(no subject)
I don't even know who I am, anymore.
I think I need to see a therapist. I don't know how to deal with growing up, or my friends, or money. School is great, I am doing well...i guess? I'm scared. no, petrified of next year. I have passion, they say it's a "calling" and yet every night I go to sleep feeling so incredibly empty.
I can't even write anymore. no muse. no motivation, nothing.
My apartment is messy. I did the dishes. My roomate has the comfort of knowing five different guys would be at her beckon call any minute of anyday. she sleeps peacefully. I cannot settle. I have options, they stay on the shelf. I will not settle.
You say you would kill to be in my shoes...would you? Is los angeles really that big of a dream? because the plane ride seemed so long. The streets seemed too busy. The video shoot seemed so pointless, the people looked so beautiful and yet it all seemed so ugly to me.
Not even Atlanta feels like home. I go outside to see the skyline, it usually calms me. It scares me now. Because I know behind those bright lights and floor-to-ceiling windows are people that have careers and they're waiting for people like us to make them look pretty.
This is my life. I've chosen to exceed my goals. I'd rather be sixteen again. Young and naiive.
Oh, dear god.
I think I need to see a therapist. I don't know how to deal with growing up, or my friends, or money. School is great, I am doing well...i guess? I'm scared. no, petrified of next year. I have passion, they say it's a "calling" and yet every night I go to sleep feeling so incredibly empty.
I can't even write anymore. no muse. no motivation, nothing.
My apartment is messy. I did the dishes. My roomate has the comfort of knowing five different guys would be at her beckon call any minute of anyday. she sleeps peacefully. I cannot settle. I have options, they stay on the shelf. I will not settle.
You say you would kill to be in my shoes...would you? Is los angeles really that big of a dream? because the plane ride seemed so long. The streets seemed too busy. The video shoot seemed so pointless, the people looked so beautiful and yet it all seemed so ugly to me.
Not even Atlanta feels like home. I go outside to see the skyline, it usually calms me. It scares me now. Because I know behind those bright lights and floor-to-ceiling windows are people that have careers and they're waiting for people like us to make them look pretty.
This is my life. I've chosen to exceed my goals. I'd rather be sixteen again. Young and naiive.
Oh, dear god.