(no subject)
wanna know what? a long time ago, well about 10th grade. i was so incredibly filled with joy because i felt that i KNEW that when i got to heaven that my diabetes would go away. and i cried all the time because i was so thankful that a being like that existed; to make all my hurt go away and make me "whole" again. but then, if such god exists, and i was so humbled to meet him, he gave me that god damned hurt, and i didnt want to meet someone who inflicted disease on me. one that will kill me. thank you god. if you exist thank you for making my life a living hell. I, now, cant beleive how I could have felt such great unmeasurable happiness and anticipation for heaven. I couldnt beleive it. i cant beleive that i ever felt that way. i cant even put these words down into a way that makes sense. so i am very sorry for this not making ANY SENSE. basically, i used to love the "fact" i was going to heaven so i would be healed because beleive it or not, this disease is killing me. but now i realize that to recognize that "god" who gave it to me would be a sin to myself. IF he exists. I fucking hate him. and everytime ive ever cried about it, all those tears were for everyone else who " he" hurt with disease.