Oct 21, 2004 19:12
well, i havent updated in a few weeks, but im listening to this song on WBMT and its a sappy song and its gonna make me cry. i needa good cry right about now, my week has juss sucked. ive bascially fucked things up with me and brian prolly for good this time. maybe its a good thing but i didnt want it to happen. ive lost trust in everyone at masco. i dont even kno what to do with myself anymore. i hate myself a lot this week. i cant talk to anyone, im holding everything in, thats not like me. ive been so quiet and to myself the past few days, im so depressing to look at. study today was good, first time ive laughed this week. god gotta love dani and bert lol that was funny.
well saturday, i went to this farm thing that had a clam bake and i ate like ive never seen food before. omg i ate so much! then i picked katy up and saw alyssa! it was cool i saw almost her entire family, and older people i havent seen since i lived in winthrop. we talked about when we were in winthrop and growing up. i saw some funny pics of me and alyssa and her brother and sisters when we were little. it was good i got to see alyssa. shes coming to my halloween party on the 30th! which is exciting.
sunday, katy went home, i went out with dani to the mall and met up with kerri and chris. haha they are a funny bunch and i love em to death.i put on some freaky clothes at kohls and chris put on a skirt haha..o man. then me and dani did some shoppingg and i came home. i picked up the new cd from The Used. o m g. it is orgasmic. im in love with it.
monday..the day where everything begins! DUN DUN DUNNN!! CAN YOU HANDLE IT?! i dont really think u can. well..me and brian were talking, and well yea i dont feel like talking about it. basically, we were a bunch of horndogs that night and things got bad.
tuesday- went to my first day of work, hung out with some seniors that were friends with MicKayla. they were pretty coool. then i came home to hell. god it was bad bad bad. brian changed his mind. didnt kno that it bothered me. end of tuesday.
weds-after being an asshole all day, because that girl who me and katy arent that fond of, i fucked things up big time. BIGG TIME. so i wrote him a note. that was a mistake even tho i apologized, i shuda juss shut up and left everything unsaid. i went to work, came home. me and brian go into a bitch session. life sucks. the worse day of the week.
today. well today i walked in and instantly bitchyness overcame me. i hit brian, greg and i think randall lol in like 5 mins. katy showed up and i left i cant stand the morning group anymore. its only cause im a bitch this week. i hate myself i really do. i didnt really talk to brian or anyone that much. kinda juss katy cause thats like one of the only people i trust right now. thanks to dani and katy for talking to me. well im talking to brian now so i guess things are good. w/e fuck it all im dumb and i still hate myself. greg got my sense fail ticket : - ) SENSES FAIL IN 3 DAYS! AND THE RED SOX ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!! WOOTT!
yea. and my entire body is so sore its crazy. i still feel unwanted right now. like useless and as if theres no reason to be here. it must be noticeable cause even bert said i look depressed..even tho hes stoned lol. i juss needa be like hugged or felt like i belong here. i kinda feel like a asshole cause my insecurites are coming back. prolly why i am the way i am. my low self esteem is setting in again and it really sucks. i juss needa someone right now i guess. someone to hold me lol what a fag i am. : - / i hope i get outta this soon..god. pumpkin fest i better have fun. maybe ill meet people at the concert. i dono well maybe it will go away. i was juss hurt i guess i dont think its gone away yet either : -/