fuckface
ive been meaning to post this for a while, but its so damned complicated ive been avoiding it.
i met chris when i was 17, we have been close friends for almost 10 years. before we knew each other, we were dating the same girl (who eventually became his wife for some time)chris hated me without knowing who i was.
one day, the first day i did lsd as a matter of fact, we met.
i got it from him through another friend. chris saw that there were a few too many tripping people on the street, and decided to take a few home with him. "you, you, you,...and you" he pointed at me last. "come with me" he said. we went.
everyone else on the planet is a moron. this was some really instenly good cid, especially for a newbie. this was in 95 or 96 or something. GD triple dipped. i was on one, peaking when i got there, he fed us more throughout the night, i probably ended up eating like 5.
crystal, the girl, was there, being a bitch as always, lobo sat on the couch, happily and quietly frying his brain cells to a blackened crisp. jinx was being the epitomy of a moron. star was being a brainless ho. chris and i got along great, having actual intelligent conversation (as well as tripping 17 year olds could possibly do) and we hit it off.
we became best of friends. even when he found out i was the guy he hated most, he had to love me. he couldnt be mad at all. i was the only person he had met that was his intelectual equal.
over the years we raised each other in many ways, as we grew up and learned the facts of life the hard way, on the streets with no help, except each other. we had to learn everything from how to pay rent, put food on the table, to how to deal drugs on a massive scale, and how to deal with people and tight social cliques.
he was the master of the mind, and i a master of emotion. i never worried about problems, he took care of them. he never worried about his feelings, i took care of those. we completed each other, in fact, had one of us been a woman, we would likely have married.
for a long time we spent all our time together 24/7. we didnt need to speak. im not into the supernatural, but i swear we communicated telepathicly, as much as one can in this reality.
we would start a conversation, then be perfectly quiet. several hours later, we would bring the conversation back to vocal, just to get the point across. never missed a beat.
he played bad cop. i played good cop. we worked every crowd.
then he met (his)mom. and it doesnt surprise me that this is where things started to go wrong. this is when speed entered the picture. i hate her, so does he (now)
worse off, he met dei at the same time (junkie ho)
since that time, we have drifted apart. i continued to grow, in mind and spirit, whereas he has become a fuckface. he stumbles over the same problems he has been dealing with forever, and knows how to get over, but just wont.
he is being retared, like every other sleeping silly sheep in this world who just wont fucking wake up and take care of them self. his answer for everything lies in being twitterpated over yet another speed junkie ho, and her two children, and some perfect, normal life with them.
its just another distraction, like all the other distractions that sleepers use to avoid dealing with themselves.
i try to engage him in old school intelect. old things, things we have been over before, textbook princables of existance, and he doesnt know the answers...the answers he helped me find. he cannot even pass the quiz at the end of chapter one of the book of life, that he and i wrote together.
i looked up to him for the longest time, he knew so much that i did not. i always felt that there was something critical i knew that he didn't, that i could share with him. when i did, we were unstopable. a force not to be reckoned with by anyone. i dont care who you were, or who or what organization you worked for, we were above you, and you could not touch us.
period.
at some point, it was just all too good to be true for him. like the inhabitants of the original matrix, he rejected the reality which was just too harmonius. he needed strife, problems, rejection, frustration, obstacles. why someone would want or need these is beyond me, all i can guess is that they are simply stupid. even chris, and i hate to say it, especially about him.
the chris i knew is gone. he is no more. he works at a petco, and checks whether or not his bullshit girlfreind is home or not, to see if she is out with people she shouldnt be with, donig things she should not. he puts up with it, because he is afraid to find something better to do.
im sick of it. worse yet, im lonely. not having a girl sucks alot, yes. not having a lifelong friend sucks even more. i feel as though he died. for as much as i want to see him, i cant stand to be around him. the chris i want is simply not with us anymore.
how do you deal with someone death if they havnt actually died. running into him is like eeing a ghost, like being haunted. ive lost mary, my babies mother, and my two kids. now him.
what the fuck am i supposed to do? im all alone, and there is no one who can think deep enough, or knows me well enough to bond with me in that special way that makes me learn, grow, and become the more mature and intense person i have always wanted to be.
im on my own now, at least for the time being, and i wonder if i'll ever be able to look at someone again, and have them answer the question in my mind with a simple nod or a shake, without words.
ive lost a friend...and im freaking pissed.
i met chris when i was 17, we have been close friends for almost 10 years. before we knew each other, we were dating the same girl (who eventually became his wife for some time)chris hated me without knowing who i was.
one day, the first day i did lsd as a matter of fact, we met.
i got it from him through another friend. chris saw that there were a few too many tripping people on the street, and decided to take a few home with him. "you, you, you,...and you" he pointed at me last. "come with me" he said. we went.
everyone else on the planet is a moron. this was some really instenly good cid, especially for a newbie. this was in 95 or 96 or something. GD triple dipped. i was on one, peaking when i got there, he fed us more throughout the night, i probably ended up eating like 5.
crystal, the girl, was there, being a bitch as always, lobo sat on the couch, happily and quietly frying his brain cells to a blackened crisp. jinx was being the epitomy of a moron. star was being a brainless ho. chris and i got along great, having actual intelligent conversation (as well as tripping 17 year olds could possibly do) and we hit it off.
we became best of friends. even when he found out i was the guy he hated most, he had to love me. he couldnt be mad at all. i was the only person he had met that was his intelectual equal.
over the years we raised each other in many ways, as we grew up and learned the facts of life the hard way, on the streets with no help, except each other. we had to learn everything from how to pay rent, put food on the table, to how to deal drugs on a massive scale, and how to deal with people and tight social cliques.
he was the master of the mind, and i a master of emotion. i never worried about problems, he took care of them. he never worried about his feelings, i took care of those. we completed each other, in fact, had one of us been a woman, we would likely have married.
for a long time we spent all our time together 24/7. we didnt need to speak. im not into the supernatural, but i swear we communicated telepathicly, as much as one can in this reality.
we would start a conversation, then be perfectly quiet. several hours later, we would bring the conversation back to vocal, just to get the point across. never missed a beat.
he played bad cop. i played good cop. we worked every crowd.
then he met (his)mom. and it doesnt surprise me that this is where things started to go wrong. this is when speed entered the picture. i hate her, so does he (now)
worse off, he met dei at the same time (junkie ho)
since that time, we have drifted apart. i continued to grow, in mind and spirit, whereas he has become a fuckface. he stumbles over the same problems he has been dealing with forever, and knows how to get over, but just wont.
he is being retared, like every other sleeping silly sheep in this world who just wont fucking wake up and take care of them self. his answer for everything lies in being twitterpated over yet another speed junkie ho, and her two children, and some perfect, normal life with them.
its just another distraction, like all the other distractions that sleepers use to avoid dealing with themselves.
i try to engage him in old school intelect. old things, things we have been over before, textbook princables of existance, and he doesnt know the answers...the answers he helped me find. he cannot even pass the quiz at the end of chapter one of the book of life, that he and i wrote together.
i looked up to him for the longest time, he knew so much that i did not. i always felt that there was something critical i knew that he didn't, that i could share with him. when i did, we were unstopable. a force not to be reckoned with by anyone. i dont care who you were, or who or what organization you worked for, we were above you, and you could not touch us.
period.
at some point, it was just all too good to be true for him. like the inhabitants of the original matrix, he rejected the reality which was just too harmonius. he needed strife, problems, rejection, frustration, obstacles. why someone would want or need these is beyond me, all i can guess is that they are simply stupid. even chris, and i hate to say it, especially about him.
the chris i knew is gone. he is no more. he works at a petco, and checks whether or not his bullshit girlfreind is home or not, to see if she is out with people she shouldnt be with, donig things she should not. he puts up with it, because he is afraid to find something better to do.
im sick of it. worse yet, im lonely. not having a girl sucks alot, yes. not having a lifelong friend sucks even more. i feel as though he died. for as much as i want to see him, i cant stand to be around him. the chris i want is simply not with us anymore.
how do you deal with someone death if they havnt actually died. running into him is like eeing a ghost, like being haunted. ive lost mary, my babies mother, and my two kids. now him.
what the fuck am i supposed to do? im all alone, and there is no one who can think deep enough, or knows me well enough to bond with me in that special way that makes me learn, grow, and become the more mature and intense person i have always wanted to be.
im on my own now, at least for the time being, and i wonder if i'll ever be able to look at someone again, and have them answer the question in my mind with a simple nod or a shake, without words.
ive lost a friend...and im freaking pissed.