A month of internal dispute.
The passed month, as many of you might have noticed, I have been quite a bit more internal and relatively less tolerant when it came to people in general. My logic and reasoning are finally in proportion w/ my sentimental values, and they weren’t before. I have let a lot of friendships die and I have been very apathetic about many aspects of my life. To be quite honest, there are a lot of people that I don’t find to be good people.
There has always been this critical aspect about me, but I also find myself to be very (almost too much of a) conscientious person. I care about hurting people’s feelings. I care about what they think of me. This fairly high percentage of diffidence and timidity has slowly been plummeting in my personality, which in turn uncovers my criticism. I don’t find this to be a bad thing.
I apologize to those of you that have noticed who I truly am and haven’t liked it. I have always realized how imperfect the world is and have always been critical of those that I did not respect. The only difference is that now I am choosing to not associate myself w/ you, because what is the sense in that? I am going to be someone that I like, even if the consequences are losing a friend in the struggle, or even spending more time alone. Being by myself doesn’t depress me, nor has it ever. Yes, the passed month has been an extremely difficult time for me (in many ways that you all haven’t the slightest inclination about) and I thank everyone who has cared about me enough to be decent to me.
Tonight has just confirmed my suspicions all along about different people. I am not going to vehemently vent, point fingers and accuse, or breakdown in curse words, because it’s not in my nature to do that. If you knew anything about me, like you so boldly say, than you would know that. I’m not sure why I want you to know this, but I am not hurt by your decision (if “you” even read this). I love how you stake these outrageous claims about caring about me, and then as soon as a trying time in my life comes around and I treat you a little less than extraordinary, you get annoyed and call it quits. That is what is most respectable about you. I’m not as bad of a person as you seem to think really.
I have enjoyed this awkward month of seclusion and may continue for awhile, until I feel I have gained from it all that I can. I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. Until then, I bid you all a good evening...I know I will have one.
<3-Allison
There has always been this critical aspect about me, but I also find myself to be very (almost too much of a) conscientious person. I care about hurting people’s feelings. I care about what they think of me. This fairly high percentage of diffidence and timidity has slowly been plummeting in my personality, which in turn uncovers my criticism. I don’t find this to be a bad thing.
I apologize to those of you that have noticed who I truly am and haven’t liked it. I have always realized how imperfect the world is and have always been critical of those that I did not respect. The only difference is that now I am choosing to not associate myself w/ you, because what is the sense in that? I am going to be someone that I like, even if the consequences are losing a friend in the struggle, or even spending more time alone. Being by myself doesn’t depress me, nor has it ever. Yes, the passed month has been an extremely difficult time for me (in many ways that you all haven’t the slightest inclination about) and I thank everyone who has cared about me enough to be decent to me.
Tonight has just confirmed my suspicions all along about different people. I am not going to vehemently vent, point fingers and accuse, or breakdown in curse words, because it’s not in my nature to do that. If you knew anything about me, like you so boldly say, than you would know that. I’m not sure why I want you to know this, but I am not hurt by your decision (if “you” even read this). I love how you stake these outrageous claims about caring about me, and then as soon as a trying time in my life comes around and I treat you a little less than extraordinary, you get annoyed and call it quits. That is what is most respectable about you. I’m not as bad of a person as you seem to think really.
I have enjoyed this awkward month of seclusion and may continue for awhile, until I feel I have gained from it all that I can. I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. Until then, I bid you all a good evening...I know I will have one.
<3-Allison