tonite i just wanna give up...
it seems like my dad is never in my life and when he decides he wants to be he either yells at me, demands i do something for him, or has no idea about what i do in my life... and it bothers me a lot... i know their are people saying suck it up and get over myself but i am seriously tired of holding all of this in. tonite i said something wrong because i misunderstood what my brother said and my dad freaked out on me... and he wonders why i don't enjoy spending time with him... i'm not askin him to give up his life to spend time with me but i think that he should want to spend more than the 15 minutes at diner with me... i dunno maybe i'm crazy and i have no idea what i am talking about... i just feel like their is no hope in my dad and i being close and having what my brother and him have... i mean he used to want to spend time with me... now he couldn't even tell you what i do... its like he is trying to block me out of his life... oh well i guess i live with it and try to ignore the fact that he is acting this way... maybe he will change... which i doubt because i have been thikin that for over 2 years now...
i know i have people in my life that care but why do i feel so alone... i'm afraid to go through what i did last year so i am tryin to talk things out and tell people things but it just isn't working... like tonite... i went from feelin okay about things to a total crash... now i feel depressed and like i don't want to do anything... i dunno what it is... i wish Larry didn't have to work tonite... i need him to talk to... talkin to him makes me feel like... i don't know how to describe it... its like everything is safe with him no matter what... thats how i feel when i'm with him period...
andrea i know that you are there to talk to but i dunno... tonite i just don't know what to do... i wanna tell you all of what has happened tonite to make me feel this way but i don't want to drag you into it... i know i tell you that i can talk to you about everything and anything but i just don't wanna make all of my problems yours... i just wanna make sure that you know its nothing you did i just don't wanna make you feel like you have to deal with all of my problems...
well now that i have gotten that much outta me i can go sit in my corner...
*amy
i love you larry... i seriously don't know what i would do without you... you make me actually feel okay to be myself... like no one can judge me when i am with you and i don't have to live up to any expectations....
11.6.04 was the greatest nite...
i know i have people in my life that care but why do i feel so alone... i'm afraid to go through what i did last year so i am tryin to talk things out and tell people things but it just isn't working... like tonite... i went from feelin okay about things to a total crash... now i feel depressed and like i don't want to do anything... i dunno what it is... i wish Larry didn't have to work tonite... i need him to talk to... talkin to him makes me feel like... i don't know how to describe it... its like everything is safe with him no matter what... thats how i feel when i'm with him period...
andrea i know that you are there to talk to but i dunno... tonite i just don't know what to do... i wanna tell you all of what has happened tonite to make me feel this way but i don't want to drag you into it... i know i tell you that i can talk to you about everything and anything but i just don't wanna make all of my problems yours... i just wanna make sure that you know its nothing you did i just don't wanna make you feel like you have to deal with all of my problems...
well now that i have gotten that much outta me i can go sit in my corner...
*amy
i love you larry... i seriously don't know what i would do without you... you make me actually feel okay to be myself... like no one can judge me when i am with you and i don't have to live up to any expectations....
11.6.04 was the greatest nite...