Conclusion
From now on, this will be a friend's only journal. I really hate having to do this because I don't like hiding who I am but shit happens. Besides, it was crazy of me to think shit wouldn't eventually hit the fan. Silly me
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If this is Kyle (and I think it is), the only reason I'm dwelling on this (and not to get into detail because I refuse to share any further information about my mental health situation), something very serious happened. The truth is, when I found out you read my journal, I didn't care. It wasn't until later that everything that had happened in the last three days (and a lot had happened) came crashing down.
From there, a lot of the feelings I had kept private and hidden rose out. Feelings like, "maybe my friends think I'm bluffing when I say I'm depressed," or, "maybe my friends use my journal as a source of entertainment." Put yourself in my position for a minute. If you found out someone you trusted and had written about had been reading your journal for an extended amount of time without telling you, would you have been a little upset and maybe a little paranoid wondering, "Gee, maybe he didn't tell me because instead of reading it because he was interested, he was reading it for laughs and so he could feel as if he was one step ahead of me." That's how I felt. And yes I know you said that was not what you were doing but how do you expect me to believe you when I feel as though you have been lying to me this for a long time?
And then to have the nerve on the phone to bring up things about how I was mad at you. I had fucking good reason to be mad at you. You were down right cruel to me at times. I loved you and yet, I look back and still I feel taken advantage. You can go back and read any entry and find I had a perfectly good reason for feeling the way I did and if you even bothered to really read, you could see I even pointed out my faults so don't make this seem like I hated you because I never did.
But I wanted to be your friend again. PEOPLE said you had changed and you did. I still believe you are a different person than who you were then but I still don't understand why you couldn't have told me about the whole journal thing.
And whoever said I was looking for pity, fuck you. If I was looking for pity, I would be going more into depth about what all has gone on in the last three days. Fucking shit you couldn't imagine so don't you dare say I'm looking for pity. Besides, it's not like I ever got any pity from friends like you. Most of the time, my so called friends would just freeze up or just ignore me. Isn't that nice? Good thing I never did anything like that.
I'm done.
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