(no subject)
ok, I just updated like 5 hours ago, ( I think it posted twice ) but I have so many thoughts I need to get out.
I'm at my moms still, she took me to a bar tonight. I feel sick. I had a michelob light & a bud light. & now I'm smoking a cig thinking about how much I want to cry & throw up..& die.
I'm sad. & lonley. I miss sarah so fxcking much. I still don't know why she left me. I loved her so much. she was the only think I wanted to live for. then she killed me.
I'm pathetic. I hate girls right now. & guys don't even like me. I swear I'm a guy repelent or some shit.
I'm going to die alone. but really, don't we all die alone?
I'm I depressing you yet? oh well.
I miss a lot of you. emma, kristina, nitza, everyone.
I feel like shit because I feel like I ditched you all or something. I'm horrible. I should die.
I don't want to go home. its always yelling & screaming. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of cutting because of it. I have other lame shit to cut over. god.
I can't wait till I move in with my mom. I feel loved & wanted here. I feel like I'm somebody. I feel LOVE here.
I have to throw up. I'm making myself sick. I want to eat & I won't allow myself. I looked at my wrist & want to cut more because of it. I have 23 new cuts on my wrist & 4 on my stomach. I don't care what you guys think. I'm sick of people telling me to stop cutting. you don't understand. its like a drug for me & I'm addicted.
*sigh*
my fingers hurt from typing. (I'm on the cell). I'm going to bed.
goodnight.
I'm at my moms still, she took me to a bar tonight. I feel sick. I had a michelob light & a bud light. & now I'm smoking a cig thinking about how much I want to cry & throw up..& die.
I'm sad. & lonley. I miss sarah so fxcking much. I still don't know why she left me. I loved her so much. she was the only think I wanted to live for. then she killed me.
I'm pathetic. I hate girls right now. & guys don't even like me. I swear I'm a guy repelent or some shit.
I'm going to die alone. but really, don't we all die alone?
I'm I depressing you yet? oh well.
I miss a lot of you. emma, kristina, nitza, everyone.
I feel like shit because I feel like I ditched you all or something. I'm horrible. I should die.
I don't want to go home. its always yelling & screaming. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of cutting because of it. I have other lame shit to cut over. god.
I can't wait till I move in with my mom. I feel loved & wanted here. I feel like I'm somebody. I feel LOVE here.
I have to throw up. I'm making myself sick. I want to eat & I won't allow myself. I looked at my wrist & want to cut more because of it. I have 23 new cuts on my wrist & 4 on my stomach. I don't care what you guys think. I'm sick of people telling me to stop cutting. you don't understand. its like a drug for me & I'm addicted.
*sigh*
my fingers hurt from typing. (I'm on the cell). I'm going to bed.
goodnight.