(no subject)
I wonder how many people would say that I'm nothing coming from nowhere. Or rather somewhere that can't be redeemed. Not that I would agree, but I feel that treatment in a subtle way. I'm really not a competitive person. I prefer to lend self esteem to others through my flaws. Not that I have a low opinion of myself, but I feel more productive and less egocentric in doing so.
I feel that I'm truly not the best there is at anything. Except loving, because I feel that most people use their heart to a lesser extent. If they actually tried to love 100% they'd be there. And the fact that I give 100% and always have (perhaps stupidly) somehow makes my heart less credible. Like I don't feel every cell shifting in my body towards what it's supposed to. Just because I've ended up places before doesn't mean that my soul conformed. If I'm walking home through a slum part of town it's my path, not my destination, not my devotion. In the same sense, if I stuck around relationships that were shit in the past it's because I felt my path. I wasn't done learning what I needed to learn until my gut told me to stop suffering. Turn a corner. Ya basta.
Before my gut used to tell me to doubt, but never go far. Now she tells me I must go far, but never doubt.
Who cares what people think anyways?
I almost never found anyone's heart as credible as mine. Almost.
I feel that I'm truly not the best there is at anything. Except loving, because I feel that most people use their heart to a lesser extent. If they actually tried to love 100% they'd be there. And the fact that I give 100% and always have (perhaps stupidly) somehow makes my heart less credible. Like I don't feel every cell shifting in my body towards what it's supposed to. Just because I've ended up places before doesn't mean that my soul conformed. If I'm walking home through a slum part of town it's my path, not my destination, not my devotion. In the same sense, if I stuck around relationships that were shit in the past it's because I felt my path. I wasn't done learning what I needed to learn until my gut told me to stop suffering. Turn a corner. Ya basta.
Before my gut used to tell me to doubt, but never go far. Now she tells me I must go far, but never doubt.
Who cares what people think anyways?
I almost never found anyone's heart as credible as mine. Almost.