(no subject)
so here it is flat out. i got reminded of my father
so yea im acting wierd now and im sorry but i cant help it. he is amazing and yet only one other person has ever hurt me as badly as he did. until cj came along i didnt trust nebiody. and i know im not forgiving or good at letting thigns go. and so as soon as cj started tleling eddie everything i did not trust guys anymore and ben ben is the first guy who i know no matter what i can trust. if things go bad for a second oh well cause were gonna fix it.
but thinking about what he did to my mother and how he hurt me. compleatly screwed me up,i just i die inside. again. knowing ben cna turn on me at any moment like eddie makes me feel like i failed.again i just keep doing it over and over again.
my dad was my role model i wanted to be just like him. i tried to hold on to him for so many years. convinced someday he would call me and tell me he loved me and he was sorry for walking out on me. but i think i guess deep down i always knew that he didnt care.
my dad never actually grew up. he stayed 16 and just stayed like tht when i was born./ he was one big kid who didnt know how to care for a baby
and i was the dumb baby who got wrapped up in it and now its eating me apart.
so yea im acting wierd now and im sorry but i cant help it. he is amazing and yet only one other person has ever hurt me as badly as he did. until cj came along i didnt trust nebiody. and i know im not forgiving or good at letting thigns go. and so as soon as cj started tleling eddie everything i did not trust guys anymore and ben ben is the first guy who i know no matter what i can trust. if things go bad for a second oh well cause were gonna fix it.
but thinking about what he did to my mother and how he hurt me. compleatly screwed me up,i just i die inside. again. knowing ben cna turn on me at any moment like eddie makes me feel like i failed.again i just keep doing it over and over again.
my dad was my role model i wanted to be just like him. i tried to hold on to him for so many years. convinced someday he would call me and tell me he loved me and he was sorry for walking out on me. but i think i guess deep down i always knew that he didnt care.
my dad never actually grew up. he stayed 16 and just stayed like tht when i was born./ he was one big kid who didnt know how to care for a baby
and i was the dumb baby who got wrapped up in it and now its eating me apart.