so much sacred in the month of June
As I'm typing this I'm sitting in my dads car outside the church where he is inside, busy with some kind of financial meeting or something(and just to give you an idea of how crazy south africa is, this church is right next to a police station, and it still got burglarized, and I remind you, it's a CHURCH!). I'm using the laptop I brought him last December to do all my typing/writing stuff, after which I'll take it somewhere with internet access to send/post it...lots of slashies going on there..hmm..gotta cut back on that a little/or a lot..oops. Anyway..Looking out in all directions from the church there is nothing but raw wilderness. Tall brown grass (since it's winter, everything is dry and rather drab looking) and claw like trees disrupt the horizon as every now and then "controlled" fires burst out to put down the tall grass rebellions that have taken hold of the "inhabited" areas during the summer. Everything is perfect right now as I listen to the mix cd's I made up before leaving, and with an ice cold Coke in hand(apparently there's no more Pepsi in this country..meh)and with some time by myself to just write and think or whatever, and all in a place that feels maybe a little too much like home.
yup..so Tuesday night I went and saw The Passion of the Christ with my dad. It was the second time for me, but it was interesting to see what my dad had to say about it since he's somewhat of an expert on all that stuff. Overall he approved of the whole thing and even wanted to figure out way to show it to the entire congregation so they could discuss it together, like many all over the world have probably done.
On Wednesday we decided to play tourist, and went out the "the dam" as we call it. It's pretty much the only place within a few hundred kilometeres (oh sorry I forgot, MILES) that has a large body of water with boats and that general vacationy feel you only get when you're by the ocean or some place like that (also makes you have to pee a lot more frequently). They have a heck of a lot of African style markets and things there to keep you busy for quite a while. After a lot of bargaining and going back and forth, we picked up a few nice trinkets for a rainy day..and oddly enough..none of the them was an umbrella..hmm. (oh wow that was stupid..aah..too lazy to go back to destroy the evidence)
Afterward we stopped by my aunts house for a little "braai", or barbeque as it's known in the states. Once again, everything around me felt all too familiar, but also a little skewed, because I used to live in that house for about 2 years or so after the divorce. My aunt bought the place from my mom and she now lives there with her husband, her husbands son, a cat, and more than one dog. They've changed the place quite a bit, so it feels kind like I'm in an alternate reality or something whenever I'm there...and neither the reality, nor the alternate offer me much in the way of good memories of living there...I think I may have been "dead" those 2 years cause I don't remember very much..maybe I just don't want to remember.
The visit was just Ok I guess..if only we didn't talk about the whole Marines thing quite so much..everyone always questioning, giving me their two cents that I never asked for, commenting on the whole situation in Iraq like they actually know what the hell is going on when the people right in the middle of the shit don't even know. And it's not just there that its happened so far..I had the exact same conversation about 30 times in one morning this past sunday when just about every member of my dads congregation asked about the same things, said the same things, had the same reactions, and me with my same old response by now programmed to respond to the same questions over and over again. It's not like this wasn't happening at home (and by this I mean the States now..yea, it works weird like that) but I guess it's just having to do the same damn thing in a different country, on a different continent, in a different language that gets to me..the feeling that even my own people, whatever that means, will go as far as to make me feel like shit (or at least thats how it seems) for what I'm doing, all the while giving me their best wishes as if that's enough to cover the shaking of their heads and scathing words of disapproval. Oh well, I don't really care about that all that much... at least those close to me have more of an understanding than they will ever have..heh..who knows..maybe I'll understand this whole thing too some day.
Last night after we got home after quite a long and rather productive day (aside from not getting to any physical training...oh man, I'm gonna suffer when I get back..damn) we just sat around in front of the TV, winding down. We ended up watching "the dangerous lives of altar boys", which was much to my surprise really really good. It has a good cast too; Jodie Foster, Kieran Culkan, Jena Malone, and Vincent D'onofrio (Pvt. Pyle..hehe).. It reminded me of a lot things in my own life, my childhood..and things happening now..how you can feel trapped, struggling to keep moving towards something, and at the same time find new freedoms to make living make sense. There were quite a few things worth mentioning in the movie, but I'll have to watch it again to gather them in my mind..though one particular scene really got to me..this scene where the main character (I forget his name) is with Jena Malone's character in her room, and they make out for quite a while..it wasn't just the fact that they were making out..but it was the way the whole thing was filmed and the whole mood and everything...they're both these young, rather innocent high school kids, just completely lost in the moment..holding each other, kissing softly, gently, the look in their eyes as they get lost in each other. The whole thing just made me miss things I've never even experienced...even though there is still time in my life..I'm at the point where I feel that things of that nature should already be in my past, behind me. I dunno..I can't help but have these morbid thoughts when it comes to these things, but I assure you, hope is not yet an extinct animal in my kingdom..endangered maybe, but still alive and well.
yeah..so, I guess I've written my name in the pages of history enough for today. The meeting is probably almost over, and then we'll probably be on our way home, stopping by some place so I can post this here. I don't have much time left in this place, so I'll have to go quickly before this moment is gone. Even though this won't last forever, I will pay no mind when it finally ends..cause I am here now.
yup..so Tuesday night I went and saw The Passion of the Christ with my dad. It was the second time for me, but it was interesting to see what my dad had to say about it since he's somewhat of an expert on all that stuff. Overall he approved of the whole thing and even wanted to figure out way to show it to the entire congregation so they could discuss it together, like many all over the world have probably done.
On Wednesday we decided to play tourist, and went out the "the dam" as we call it. It's pretty much the only place within a few hundred kilometeres (oh sorry I forgot, MILES) that has a large body of water with boats and that general vacationy feel you only get when you're by the ocean or some place like that (also makes you have to pee a lot more frequently). They have a heck of a lot of African style markets and things there to keep you busy for quite a while. After a lot of bargaining and going back and forth, we picked up a few nice trinkets for a rainy day..and oddly enough..none of the them was an umbrella..hmm. (oh wow that was stupid..aah..too lazy to go back to destroy the evidence)
Afterward we stopped by my aunts house for a little "braai", or barbeque as it's known in the states. Once again, everything around me felt all too familiar, but also a little skewed, because I used to live in that house for about 2 years or so after the divorce. My aunt bought the place from my mom and she now lives there with her husband, her husbands son, a cat, and more than one dog. They've changed the place quite a bit, so it feels kind like I'm in an alternate reality or something whenever I'm there...and neither the reality, nor the alternate offer me much in the way of good memories of living there...I think I may have been "dead" those 2 years cause I don't remember very much..maybe I just don't want to remember.
The visit was just Ok I guess..if only we didn't talk about the whole Marines thing quite so much..everyone always questioning, giving me their two cents that I never asked for, commenting on the whole situation in Iraq like they actually know what the hell is going on when the people right in the middle of the shit don't even know. And it's not just there that its happened so far..I had the exact same conversation about 30 times in one morning this past sunday when just about every member of my dads congregation asked about the same things, said the same things, had the same reactions, and me with my same old response by now programmed to respond to the same questions over and over again. It's not like this wasn't happening at home (and by this I mean the States now..yea, it works weird like that) but I guess it's just having to do the same damn thing in a different country, on a different continent, in a different language that gets to me..the feeling that even my own people, whatever that means, will go as far as to make me feel like shit (or at least thats how it seems) for what I'm doing, all the while giving me their best wishes as if that's enough to cover the shaking of their heads and scathing words of disapproval. Oh well, I don't really care about that all that much... at least those close to me have more of an understanding than they will ever have..heh..who knows..maybe I'll understand this whole thing too some day.
Last night after we got home after quite a long and rather productive day (aside from not getting to any physical training...oh man, I'm gonna suffer when I get back..damn) we just sat around in front of the TV, winding down. We ended up watching "the dangerous lives of altar boys", which was much to my surprise really really good. It has a good cast too; Jodie Foster, Kieran Culkan, Jena Malone, and Vincent D'onofrio (Pvt. Pyle..hehe).. It reminded me of a lot things in my own life, my childhood..and things happening now..how you can feel trapped, struggling to keep moving towards something, and at the same time find new freedoms to make living make sense. There were quite a few things worth mentioning in the movie, but I'll have to watch it again to gather them in my mind..though one particular scene really got to me..this scene where the main character (I forget his name) is with Jena Malone's character in her room, and they make out for quite a while..it wasn't just the fact that they were making out..but it was the way the whole thing was filmed and the whole mood and everything...they're both these young, rather innocent high school kids, just completely lost in the moment..holding each other, kissing softly, gently, the look in their eyes as they get lost in each other. The whole thing just made me miss things I've never even experienced...even though there is still time in my life..I'm at the point where I feel that things of that nature should already be in my past, behind me. I dunno..I can't help but have these morbid thoughts when it comes to these things, but I assure you, hope is not yet an extinct animal in my kingdom..endangered maybe, but still alive and well.
yeah..so, I guess I've written my name in the pages of history enough for today. The meeting is probably almost over, and then we'll probably be on our way home, stopping by some place so I can post this here. I don't have much time left in this place, so I'll have to go quickly before this moment is gone. Even though this won't last forever, I will pay no mind when it finally ends..cause I am here now.