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Well the past couple of days have been interesting. I found out some things about myself that are kinda scary...I have learned that I have all this rage bottled up inside and it is b/c I don't know how to let what happened to me go! I just want to be like myself again and not what someone made me into when they hurt me! I feel like I am just this ticking bomb waiting to be tripped and set off...it is definantly not a good feeling! I finally started to talk about it but that still doesn't seem to help. I don't know why, I mean everyone is always saying how talking about what your feelings will help but that is a crock of shit!! I still feel angry, scared, hurt, enraged, it's like I can almost never be fully happy b/c I am not fully whole. That probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense but that is the best way I know how to put it. Also anytime I do almost fully become happy again something happens to make it all come crashing down and then I flash back to the past and what happened...and that is what anger's me most of all!! I know ppl think I'm crazy and they're right I am crazy or I feel crazy that is...it just hurts to know that ppl think I'm a psycho bitch when they have absolutely no idea what is going on in my life! I mean I really don't want to make it public or anything, b/c it isn't something that anyone wants to share...but if you are one of those ppl who will call other ppl names when you really don't know them next time stop and think..."do i know anything about that person" or "maybe they are going through something tough that is making them act like that?" You can't assume things about ppl...everyone's lives are different and everyone goes through different trials and tribulations which will make us or break us! it is part of the great thing we call life. All i have to say is that I will not let my bad experience set me back!!!!!! I will eventually get over it!! but it will take some time and it will also take the ppl who care about me to help me through it! I love my friends they are the greatest...I can always count on them when I need them. I may not have a whole lot of close ones but the ones that I do have make my life so much easier. Linda is my light at the end of the tunnel which you can always count on to be there. Derek is my rock that sometimes gets extremely aggravated at me but will always be there for me to lean on when I need it. Cristina and Jamie are the ones I can always count on to make me laugh hysterically through the tears! You guys are the greatest and I don't know what I would have done the other night without three of you...derek took a lil break from his rock job the other night! anyways, I am over spilling my guts for one day! Hopefully next time won't be so depressing!