Trying
I'm really only updating for the sake of updating I guess because it's been awhile. Not because I have anything really worth updating about.
I'm trying to take care of myself. I signed up for a membership at Massage Envy. I'll be paying $59/month for it which I feel is a good deal even though it's a lot of money for me. But I feel like I really need it. My body is tired and suffering, and massages make me feel better. I'm also stressed out and I get a lot of headaches. The massages help with that too. The dramatic improvement I feel during and after getting a massage makes it difficult for me to NOT go regularly. I go in feeling so tired, tense, and hurting, and afterward I almost feel like a normal, healthy person again.
I also stopped taking birth control for the first time in almost 6 years. It's been a week and a half now. My body is adjusting and it's hard for my body to adjust to anything these days. My headaches have been worse, and I'm guessing they're hormone-induced from being off birth control. Once I can finally adjust though I think it will be better for me. This was doctor-recommended because the hormones aren't good for my system combined with all the other medications I'm taking. It is recommended that I never take hormonal birth control again... so I'm not going to.
I haven't been to the gym in over a week because of these headaches and being too tired. Sean is going tonight and I want to go with him because I actually don't have as bad of a headache right now... but I'm extremely exhausted, as usual. I've had a long day though. Not to mention, it's extremely hard to be motivated to work out when your doctor tells you that it doesn't matter how much exercise you get, you're still going to gain weight from the steroids. Motivation is pretty much shot to hell.
I've been taking ambien every night lately because I'm afraid that if I don't I won't sleep at all. Or that I'll fall asleep for a few hours and then wake up and by then it'll be too late for me to take one because it'll make me too tired when I have to wake up in the morning.
I've noticed that with all that's been going on for me lately I keep wanting to give in to this depressed state that's been hanging over my head. It's extremely easy to lose hope and only focus on the negative. I have many days where I feel pessimistic and lonely as hell and I could easily drive myself crazy. I try to not fall into that pit even though I fail probably half the time. But the other half of the time I still see the positive and focus on things that make me happy. I've been putting a lot of effort into my studies because it makes me feel super accomplished. And I'm pretty damn good at it, which helps as well.
I'm trying to take care of myself. I signed up for a membership at Massage Envy. I'll be paying $59/month for it which I feel is a good deal even though it's a lot of money for me. But I feel like I really need it. My body is tired and suffering, and massages make me feel better. I'm also stressed out and I get a lot of headaches. The massages help with that too. The dramatic improvement I feel during and after getting a massage makes it difficult for me to NOT go regularly. I go in feeling so tired, tense, and hurting, and afterward I almost feel like a normal, healthy person again.
I also stopped taking birth control for the first time in almost 6 years. It's been a week and a half now. My body is adjusting and it's hard for my body to adjust to anything these days. My headaches have been worse, and I'm guessing they're hormone-induced from being off birth control. Once I can finally adjust though I think it will be better for me. This was doctor-recommended because the hormones aren't good for my system combined with all the other medications I'm taking. It is recommended that I never take hormonal birth control again... so I'm not going to.
I haven't been to the gym in over a week because of these headaches and being too tired. Sean is going tonight and I want to go with him because I actually don't have as bad of a headache right now... but I'm extremely exhausted, as usual. I've had a long day though. Not to mention, it's extremely hard to be motivated to work out when your doctor tells you that it doesn't matter how much exercise you get, you're still going to gain weight from the steroids. Motivation is pretty much shot to hell.
I've been taking ambien every night lately because I'm afraid that if I don't I won't sleep at all. Or that I'll fall asleep for a few hours and then wake up and by then it'll be too late for me to take one because it'll make me too tired when I have to wake up in the morning.
I've noticed that with all that's been going on for me lately I keep wanting to give in to this depressed state that's been hanging over my head. It's extremely easy to lose hope and only focus on the negative. I have many days where I feel pessimistic and lonely as hell and I could easily drive myself crazy. I try to not fall into that pit even though I fail probably half the time. But the other half of the time I still see the positive and focus on things that make me happy. I've been putting a lot of effort into my studies because it makes me feel super accomplished. And I'm pretty damn good at it, which helps as well.