jumbled
i have so much on my mind, its overwhelming.
its 12;30 at night and i couldnt keep my eyes open an hour ago, yet ive been laying bed for a half hour and my eyes wont stay closed and my mind is racing.
im so upset about so many things, so overwhelmed by so many others. and then im so annoyed with myself for being in this annoyed, upset funk, because i know that nothing is really that shitty, that in the scheme of things, everything is perfectly fine. its just.. frustrating.
so heres my list of all the things pissing me off. because.. well. i can.
co-op i applied to 14 places. two of the positions have been cancelled, and i interviewed with three other places, the boston globe, the patriot ledger and boston.com. the boston globe was supposed to let me know about a second interview by the beginning of the month. nothing. emailed the lady this afternoon, she gently told me that i wasnt chosen, but that she forwarded my resume to another section of the globe. wonderful. boston.com said id hear in the next few days a week & a half ago, went online today and saw that according to the website, the position has been filled. still waiting to hear from the patriot ledger, but honestly, i dont want the news job at all, and the chance of getting the features job is pretty damn slim. that leaves a shit ton of unpaid internships that i have yet to fucking hear from. its april 8th. a month from right now, i will be flying to china. three weeks from right now, i will be back in los angeles. i emailed 4 of the companies that im interested in, one of the ones im least interested in emailed be back five minutes later saying shed be in touch in the next few days with more information, and another sent out a mass email to me and 10 other students saying we should all send cover letters and clips to him and hed interview us soon. the other two or three i have yet to hear from. the frustrating thing, is that i went into all the interviews i had so confident and so sure that i was qualified for the job. i know that im not involved in a shit ton of stuff on campus, i probably dont look as great compared to a lot of the people im competing with. but i didnt think that id have nothing more than a month into the process. its just so frustrating, i dont even know what to do or say or think. my advisor is pretty useless, all she says is you have plenty of time, keep checking in. like, wtf does that even mean?! fuck this, i should have registered for fall classes. im totally screwed.
history of journ i absolutely despise my professor. hes an arrogant, self centered bastard who will find every excuse not to give you an A. and our take home final is the biggest fucking pain in my ass, the questions are far from easy and its thirty percent of our grade. my test average is an 86 and i got a B+ on the paper, each of which is 30 percent of my grade, and i have one more test on monday worth 10 percent. minus the first test, ive totally fucked up the other two no matter how hard i studied, and even though i brought him my paper twice, he still found a reason to give me a B instead of an A. i have worked so hard in his class, and i know im going to end up with a goddamn B. it makes me so angry, i could scream.
chinese civ mostly im mad at myself, because this was an easy A course that i totally fucked myself over in. we had a presentation, paper, midterm, three quizzes and a take home final, and i got a B+ on the paper, a B on the midterm [because it was the same day as one of my journ tests which i decided to study for instead because it was more important but got a fucking C on it anyways] and a 22, 25 and what im almost positive was a 0 out of 25 on the three quizzes. i think i probably got a B+ or A on the presentation, which leaves me with a very solid B in the course. fine, yes, but the take home final is also a bitch, and i havent done half the reading for one of the questions, and i just feel totally fucked in what i thought would be such an easy course. ugh.
chinese i work my ass off in this course, and although my quiz average is easily a 95, i got a 75 on the midterm, and i know that i wont do well on the final, as im a horrible test taker and always manage to fuck up significantly. which means that i will have a B in the class. ughhh.
i know, i know, B's arent bad. i should be happy with my Bs. but im not a B student. im a B+, A- student, and i feel like i worked way too hard this semester to be only getting Bs. its stupid, i know, but i just am so frustrated, with myself, with my professors, with everything. it just.. sucks.
friends dont get me wrong, i have a lot of friends here who i absolutely love. but without naming names, there are some of the people in my 'group' of girls who i absolutely despise. college is supposed to be the place where you meet people youre friends with for the rest of your life, and i dont feel like i have that bond with more than three or four people here. and even if i do have it, i dont feel like those are the people that ill keep in touch with for years to come. and that sucks, i feel like i really got jipped in the whole friend making process, the girls on my floor and my roommate first semester freshman year totally blew, and that really hindered me. i was a part of a great group of girls freshman year, mostly second semester, but the dynamic really changed when we all decided to live together. its frustrating, sometimes i just dont feel like i really belong, and especially with one of my closer friends here, lately i just feel like shes too busy for me with her boyfriend and her roommate, she doesnt have time for me, besides for a few texts throughout the day, and none of them seem very genuine.
studying abroad my dream is to go abroad, and i discovered this amazing program called semester at sea that i would absolutely kill to go on, but northeastern forbids students from getting any credit hours from the program, and i know that my parnets would never ever let me participate if i was paying full price and not getting a single credit. i was supposed to go in the spring of 09, which is less than a year away, but i havent been on top of my shit and now i basically am just.. not going, unless i go junior year instead, which is possible, i just dont know how realistic with my coop schedule. ugh.
packing the semester is over in 6 school days, and i need to be packed for jen's house by at least the 23rd or 24th. i have so much shit, thinking about it makes me want to cry, and i have absolutely NO idea how its all going to fit in a few small boxes [which i dont have, because my cousin told me i should get plastic tubs that i dont have and have no idea where to get and when to get them] to shove into my cousins basement an hour north of boston. my boyfriend offered to let me take some stuff and put it at his house, but i know he has very little room, and i feel bad because i have just.. soooo much crap. i feel like i should probably just throw a lot of it out, but alkdsjfakljsdfakljfdskljfsd. i dont even know.
the craploads of big assignments i have due in the next two weeks i have a chinese quiz and homework due on thursday, i have my chinese final, my chinese civ take home final and my arab israeli final assessment due on friday the 18th. ive written my arab israeli paper it just needs to be edited, but i still have 50 pages in one novel and an entire other novel to read to write half my chinese civ paper, and then a shitload of research to write the other half of the paper. my chinese final is going to be so hard to study for, all the new characters weve been learning have been going into my short term memory, i honestly feel like i know nothing these days. and then my journ paper due on the 22nd is just.. completely overwhelming. i have no idea where to even start writing that paper.
the result of all these ramblings is just making me feel like im a huge slacker who isnt on top of my shit, who totally fails at life, which i guess is mostly true. idk whats with my lately, i just.. suck apparently.
i miss real sunshine and warmth, im craving california so badly, except i know that as soon as i get home im just going to get hit with that flood of horrible high school memories that are no longer a reality in my life, and its just not ever fun. especially because nobody is home when ill be home in the next two months, and that means that home is just my bed and my comfort foods. which is nice, but those two only last for so long.
i dont know why im so whiny these days. i have an amazing boyfriend who loves me more than anything, and i really do have some incredible friendships here. i guess the whole not getting a job thing is really getting to me more than i realized it would.. its so depressing thinking that a process i thought would be no problem whatsoever is so frustrating and disappointing.
so now its one am, my boyfriend is still at the library studying for his test tomorrow, and my roommate is still in the living room doing work and being productive. with that, i think im going to try to pass out again. gnight <3
its 12;30 at night and i couldnt keep my eyes open an hour ago, yet ive been laying bed for a half hour and my eyes wont stay closed and my mind is racing.
im so upset about so many things, so overwhelmed by so many others. and then im so annoyed with myself for being in this annoyed, upset funk, because i know that nothing is really that shitty, that in the scheme of things, everything is perfectly fine. its just.. frustrating.
so heres my list of all the things pissing me off. because.. well. i can.
co-op i applied to 14 places. two of the positions have been cancelled, and i interviewed with three other places, the boston globe, the patriot ledger and boston.com. the boston globe was supposed to let me know about a second interview by the beginning of the month. nothing. emailed the lady this afternoon, she gently told me that i wasnt chosen, but that she forwarded my resume to another section of the globe. wonderful. boston.com said id hear in the next few days a week & a half ago, went online today and saw that according to the website, the position has been filled. still waiting to hear from the patriot ledger, but honestly, i dont want the news job at all, and the chance of getting the features job is pretty damn slim. that leaves a shit ton of unpaid internships that i have yet to fucking hear from. its april 8th. a month from right now, i will be flying to china. three weeks from right now, i will be back in los angeles. i emailed 4 of the companies that im interested in, one of the ones im least interested in emailed be back five minutes later saying shed be in touch in the next few days with more information, and another sent out a mass email to me and 10 other students saying we should all send cover letters and clips to him and hed interview us soon. the other two or three i have yet to hear from. the frustrating thing, is that i went into all the interviews i had so confident and so sure that i was qualified for the job. i know that im not involved in a shit ton of stuff on campus, i probably dont look as great compared to a lot of the people im competing with. but i didnt think that id have nothing more than a month into the process. its just so frustrating, i dont even know what to do or say or think. my advisor is pretty useless, all she says is you have plenty of time, keep checking in. like, wtf does that even mean?! fuck this, i should have registered for fall classes. im totally screwed.
history of journ i absolutely despise my professor. hes an arrogant, self centered bastard who will find every excuse not to give you an A. and our take home final is the biggest fucking pain in my ass, the questions are far from easy and its thirty percent of our grade. my test average is an 86 and i got a B+ on the paper, each of which is 30 percent of my grade, and i have one more test on monday worth 10 percent. minus the first test, ive totally fucked up the other two no matter how hard i studied, and even though i brought him my paper twice, he still found a reason to give me a B instead of an A. i have worked so hard in his class, and i know im going to end up with a goddamn B. it makes me so angry, i could scream.
chinese civ mostly im mad at myself, because this was an easy A course that i totally fucked myself over in. we had a presentation, paper, midterm, three quizzes and a take home final, and i got a B+ on the paper, a B on the midterm [because it was the same day as one of my journ tests which i decided to study for instead because it was more important but got a fucking C on it anyways] and a 22, 25 and what im almost positive was a 0 out of 25 on the three quizzes. i think i probably got a B+ or A on the presentation, which leaves me with a very solid B in the course. fine, yes, but the take home final is also a bitch, and i havent done half the reading for one of the questions, and i just feel totally fucked in what i thought would be such an easy course. ugh.
chinese i work my ass off in this course, and although my quiz average is easily a 95, i got a 75 on the midterm, and i know that i wont do well on the final, as im a horrible test taker and always manage to fuck up significantly. which means that i will have a B in the class. ughhh.
i know, i know, B's arent bad. i should be happy with my Bs. but im not a B student. im a B+, A- student, and i feel like i worked way too hard this semester to be only getting Bs. its stupid, i know, but i just am so frustrated, with myself, with my professors, with everything. it just.. sucks.
friends dont get me wrong, i have a lot of friends here who i absolutely love. but without naming names, there are some of the people in my 'group' of girls who i absolutely despise. college is supposed to be the place where you meet people youre friends with for the rest of your life, and i dont feel like i have that bond with more than three or four people here. and even if i do have it, i dont feel like those are the people that ill keep in touch with for years to come. and that sucks, i feel like i really got jipped in the whole friend making process, the girls on my floor and my roommate first semester freshman year totally blew, and that really hindered me. i was a part of a great group of girls freshman year, mostly second semester, but the dynamic really changed when we all decided to live together. its frustrating, sometimes i just dont feel like i really belong, and especially with one of my closer friends here, lately i just feel like shes too busy for me with her boyfriend and her roommate, she doesnt have time for me, besides for a few texts throughout the day, and none of them seem very genuine.
studying abroad my dream is to go abroad, and i discovered this amazing program called semester at sea that i would absolutely kill to go on, but northeastern forbids students from getting any credit hours from the program, and i know that my parnets would never ever let me participate if i was paying full price and not getting a single credit. i was supposed to go in the spring of 09, which is less than a year away, but i havent been on top of my shit and now i basically am just.. not going, unless i go junior year instead, which is possible, i just dont know how realistic with my coop schedule. ugh.
packing the semester is over in 6 school days, and i need to be packed for jen's house by at least the 23rd or 24th. i have so much shit, thinking about it makes me want to cry, and i have absolutely NO idea how its all going to fit in a few small boxes [which i dont have, because my cousin told me i should get plastic tubs that i dont have and have no idea where to get and when to get them] to shove into my cousins basement an hour north of boston. my boyfriend offered to let me take some stuff and put it at his house, but i know he has very little room, and i feel bad because i have just.. soooo much crap. i feel like i should probably just throw a lot of it out, but alkdsjfakljsdfakljfdskljfsd. i dont even know.
the craploads of big assignments i have due in the next two weeks i have a chinese quiz and homework due on thursday, i have my chinese final, my chinese civ take home final and my arab israeli final assessment due on friday the 18th. ive written my arab israeli paper it just needs to be edited, but i still have 50 pages in one novel and an entire other novel to read to write half my chinese civ paper, and then a shitload of research to write the other half of the paper. my chinese final is going to be so hard to study for, all the new characters weve been learning have been going into my short term memory, i honestly feel like i know nothing these days. and then my journ paper due on the 22nd is just.. completely overwhelming. i have no idea where to even start writing that paper.
the result of all these ramblings is just making me feel like im a huge slacker who isnt on top of my shit, who totally fails at life, which i guess is mostly true. idk whats with my lately, i just.. suck apparently.
i miss real sunshine and warmth, im craving california so badly, except i know that as soon as i get home im just going to get hit with that flood of horrible high school memories that are no longer a reality in my life, and its just not ever fun. especially because nobody is home when ill be home in the next two months, and that means that home is just my bed and my comfort foods. which is nice, but those two only last for so long.
i dont know why im so whiny these days. i have an amazing boyfriend who loves me more than anything, and i really do have some incredible friendships here. i guess the whole not getting a job thing is really getting to me more than i realized it would.. its so depressing thinking that a process i thought would be no problem whatsoever is so frustrating and disappointing.
so now its one am, my boyfriend is still at the library studying for his test tomorrow, and my roommate is still in the living room doing work and being productive. with that, i think im going to try to pass out again. gnight <3