bad bad things
The worst thing that could happen, has happened.
I have done something wrong, and now im gone. Liz told me earlier that i would be able to stay until i find a new position or until the end of the year. i was so excited, i wouldnt have to be rushed out the door, she put all my fears to rest. except now shes changed her mind. All i can think is I must have done something wrong. I cant figure out what ive done, except maybe not working "hard enough". But its hard to stare at a screen full of letters and not lose your mind. so once in a while I browse the internet. I would assume that would be ok,. but maybe not. I stare at that screen so long, i Forget the alphabet. it has happened.
So i have to be out by friday. no ones throwing me a party, god damn it. i just LOVE being the abused red headed step-child of this department. i do EVERYTHING they have ever asked me to do, and im getting shit canned for it. UGH. i knew this day would come, but its been so ugly. ive become very jaded. i thought this was the best department on the guthrie campus and i was so happy to work here, but i think now that alot of it is for show, only a few people really have any work to do, and my boss is a closeted witch. she seems so nice, but then things change. oh well. we hope for better next time.
on another note, one not related to work-- jamie never called me back. but im holding out for the weekend. i really want to ask him to go to the hockey game with me, but i dont want to seem too pushy. i might anyway just because.so if i dont here from him by wed then im going to call. even though i said i wouldnt. the boy never makes plans, so if i dont ask early it will be too late. ill tell him to bring ben. he might like that idea.
i am so bad with guys. i dont know whats wrong with what im doing. i am great at flirting and getting my foot in there, because i am not afraid. But once that initial step is over i back away, because i feel like its there turn to make a move, you know- again i dont want to be too pushy. and thats usually where it ends. just like with jamie. he is the rare exception where i called him back. and depending on the outcome, it probably wont happen again. no one likes rejection, but i wish they would just tell me and get it over with. thats the problem with men, they see no problem with never calling you again. like thats acceptable. no thanks. i need answers.
and i really like jamie too. i think. the problem is that we havent spent much time together, but what i can tell is that we are very much alike, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. not really sure yet. Again, we havent spent much alone time together.and who knows if we will. it might be one of those things that just blows away with the wind.
so heres the new plan, and im going to need verification on this. give me your yes's and your no's, but heres it is:
i am going to write him a message on myspace. explaining how i think i like him but i cant really tell and thats his fault. tell him that, from what i can tell we seem alot alike and would get along well. i understand that you are busy, but i would like to hang out and see what happens. im not expecting anything and not trying to make a relationship by any means. i would just really like someone to have fun with.
then invite him to the hockey game.
what do we think?
I have done something wrong, and now im gone. Liz told me earlier that i would be able to stay until i find a new position or until the end of the year. i was so excited, i wouldnt have to be rushed out the door, she put all my fears to rest. except now shes changed her mind. All i can think is I must have done something wrong. I cant figure out what ive done, except maybe not working "hard enough". But its hard to stare at a screen full of letters and not lose your mind. so once in a while I browse the internet. I would assume that would be ok,. but maybe not. I stare at that screen so long, i Forget the alphabet. it has happened.
So i have to be out by friday. no ones throwing me a party, god damn it. i just LOVE being the abused red headed step-child of this department. i do EVERYTHING they have ever asked me to do, and im getting shit canned for it. UGH. i knew this day would come, but its been so ugly. ive become very jaded. i thought this was the best department on the guthrie campus and i was so happy to work here, but i think now that alot of it is for show, only a few people really have any work to do, and my boss is a closeted witch. she seems so nice, but then things change. oh well. we hope for better next time.
on another note, one not related to work-- jamie never called me back. but im holding out for the weekend. i really want to ask him to go to the hockey game with me, but i dont want to seem too pushy. i might anyway just because.so if i dont here from him by wed then im going to call. even though i said i wouldnt. the boy never makes plans, so if i dont ask early it will be too late. ill tell him to bring ben. he might like that idea.
i am so bad with guys. i dont know whats wrong with what im doing. i am great at flirting and getting my foot in there, because i am not afraid. But once that initial step is over i back away, because i feel like its there turn to make a move, you know- again i dont want to be too pushy. and thats usually where it ends. just like with jamie. he is the rare exception where i called him back. and depending on the outcome, it probably wont happen again. no one likes rejection, but i wish they would just tell me and get it over with. thats the problem with men, they see no problem with never calling you again. like thats acceptable. no thanks. i need answers.
and i really like jamie too. i think. the problem is that we havent spent much time together, but what i can tell is that we are very much alike, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. not really sure yet. Again, we havent spent much alone time together.and who knows if we will. it might be one of those things that just blows away with the wind.
so heres the new plan, and im going to need verification on this. give me your yes's and your no's, but heres it is:
i am going to write him a message on myspace. explaining how i think i like him but i cant really tell and thats his fault. tell him that, from what i can tell we seem alot alike and would get along well. i understand that you are busy, but i would like to hang out and see what happens. im not expecting anything and not trying to make a relationship by any means. i would just really like someone to have fun with.
then invite him to the hockey game.
what do we think?