I dont kare...
Im really opening up here...some things in my head...so you are forewarned...nothing bad about anybody other then myself though, I dont hate anybody new...I just still hate myself.
First one good thing...I got back into one class...better than nothing though I gues...I just missed a week of class over state's fucking bullshit.
I figured it out...im not ment to be happy with anybody. No matter how hard I try, I always fuck it up. Over the past several...well, real relationships I have had, I have either done something wrong, said something I shouldn't have, or some how I just fuck up. All I want is somebody who likes me, I like, and we both have our space, but at the same time we are close. Just...you know, be able to do what we need to or want without the other getting mad, but still have a close relationship. I try to be sweet, I try to do all the proper things, make sacrifices when they need to be made...but it just never works out for me. The only thing I have to look foreward to right now is going to the beach in May. Now it wont be as good, but at least ill be away from here for a while. After that...I really dont kare at all if I die. Its just...I have nothing basically. I have my family and a few friends yes, but half my family hardly ever talks to me, some of them treat me like shit, and I hardly ever see my friends. I get a call once in a while or make one once in a while...but its not like it used to be. It seems like, every time I finally get somebody and they are close to me, I start to kinda settled down and be good, then I fuck things up and it all goes to hell for me. Ohh well. I think now might be a good time for me to seriously consider seeing that mental help guy. Hmm..we have free stuff at the college. Nah...not there, ill see a real Dr. Can't think of his name right now. Ill find it later.
For those who read this, I dont want anybody to feel sorry for me, it just helps me cope with the pain to get things out. Sometimes it helps more than other times, but I guess every little bit I can feel better, then thats better. Well, im off. Im gonna try to sleep. Later,
-Teufel Drache
First one good thing...I got back into one class...better than nothing though I gues...I just missed a week of class over state's fucking bullshit.
I figured it out...im not ment to be happy with anybody. No matter how hard I try, I always fuck it up. Over the past several...well, real relationships I have had, I have either done something wrong, said something I shouldn't have, or some how I just fuck up. All I want is somebody who likes me, I like, and we both have our space, but at the same time we are close. Just...you know, be able to do what we need to or want without the other getting mad, but still have a close relationship. I try to be sweet, I try to do all the proper things, make sacrifices when they need to be made...but it just never works out for me. The only thing I have to look foreward to right now is going to the beach in May. Now it wont be as good, but at least ill be away from here for a while. After that...I really dont kare at all if I die. Its just...I have nothing basically. I have my family and a few friends yes, but half my family hardly ever talks to me, some of them treat me like shit, and I hardly ever see my friends. I get a call once in a while or make one once in a while...but its not like it used to be. It seems like, every time I finally get somebody and they are close to me, I start to kinda settled down and be good, then I fuck things up and it all goes to hell for me. Ohh well. I think now might be a good time for me to seriously consider seeing that mental help guy. Hmm..we have free stuff at the college. Nah...not there, ill see a real Dr. Can't think of his name right now. Ill find it later.
For those who read this, I dont want anybody to feel sorry for me, it just helps me cope with the pain to get things out. Sometimes it helps more than other times, but I guess every little bit I can feel better, then thats better. Well, im off. Im gonna try to sleep. Later,
-Teufel Drache