i wish the incessant ad's would stop.
okay so i got the keys to my new place. i move in next tues/wed. my parents will be across the street in their own apartment. landlord gave them a deal for the 2 bedroom cus not all their furniture fit in the master bedroom, so they signed a 6month lease for 600 a month and i signed a year lease for 675. not bad. but my dad. ugh.
he is such a worry wart. he stresses about everything. and by now, after one heart attack and open heart surgery that he should tone it down a few. and he was doing good for a couple years. but not any more. drinks every day. (more than just a couple beers). swears every day at my mom. yells after she speaks to him, when yelling is not even necessary whatsoever.
and my mom is in another depression. after five years depression-free, she had had two depressions in the past 6 months. after 20 years of off and on depression, she knows that she still needs to rely on her medication to keep her stable. she hates that. my dad doesn't get it. he used to send her flowers and inspirational cards when she was sad. now she gets his yelling and agitation.
i have recently realized this is the one thing i despise my dad for.
i love him for everything he's done and yadda yadda but he can be such a jerk to my mom that i can't possibly love him as much as i love my mom. despite that he is just doing what he knows and making money for his family to live, but as a father you can't stop there. he has done so many nice things for me; just recently he brought me home a little fruit cup from the super market when i was in super final-study mode. that was the most simplest nicest thing i can remember him doing for me. i will never forget that. and don't get me wrong, he goes grocery shopping for my mom when she is like this, and brings home groceries and even made her dinner for mothers day which was awesome. but then if she opens her mouth he snaps at her for whatever it is she says. whether it's an opinion or not. whether he agrees with it (which he will NEVER admit) or not. he always calls her stupid and makes fun of her in front of the rest of the family alll the time. and now my brother is starting to do it. and my brother drinks every time he is here. he doesn't get drunk, but he drinks whenever he is over. it's terrible. does my dad get drunk? i don't know. i know he becomes more of an asshole when he drinks more. but drunk for him is so... it's more than a holiday i guess. i don't know how to explain it. i have been noticing it's been happening more often on accident than i think he means it to. but i will never know what he means.
he went to therapy a little while back when his drinking was real bad, just a couple months ago. and the therapist said he thinks he has a lot of pent up anger and unresolved issues from his childhood. he never went back.
he told my mom what the therapist said and she told him she's known this for years. still never went back.
my dad has the ego the size of a pea. alcoholism runs in his family. his father was a shadow of what a father should be.
my psychoanalysis of my dad is this. he puts my mom down because for that second it makes him proud that he is higher than she. he knows that there is more to being a father than just making money. but thats all his father did. his father was kicked out before he was a toddler and just supplied money i believe, if that. so on one hand my dad doesnt know any better. but on the other hand he loves my mom and damn well knows better.
i just wish she would tell him to shutup.
oh wait - she did once. recently. right before he went to the therapist. having his wife speak back to him like she did made him realize he had taken things too far.
it's partially my mothers fault because she lets him talk to her. but she knows he is wrong and doesn't need to defend herself. she knows she is stronger than his harsh words and thats why she never talks back. but it was a bad example to show her children that being talked to like that was.. okay.
but my dad knows it's wrong.
i know it's wrong.
my brother.. well i really have no idea.
but i wish my dad could man up and quit the drinking and hug and kiss his wife.
it's sad to admit that i know what not to look for in a man from watching my mom and dad. i will never let a man talk to me like he talks to her. ever. i will never end up like that. because i could have all the nice stuff my mom and dad have and if im unhappy, i wont give a shit about a nice house and a nice car. id honestly rather have a p.o.s. car or even a bike to get me from point a to b and have a great husband than to have a miserable life. it's sad to think that my mom's biggest apprehension about moving to an apartment and then to their house in s.c. is that they will be living closer to strangers than ever before and she is worried her neighbors will hear her husband yelling at her. she has told me this numerous times.
sad.
but right now they are both at mass because it's a holy day.
and how am i not bipolar? ohh thats right because i've locked myself in my room since i was a teen! (haha)
he is such a worry wart. he stresses about everything. and by now, after one heart attack and open heart surgery that he should tone it down a few. and he was doing good for a couple years. but not any more. drinks every day. (more than just a couple beers). swears every day at my mom. yells after she speaks to him, when yelling is not even necessary whatsoever.
and my mom is in another depression. after five years depression-free, she had had two depressions in the past 6 months. after 20 years of off and on depression, she knows that she still needs to rely on her medication to keep her stable. she hates that. my dad doesn't get it. he used to send her flowers and inspirational cards when she was sad. now she gets his yelling and agitation.
i have recently realized this is the one thing i despise my dad for.
i love him for everything he's done and yadda yadda but he can be such a jerk to my mom that i can't possibly love him as much as i love my mom. despite that he is just doing what he knows and making money for his family to live, but as a father you can't stop there. he has done so many nice things for me; just recently he brought me home a little fruit cup from the super market when i was in super final-study mode. that was the most simplest nicest thing i can remember him doing for me. i will never forget that. and don't get me wrong, he goes grocery shopping for my mom when she is like this, and brings home groceries and even made her dinner for mothers day which was awesome. but then if she opens her mouth he snaps at her for whatever it is she says. whether it's an opinion or not. whether he agrees with it (which he will NEVER admit) or not. he always calls her stupid and makes fun of her in front of the rest of the family alll the time. and now my brother is starting to do it. and my brother drinks every time he is here. he doesn't get drunk, but he drinks whenever he is over. it's terrible. does my dad get drunk? i don't know. i know he becomes more of an asshole when he drinks more. but drunk for him is so... it's more than a holiday i guess. i don't know how to explain it. i have been noticing it's been happening more often on accident than i think he means it to. but i will never know what he means.
he went to therapy a little while back when his drinking was real bad, just a couple months ago. and the therapist said he thinks he has a lot of pent up anger and unresolved issues from his childhood. he never went back.
he told my mom what the therapist said and she told him she's known this for years. still never went back.
my dad has the ego the size of a pea. alcoholism runs in his family. his father was a shadow of what a father should be.
my psychoanalysis of my dad is this. he puts my mom down because for that second it makes him proud that he is higher than she. he knows that there is more to being a father than just making money. but thats all his father did. his father was kicked out before he was a toddler and just supplied money i believe, if that. so on one hand my dad doesnt know any better. but on the other hand he loves my mom and damn well knows better.
i just wish she would tell him to shutup.
oh wait - she did once. recently. right before he went to the therapist. having his wife speak back to him like she did made him realize he had taken things too far.
it's partially my mothers fault because she lets him talk to her. but she knows he is wrong and doesn't need to defend herself. she knows she is stronger than his harsh words and thats why she never talks back. but it was a bad example to show her children that being talked to like that was.. okay.
but my dad knows it's wrong.
i know it's wrong.
my brother.. well i really have no idea.
but i wish my dad could man up and quit the drinking and hug and kiss his wife.
it's sad to admit that i know what not to look for in a man from watching my mom and dad. i will never let a man talk to me like he talks to her. ever. i will never end up like that. because i could have all the nice stuff my mom and dad have and if im unhappy, i wont give a shit about a nice house and a nice car. id honestly rather have a p.o.s. car or even a bike to get me from point a to b and have a great husband than to have a miserable life. it's sad to think that my mom's biggest apprehension about moving to an apartment and then to their house in s.c. is that they will be living closer to strangers than ever before and she is worried her neighbors will hear her husband yelling at her. she has told me this numerous times.
sad.
but right now they are both at mass because it's a holy day.
and how am i not bipolar? ohh thats right because i've locked myself in my room since i was a teen! (haha)