Eat my PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I haven't updated in forever, i have internet and shit, i just havent come here much recently, and i was glad.
Im in newmexico, the base and town are small but that's alright, they still have a few bars and 2 colleges so its pretty much a small college town ahhaa :D. Few more weeks to 21... i wont have to hide out on weekends, it's getting stupid! Weekdays usually pass by fairly fast. I'm afraid of staying in the military; i'm afraid to like it and make a future family live a military life. I don't know what to do, but I dont want to leave.
During the week I still can't really work on the planes much on the flightline till i finish my f-16 saftey course. (Almost done!!!) I'm able to help with launches and basic wire / component repairs though, which is fine. Seeing an f-16 take off after a redball and land 6-7 hours later without the missles and bombs which were loaded on it before is ... i cant explain it. I don't know how to describe how it feels to know you fixed the jet that killed many people. ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have my CDC's now, im not sure what it stands for, but its a series of tests at the end of each month for 6 months on my job. I was given my packets last week so i gotta keep studying them. I really dont want to, im tired of the paperwork, its like fuckin highschool, so stupid. I've come too far to turn back now though, and im not gonna let paperwork stop me.
One of my instructers in techschool said you'd be surprised how the base's are run once you get to a non-training base. He's was 100% right. It seems like kids run it. Young airmen like me run the base. I still don't fully understand how thats possible but its true. We fix these planes, and ensure the mission gets done on time and correctly, day in and day out, 24/7 on call. We know that we are ready to give the ultimate sacrifice at moments notice if it'll get the mission done and I think thats what binds us all together to help eachother get everything done. Sure, theres older members, but about 70% of the airmen stationed @ the base seem to be 25 and younger.
(This also makes weekends badass) Everyone drinking age goes out and gets alcohol, the penalty for underage drinking and distributing to a minor is INSANE. But we get away with it, hey, we work hard, we play hard, and i think security forces understands that. I just need to keep my head on straight... weekends are a blurr most of the time. Before i know it, its like today, monday again.
Im hurt again. It was bound to happen, I led it on like I always do when I know things wont work. Pictures from the wallet, girl from the heart. It's a vicious cycle. I need to live.
I miss home. I miss my brothers and parents. I love them so much. I especially miss my mom. I talk to her everyday if I can. She alwayas asks me if im happy with my choice. It wasnt a choice, I was sick of everything and i forced myself to come. I feel like im dying inside. I understand what it's like to be an adult, its scary. I hope im like my uncle, and i know i will be. He was always a kid inside. I remember playing with him when i was little. He was the best <3.
I don't talk to friends from home inless they call me or message me. It's just another stupid game I play. Im so insecure. I want to see if they think of me and remember me. It's so childish, and i'll never stop... I want to forget everything before I joined. I need to be alone and be with everyone at the same time. I MISS CALIFORNIA.
My new friends, they are from everywhere. Most from New York. One from the bronx or however you spell it, hes probly my closest friend. He's the partying type. I just follow him usually. He seems to know how to have fun and stay outta trouble (for the most part) very well. :) We've planned to go to the sports bar on base for my birthday, apparently imma get my ass kicked and then get drinks from everyone. :P we'll see about that. Everyone of legal age goes to the bar on base, its so nice. Literally like 20 + Tv's in there. Airforce spends alot of money on ensuring that the quality of life for its airmen is the best. It keeps moral up. We have bands come in and play in there sometimes. Girls at this base arent like the ones in techschool. With GPS. Golden pussy syndrome. In techschool the girls were out numbered something like 25 to 1. They thought they could get anyone. Well fuck that. Girls will be girls though. And life goes on, im best off being gay lol. I used to tell my ex that, she hated it. When we broke up i told her i was gay now because she made me sick of girls; she was so mad. :) I don't talk to her like everyone else inless they message me. And even then, I wish she'd die, i'll never stop hurting. She told me it'll get better with time. In my opinion its like a deep cut. Sure it heals but the scar will always be there, and you'll always remember.
This week I have bay orderly, I have to basically be the janitor for the dorms lol. Infact, im being it right now :) im finished though so fuck it, im here typing. Im SUPPOSED to work till 3:30pm, its 9:30am now hahaa. <-- WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Ask D-Loc if you think im joking. SO give me a price to speak, and imma take it. Give me a law to break, and imma break it. True to myself and state I can't fake it. Put the pot in the brownie mix and imma bake it!!!!!!!
All these bautiful things growing up in california and all the memories from the people who knew ya. Don't test mother nature she's a powerful person. Don't get caught up in a bind for being stupid like abortion. These are the types of checks you can't cash. When you try to live long you can't afford to be an ass; when you walk into a party being loud and obnoxious; when you walk up to a hottie with no respect or compliments. It's fuckin nonsese, this life's a journey. All the people I meet and all the people acting funny like crash test dummies, people come and people go. Like liquor store dough they accept it like a treasure. Someone's pain is another man's pleasure. We need to stick together to make this beautifiul place better. Your times approching in this live you're living in the aftermath of the new beginning. In the waking dream of all things unseen, the cycle is complete. The universe has justified my life and set me free. A smile spreads across my face and prepares me for the ride, the setting sun begins to set the perfect way to die.
(Sorry to get off subject, i just love Kotton Mouth Kings, it reminds me of the parties @ home I used to go to with my ex's brother lol) :( Good times offroading in my friends trucks.
Paullete, sorry i havent talked to you much. I've been busy. It's not a legit excuse i know, and thats why im appologizing. I still wear the necklace everyday.
Todd i realised you left me a comment ;) thank you, I miss you too man. I miss old times, and they werent too long ago.
Britt, you suck. You'll always suck. :) <3 Wait,
Im in newmexico, the base and town are small but that's alright, they still have a few bars and 2 colleges so its pretty much a small college town ahhaa :D. Few more weeks to 21... i wont have to hide out on weekends, it's getting stupid! Weekdays usually pass by fairly fast. I'm afraid of staying in the military; i'm afraid to like it and make a future family live a military life. I don't know what to do, but I dont want to leave.
During the week I still can't really work on the planes much on the flightline till i finish my f-16 saftey course. (Almost done!!!) I'm able to help with launches and basic wire / component repairs though, which is fine. Seeing an f-16 take off after a redball and land 6-7 hours later without the missles and bombs which were loaded on it before is ... i cant explain it. I don't know how to describe how it feels to know you fixed the jet that killed many people. ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have my CDC's now, im not sure what it stands for, but its a series of tests at the end of each month for 6 months on my job. I was given my packets last week so i gotta keep studying them. I really dont want to, im tired of the paperwork, its like fuckin highschool, so stupid. I've come too far to turn back now though, and im not gonna let paperwork stop me.
One of my instructers in techschool said you'd be surprised how the base's are run once you get to a non-training base. He's was 100% right. It seems like kids run it. Young airmen like me run the base. I still don't fully understand how thats possible but its true. We fix these planes, and ensure the mission gets done on time and correctly, day in and day out, 24/7 on call. We know that we are ready to give the ultimate sacrifice at moments notice if it'll get the mission done and I think thats what binds us all together to help eachother get everything done. Sure, theres older members, but about 70% of the airmen stationed @ the base seem to be 25 and younger.
(This also makes weekends badass) Everyone drinking age goes out and gets alcohol, the penalty for underage drinking and distributing to a minor is INSANE. But we get away with it, hey, we work hard, we play hard, and i think security forces understands that. I just need to keep my head on straight... weekends are a blurr most of the time. Before i know it, its like today, monday again.
Im hurt again. It was bound to happen, I led it on like I always do when I know things wont work. Pictures from the wallet, girl from the heart. It's a vicious cycle. I need to live.
I miss home. I miss my brothers and parents. I love them so much. I especially miss my mom. I talk to her everyday if I can. She alwayas asks me if im happy with my choice. It wasnt a choice, I was sick of everything and i forced myself to come. I feel like im dying inside. I understand what it's like to be an adult, its scary. I hope im like my uncle, and i know i will be. He was always a kid inside. I remember playing with him when i was little. He was the best <3.
I don't talk to friends from home inless they call me or message me. It's just another stupid game I play. Im so insecure. I want to see if they think of me and remember me. It's so childish, and i'll never stop... I want to forget everything before I joined. I need to be alone and be with everyone at the same time. I MISS CALIFORNIA.
My new friends, they are from everywhere. Most from New York. One from the bronx or however you spell it, hes probly my closest friend. He's the partying type. I just follow him usually. He seems to know how to have fun and stay outta trouble (for the most part) very well. :) We've planned to go to the sports bar on base for my birthday, apparently imma get my ass kicked and then get drinks from everyone. :P we'll see about that. Everyone of legal age goes to the bar on base, its so nice. Literally like 20 + Tv's in there. Airforce spends alot of money on ensuring that the quality of life for its airmen is the best. It keeps moral up. We have bands come in and play in there sometimes. Girls at this base arent like the ones in techschool. With GPS. Golden pussy syndrome. In techschool the girls were out numbered something like 25 to 1. They thought they could get anyone. Well fuck that. Girls will be girls though. And life goes on, im best off being gay lol. I used to tell my ex that, she hated it. When we broke up i told her i was gay now because she made me sick of girls; she was so mad. :) I don't talk to her like everyone else inless they message me. And even then, I wish she'd die, i'll never stop hurting. She told me it'll get better with time. In my opinion its like a deep cut. Sure it heals but the scar will always be there, and you'll always remember.
This week I have bay orderly, I have to basically be the janitor for the dorms lol. Infact, im being it right now :) im finished though so fuck it, im here typing. Im SUPPOSED to work till 3:30pm, its 9:30am now hahaa. <-- WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Ask D-Loc if you think im joking. SO give me a price to speak, and imma take it. Give me a law to break, and imma break it. True to myself and state I can't fake it. Put the pot in the brownie mix and imma bake it!!!!!!!
All these bautiful things growing up in california and all the memories from the people who knew ya. Don't test mother nature she's a powerful person. Don't get caught up in a bind for being stupid like abortion. These are the types of checks you can't cash. When you try to live long you can't afford to be an ass; when you walk into a party being loud and obnoxious; when you walk up to a hottie with no respect or compliments. It's fuckin nonsese, this life's a journey. All the people I meet and all the people acting funny like crash test dummies, people come and people go. Like liquor store dough they accept it like a treasure. Someone's pain is another man's pleasure. We need to stick together to make this beautifiul place better. Your times approching in this live you're living in the aftermath of the new beginning. In the waking dream of all things unseen, the cycle is complete. The universe has justified my life and set me free. A smile spreads across my face and prepares me for the ride, the setting sun begins to set the perfect way to die.
(Sorry to get off subject, i just love Kotton Mouth Kings, it reminds me of the parties @ home I used to go to with my ex's brother lol) :( Good times offroading in my friends trucks.
Paullete, sorry i havent talked to you much. I've been busy. It's not a legit excuse i know, and thats why im appologizing. I still wear the necklace everyday.
Todd i realised you left me a comment ;) thank you, I miss you too man. I miss old times, and they werent too long ago.
Britt, you suck. You'll always suck. :) <3 Wait,