guilt? nah
I hit Chris(crispy). I finally had enough of him treating me like crap for no damn reason and hit him. Hard. In the face. With a fist. Even though he could probably kick my ass, I was so fed up, hitting him was worth getting my ass kicked for. It felt good.I walked out Ana's door (didn't want to fight him in her house) after i hit him, and i think he thought I was running away. He yelled "come here, bitch" at me. I was ready to kill him. Instead i went to go get my crap out of Amanda's car (what i was on my way to do when he started to be a prick). When i came back toward the house she was happy i'd hit him.A great friend to him she is. What he said now that I think about it, wouldn't normally have been that bad. We were laying on the floor (me tyrel, amanda, and chris) and i went to poke him after he said something and he like jumped up and practically ran to the other side of the room. when I was like "what the fuck?" the reply was, "we're not that close"..Thoughts in my head: WHAT THE FUCK? WE'RE CLOSE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO ME, WE'RE CLOSE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BE DAMN NEAR IN TEARS WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE FOR HOW MUCH YOU'VE HURT ME, YOU WERE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FUCK ME YOU ASSHOLE BUT WE AREN'T CLOSE ENOUGH TO JOKE AROUND???WHAT THE HELL??? Hence the decision for me to go get my stuff..so i wouldnt beat him...i'd already had a shit day (day recap: parents cant seem to pay for any of the stuff for me for school, but they bought my mom the most expensive ipod there is, had to listen to my science teacher go on one of his daily bible praisings, got told by my counselor i couldnt get out of the jesus freaks class until he gave me the credit of science i need from him, above mentioned ipod's newer software was being a dick and wouldnt recognize my ipod anymore,knee hurt, headache, still sick because antibiotics didnt kill the stupid bronchitis, argument with english teacher) and was on edge. i already wanted to kill every living thing. then, as I'm on my way walking out the door, he says "good bye,Carrie" but not in a nice "hey see you tomorrow hope you have a better day" type of way, it was said in a tone like "i hope a truck hits you on your way home" sort of way. So I hit him. Then proceeded to hit every post/pole on the way to amanda's car to keep from just going back and hitting him again. Amanda and tyrel (best friend of CHris) met me outside when i was comming back to return her keys (I wasnt planning on hiding from him or anything, if he wanted to fight me over it I was ready to). Amanda had a big smile on her face and clapped and laughed, poor Tyrel (God) had a confused look on his face. I explained the above thought process...tyrel responded with "yeah, chris can be a douche..i cant say much more since he's my best friend and all but yeah". i heart tyrel. so far my only regrets about this whole thing are that i didn't hit him straignt in the face but on the side (as i was walking by) and that i didn't hit him harder. Ana told me he said after i left that he was just kidding around. he wasn't. when he's kidding he gets this stupid smile and says he was just kidding, especially if he can tell the person's mad at him...there was no smile, and it wasd blatently obvious that I was pissed since gee, i dunno, i kinda said "hey amanda, can i use your keys real quick, if Chris is going to be a Dick i dont feel like dealing with it, i'm just gonna go home." not really a way that could sound like i was kidding. so basically he told them he was just kidding so it'd look like i was the crazy bitch who just like flipped out on him or something. yeah, i know i probably shouldn't have hit him, but i'm tired of being treated like crap just because i slept with him, was the same to me that i was to him, a quick lay. we're on the same level. He's no better than me. He deserved it and for once i can say i'm not just denying that i feel bad, i really don't. i'm proud of myself for having the balls to stand up to him to some extent when i would normally let him walk all over me.