Loving is Learning...
i truly believe it is. learning about ourselves. learning about yourself can be the most painful thing you ever experience. especially if the things you learn about yourself are things that you absolutely hate about yourself. you know, it's true when they say that the reason why we feel the need to point out a flaw in others that it's because we hate that very thing about ourselves. it's more than likely a subconscious thing.
the hardest part of it, i believe, is DEALING with it. the actual dealing process, is actually more like a mourning process. mourning the loss of this control over yourself that you thought you had, when you realize you have absolutely no control over the kind of person you are. discovering that you're insecure is a hard thing to swallow. discovering that you're non-trusting is an even harder thing to swallow. learning more about where you come from, and why you turned out this way. you seek answers, so you ask yourself where this happened, and what you can do to fix it? don't change it for another person, but because you want the change to come. to change because it will better your life as a human being.
when you come to terms with this problem that you're trying to solve, and it pops it's evil head out again...it's painful trying to fight it. you fight, and fight, and fight. the first couple of times, you break. you have to make a promise to yourself that you will let God do his work. like my brother said, "God is taking those hard spots in your heart, and breaking them up...and it hurts, i know it hurts...but you have to believe in yourself, and trust in yourself to let him in."
the first time it came back to me, it burned deep inside so bad. the pain was almost one i couldn't take. i held it in, and let my heart ache beyond. i could feel myself almost cry because i was fighting this powerful force that has possessed my mind for so long. i held it in, because i knew that some day it would be gone. i would fight this so long, that i could exhaust this force that dwells within. someday, some day...i will win...
i love you.
the hardest part of it, i believe, is DEALING with it. the actual dealing process, is actually more like a mourning process. mourning the loss of this control over yourself that you thought you had, when you realize you have absolutely no control over the kind of person you are. discovering that you're insecure is a hard thing to swallow. discovering that you're non-trusting is an even harder thing to swallow. learning more about where you come from, and why you turned out this way. you seek answers, so you ask yourself where this happened, and what you can do to fix it? don't change it for another person, but because you want the change to come. to change because it will better your life as a human being.
when you come to terms with this problem that you're trying to solve, and it pops it's evil head out again...it's painful trying to fight it. you fight, and fight, and fight. the first couple of times, you break. you have to make a promise to yourself that you will let God do his work. like my brother said, "God is taking those hard spots in your heart, and breaking them up...and it hurts, i know it hurts...but you have to believe in yourself, and trust in yourself to let him in."
the first time it came back to me, it burned deep inside so bad. the pain was almost one i couldn't take. i held it in, and let my heart ache beyond. i could feel myself almost cry because i was fighting this powerful force that has possessed my mind for so long. i held it in, because i knew that some day it would be gone. i would fight this so long, that i could exhaust this force that dwells within. someday, some day...i will win...
i love you.