Reflection
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see,
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Whenever we fought, he used to tell me, "Nat, I wish you could be in my shoes, feel what it's like to be on the other end of you." I know now what he meant. Fittingly enough, I actually met someone who is just as negative as I am. As a result, I finally know what it's like to be on the other end of someone who holds grudges, who punishes, who doesn't forgive. Someone who's blind to my intentions and deaf to my apologies. In short, someone who is a reflection of me.
He also used to tell me that I made him feel bad about himself, how he tried so hard to reassure me and love me the way I wanted, only to have me rage over something insignificant. And, yes, now I can relate. I feel beat up and thoroughly demoralized. I have experienced being under the microscope and, let me tell you, being so closely scrutinized is truly suffocating. I even believe this person gets some twisted pleasure over having this power, this hold over me. God, I hope I wasn't the same way. Because of this experience, I have to learn to be more forgiving, more positive. I would never want anyone to feel like this. Ironically, I don't think I could've learned this lesson any other way.
It is already difficult for me to forgive myself when I think I've wronged someone. I am my own worst enemy when that happens. So it seems practically impossible to forgive myself without his forgiveness. I have bent over backwards to prove myself worthy, walked on eggshells to show that my behavior was out of character. All to no avail. My friends tell me I haven't done anything that's unforgivable, that I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone, that I shouldn't waste any more time and energy. But it's just so hard. I've never had such a problem winning someone over. Until now, that is. Somehow, some way, I have to learn how to forgive myself and accept that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. What do they say? You can't please everyone and if you try, you're bound to fail. Chalk this one up as the first of many to come.
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Linkin Park - P5hng Me A*wy (Live in Texas)
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Whenever we fought, he used to tell me, "Nat, I wish you could be in my shoes, feel what it's like to be on the other end of you." I know now what he meant. Fittingly enough, I actually met someone who is just as negative as I am. As a result, I finally know what it's like to be on the other end of someone who holds grudges, who punishes, who doesn't forgive. Someone who's blind to my intentions and deaf to my apologies. In short, someone who is a reflection of me.
He also used to tell me that I made him feel bad about himself, how he tried so hard to reassure me and love me the way I wanted, only to have me rage over something insignificant. And, yes, now I can relate. I feel beat up and thoroughly demoralized. I have experienced being under the microscope and, let me tell you, being so closely scrutinized is truly suffocating. I even believe this person gets some twisted pleasure over having this power, this hold over me. God, I hope I wasn't the same way. Because of this experience, I have to learn to be more forgiving, more positive. I would never want anyone to feel like this. Ironically, I don't think I could've learned this lesson any other way.
It is already difficult for me to forgive myself when I think I've wronged someone. I am my own worst enemy when that happens. So it seems practically impossible to forgive myself without his forgiveness. I have bent over backwards to prove myself worthy, walked on eggshells to show that my behavior was out of character. All to no avail. My friends tell me I haven't done anything that's unforgivable, that I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone, that I shouldn't waste any more time and energy. But it's just so hard. I've never had such a problem winning someone over. Until now, that is. Somehow, some way, I have to learn how to forgive myself and accept that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. What do they say? You can't please everyone and if you try, you're bound to fail. Chalk this one up as the first of many to come.
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me
Linkin Park - P5hng Me A*wy (Live in Texas)