they would burn holes that was the year his sister got black frames and the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus and the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot and his father never tucked him in bed at night and his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem and called it “Innocence: A Question” because that was the question about his girl and that’s what it was all about and his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never shower her that was the year that Father Tracy died and he forgot how the end of the Apostle’s Creed went and he caught his sister making out on the back porch and his mother and father never kissed or even talked and the girl around the corner wore too much makeup that made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do and at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly.
That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem and he called it “Absolutely Nothing” because that’s what it was really all about and he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist and he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn’t think he could reach the kitchen.
It's just really sad, I don't know what else you could say.
I made such a good all instrumental CD tonight well mostly instrumental. It's perfect. It's all Explosions in the Sky, Mogwai, Sigur Ros, American Football, Godspeed You Black Emperor, The Appleseed Cast, The Album Leaf, Mono and Broken Social Scene.
I love my family but I HATE living with them. I can't take it.
It's actually all my fault but still...