uh, yeah

[xraginghardonx]

i havent updated this thing in almost a month and of course a lot has happened in a month. im goin to summer school for the whole month of july, i went to sounds of the underground, which was fuckin awsome by the way, steve broke up with me, which was a total surprise...i thought everything was great between us, but i guess i thought wrong once again. oh well, Steve and I are still VERY good friends and we plan on staying that way for a while. we still call each other often, hang out and everything. its like we never went out at all, only things a just a lil different. we know each other VERY well. and well, if i were to have an asthma attack, he would kno wht to do. he knows how to comfert me when im sad, and he still strongly cares about me. and i still care about him too, i always will. no matter what happens. i know, that to my heart, no one will ever be able to take his place in my heart. he was one very true love of mine. but now im ready to move on with my life. hopefully find someone that will care for me, respect me, and someone willing to get to kno me b4 they judge me. life is full of surprises, good and bad. depending how u deal with them is how the outcome will appear to you. jess told me that i should write things like this down. that its true that i do have a lot bottled up inside of me. but i dont keep written diarys cause ppl will read them. and i will NOT write things very personal towards me in these stupid online shits. but jess did tell me to put some of my thoughts down like everynite, that way, evenually my mind will be clear of things evil in me. i kno i hide it all the time, but the truth be told, i am a very depressed person. i was reading my poems to a very close friend of mine tonite, and after every single poem that i had read, he always said that they were very sad poems. that i sounded sad when i wrote it. he was right, when i wrote those poems, i was very sad. but still to this day, i still am that deoressed girl. since i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago, i think ive pretty much learned to hide myself from the world. oh well, i have to go to sleep, im tired as fuck and i still have school in the morning.

Good Nite All!!!

<3 Courtney