I just don't know anymore...
Well it's been like, to be honest, i could'nt tell you how long it has been since the last time i have updated. No one reads it anymore, or comments so i figured, why do it, why should i allow people insight to whats going on with me. Lately things though have just been leaving a real sour taste in my mouth. I just really don't know how to explain it. Basically i'm not sure wether i am truely happy with who i am and everythign around me. I've been trying to tell myself for a while now that i am happy and there is nothign to worry about, im not to sure of it anymore. Everywhere i go, and everythign i do, there conflict or a problem, and im starting to believe that maybe all those negative things that people have to say abotu me are true, maybe i am an asshole or a fuck up.
I didn't come on here to make it seem like life is so hard, or that people should feel sorry for me, so forgive me if thats what you feel im doing...
Im not sure why i have these feelign though, i should be happy i guess. I have a job, a good gf, and good friends. Its isnt so much though that im not happy beacause im missing anyhtign in my life, it may just be that i feel i don't deserve the things i do have. I really don't deserve teh job i have, everyday i stroll in there late, and think nothign of it, and throughout the the day i just walk away from the work i have to do, simple because i dont feel like doing it.I don't deserve the girl i have, not even the least bit. I don't understand why she is still with me, i pressure her to much, i smother her, i hurt her..physicaly and emotionaly, and i simple ask way to much of her.
I don't feel as though i desevre the love that she gives me or the time she spends with me. I would much rather her be teh happy one and i the miserable one, she doesnt deserve it, and probly shouldnt put up with it any longer. I wouldnt blame her if she left. My friends, i don't seserve them, im never there when they need me, i ignore their phone calls and i just always have somethign negative to say to one of them. They always keep calling tho, they never give up on me, maybe sooner or later the calls will just stop coming and they'll realize the problems i cause and the shit i put them thru.
I am simple just tired of it all, im not mad, im not sad, im not hurt. I don't know what i am, but tired. Tired of the empty emotions, th bitterness, the fights, the negativity, the constant empty feeling, of feeling of unacomplishment. Im tired of it all. I dont deserve a beautiful girlfriend, or good friends who always have your back, or a good job with nice people. I dont deserve any of it anymore....
and either do you.... im sorry
I didn't come on here to make it seem like life is so hard, or that people should feel sorry for me, so forgive me if thats what you feel im doing...
Im not sure why i have these feelign though, i should be happy i guess. I have a job, a good gf, and good friends. Its isnt so much though that im not happy beacause im missing anyhtign in my life, it may just be that i feel i don't deserve the things i do have. I really don't deserve teh job i have, everyday i stroll in there late, and think nothign of it, and throughout the the day i just walk away from the work i have to do, simple because i dont feel like doing it.I don't deserve the girl i have, not even the least bit. I don't understand why she is still with me, i pressure her to much, i smother her, i hurt her..physicaly and emotionaly, and i simple ask way to much of her.
I don't feel as though i desevre the love that she gives me or the time she spends with me. I would much rather her be teh happy one and i the miserable one, she doesnt deserve it, and probly shouldnt put up with it any longer. I wouldnt blame her if she left. My friends, i don't seserve them, im never there when they need me, i ignore their phone calls and i just always have somethign negative to say to one of them. They always keep calling tho, they never give up on me, maybe sooner or later the calls will just stop coming and they'll realize the problems i cause and the shit i put them thru.
I am simple just tired of it all, im not mad, im not sad, im not hurt. I don't know what i am, but tired. Tired of the empty emotions, th bitterness, the fights, the negativity, the constant empty feeling, of feeling of unacomplishment. Im tired of it all. I dont deserve a beautiful girlfriend, or good friends who always have your back, or a good job with nice people. I dont deserve any of it anymore....
and either do you.... im sorry