i think too much
i feel somewhat better from the last time i wrote in this thing. i got to see peter yesterday. we chilled with his friend, it was um interesting. blah and now im bored. hopefully, peter will come see me sometime today.
wow why am i up so early? i woke up at 7 30 and i couldnt go back to sleep so i went to my basement and watched Closer. its such a sad movie, but i like it. it just goes to show you what shit people can really be. what people are really like. the fucked up part of being in a relationship. and it sucks that people really do things like that to other people. and how people can be so cold. CLOSER pretty much confermed what it was i already knew. love, is bullshit. love is nothing but a word. nothing but a symbol. its false happiness. how can you say you love someone and hurt them like that, by screwing around with someone else. love is more of a hope, more of an idea than an actual feeling, and actual thing. its a hope that you have that deep, strong connection with someone... but you dont. the illusion of safety. everybody wants to be 'loved.' but do we really? is that what we really want? no. if you really think about it, think about it on a much larger scale. love is nothing but pain because people dont know how to just be happy with the person they're with. people are never satisfied. this is why people have sex with other people, even though they clam to 'be in love' with someone else. its sad really. this are the things that make me sad. its enough to make me want to cry. when i was younger, i used to dream about meeting someone and falling in love with them and being with them forever. its amazing how forever can last nine months and then its over.
people are alone and people are unhappy. i am alone and i am unhappy.
im so smart. ive got it all figured out. i should write a book.