What I can and can't believe is right in front of me.
I know I don't make posts everyday and they arn't so close together but than again I don't sneak out everynight
Yeah I snuck out and at the time I didn't like but now that I think back to it. I had fun.
It was around this time last night that Zach called and him and Creighton picked me up. Baliey was gonna come but she fell asleep. We went over to Zachs house for about half an hour at most.
I ended up giving Zach head again. I now understand why I hate doing it so much.
For one, I don't find him attractive. Another thing is, I don't really think he even cares what happens to me. I'm just somebody to suck his dick and thats true. After I gave him head he didn't talk to me the rest of the night. Its sad, mostly on my behalf though. I mean look at me I have such low self esteem that I would do just about anything, I'm sorry to. If anybody ever gets the chance to read this shit. I want my friends to know I'm sorry for being who I am. I can't help it. If I could say no than I would. I swear to god if I could say no to Zach I would but I can't and you know why its okay? Because I have no self esteem and its sad but it fits. Why would a kid who thought anything of them self allow that kind of treatment to them self. If a girl can't respect herself enough to say no than she is slut, a hoe and should die...alright maybe not die but. I am somewhat of a hoe. Cause I can't say no. Its not that I don't want to not say no but I can't so I am. I am what I am even if I hate it.
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after we got back I seen Kyler, Taco, and Jessie who I found wants me and has for 4 months now. Why can't people just tell me stuff like this. It would make my life so much easy-er .
Zach, Creighton, Josh, and bill all got into Bill's truck thing and left, after we started driving for a while Seth called and we picked him up. So it was Creighton in the back...and I mean the very back, like on t he floor with all the stuff. Than it was Josh in shot gun, Bill driving, Zach, Seth and than me. Than once everybody was in we headed off again. To this place around the Zone I know we didn't go very fare in...if I'm thinking right it was the paint ball place. We did this fucking running around thing were we just ran to some place, I keept falling down. Lucky Bill stayed with me. I'm glad to. If it wasn't for him I know I would have gotten lost or hurt or some thing just as gay. I know I shouldn't have even gone. I feel bad cause I feel like he had to baby sit me. Zach said he would look out for me. What fine fucking job he did of that. Bill really is a sweet heart. At lest I think so.
Anyway after that stupid shit. we left again.
We went and picked up this girl. never did get her name but she sat on Seths lap. So it was seven people in the thing when its really only suppose to have 5.
So than we went to this place...seth said it was the old slaughter house thing...like were sheep had been ripped up and killed. Than this bridge was there. He told me that it had been take down because people kept driving off it. Strange. It was a pretty freaky place. Bill made sure I didn't die so its all good. I really wanted Bay to go though. It would have been more fun that way.
After that place...which was really the only place I got really scared.
we went looking to see if we could see little boy blue. Story has it that he died thinking his dog was drowning. He jumped in to save him and got tangled up in this thing and died. They said he comes with a dog...it was this blue light you look for. I didn't see it but some say they got a glimpse of him. I didn't really wanna see anything. I had an idea of were we where though. I had been down that rode before. Now its just gonna be scary if I do end up going back down it. I don't think I will though not cause of that just cuz.. The whole time I was just waiting for my mom to call, "Brooklyn...were are you" in than that mad scary tone she has. I know I've done something really wrong when she uses it. Its firm and fast. Like...I can't really explain it but I can just tell she isn't fuckin around when she uses it.
She never called. I got away with it. Bill took me home and it was all good. I ended up not going to school though. To tired.