(no subject)
Just kidding in the previous post about being on dex. Haven't been on that stuff in a loooooong time and was recalling how great tripping balls in the theater to that movie was. Ah, that was a different time.
Anyway... I feel like I'm pretty much completely distant from Fro. He's here every day for Ember, which is exactly where he should be, but I used to feel like he was there for me also. Now, not so much. And the weird thing is, I kinda stopped caring. It feels like all the emotions and "feelings" I thought I still had are strictly about having a body to sleep next to. We never even actually hang out when he's here! He's either playing video games on the x box, or games on the computer all day, every day. Never wants to watch our shows or go anywhere that isn't a movie theater or some place with greasy food, and even that's become a rarity. He never wants to even make an attempt to integrate himself within my circle of friends either. Overall, I'm starting to realize we pretty much have nothing in common. He hates over half of my music, and we can't even eat a meal together most of the time because he has this irrational fear of anything healthy (even though he complains about how he wants to lose weight). Also, I seriously can't get him to lift a finger around the apartment. If he's here all day and sleeps here 6 nights a week, he either needs to cough up some rent or at least clean up after himself. I'm so sick of feeling like I have 3 kids. I'm sick of working my ass off, coming home after a 90 minute bus ride, having it be 9 o clock and the kids have been eating nothing but snacks all day and the place is a mess. It's literally a fight just to get him to wipe milk from cereal off the table and put the dish away. Of course he doesn't play with the kids either, just sits there playing games and yells whenever they do something wrong. But the worst part, is that he THINKS he's doing a good job. I'm sorry but I COMPLETELY understand why his wife divorced him. The other night I hung out with Angie til almost 1 am, and when I came home, he still had Adrian up!!! PLUS he was hungry!!! What was Fro doing? Sitting on his ass playing video games. I am truly terrified to let him watch Ember alone at his place. I can't begin to count the number of times I've explained that 0 through 5 years is a CRUCIAL time in the brain developement where the neuro pathways form through stimulation, stimulation which they don't recieve unless I'm home or they're at grandma or grandpa's. Every day it's, so, did you play games with them? Help with numbers and letters? Do puzzles? Draw? Nope, usually the answer is something like "oh you know, we ate some chips, watched some Spongebob, oh and I crushed plenty of noobs on Gears today!" Does he seriously not care if Ember grows up to be a dumbass bimbo stripper because her brain didn't reach it's full potential cuz her daddy was absent playing video games??? And then, he has the nerve to tell me I worry and stress too much. Well looks like that's because I have to take on that burden for the both of us, cuz he certainly isn't doing anything to aleviate it! He acts like I'm some nag or uptight nazi bitch who wants to control everything. I buy ALL of her food, and most of his. I pay 800 dollars a month by myself for rent because I need a 2 bedroom to accomadate our child. I bought ALL of her clothes and ALL of her toys and xmas and bday presents for the past 2 years. NOT because I want to be controlling, but because he won't fucking do it! He makes more money than I do too!!! It's completely unfair! He says 600 dolllars a week after taxes all goes to his car after his dirt cheap 200 dollar rent at his place. I know gas sucks but does it really suck so badly that you can't financially help your child out besides buying diapers twice a month??? This is exactly the reason I can't save money and move forward in my life. I'll be stuck in an 800 dollar apartment I don't care for the rest of my life with nothing under my belt except a massage certificate. I think I'm definitely going to explain all of this to the child support case worker and see what she thinks. Maybe I can finally get some financial help cuz I've had it up to here with how disgustingly unfair the entire situation is. When Ember's SSI runs out after passing the health evaluation and I don't have the extra 690 a month anymore, I will be totally and utterly fucked in the ass from every which way so I NEED to get a headstart on that help ASAP. He'll not understand and feel blindsided, but oh well. I'm so sick of looking the other way and letting stupid people get what they want because they're too stupid to understand they're in the wrong. Ugh, actually I'm getting too frusterated typing all of this so I need to stop. I could seriously go on forever bitching about how this guy believes making sure children don't die is the extent of proper child care and parenting. I think I was originally ranting about how we're growing apart then it took an even darker turn. Oops. Oh well, til next time.
Anyway... I feel like I'm pretty much completely distant from Fro. He's here every day for Ember, which is exactly where he should be, but I used to feel like he was there for me also. Now, not so much. And the weird thing is, I kinda stopped caring. It feels like all the emotions and "feelings" I thought I still had are strictly about having a body to sleep next to. We never even actually hang out when he's here! He's either playing video games on the x box, or games on the computer all day, every day. Never wants to watch our shows or go anywhere that isn't a movie theater or some place with greasy food, and even that's become a rarity. He never wants to even make an attempt to integrate himself within my circle of friends either. Overall, I'm starting to realize we pretty much have nothing in common. He hates over half of my music, and we can't even eat a meal together most of the time because he has this irrational fear of anything healthy (even though he complains about how he wants to lose weight). Also, I seriously can't get him to lift a finger around the apartment. If he's here all day and sleeps here 6 nights a week, he either needs to cough up some rent or at least clean up after himself. I'm so sick of feeling like I have 3 kids. I'm sick of working my ass off, coming home after a 90 minute bus ride, having it be 9 o clock and the kids have been eating nothing but snacks all day and the place is a mess. It's literally a fight just to get him to wipe milk from cereal off the table and put the dish away. Of course he doesn't play with the kids either, just sits there playing games and yells whenever they do something wrong. But the worst part, is that he THINKS he's doing a good job. I'm sorry but I COMPLETELY understand why his wife divorced him. The other night I hung out with Angie til almost 1 am, and when I came home, he still had Adrian up!!! PLUS he was hungry!!! What was Fro doing? Sitting on his ass playing video games. I am truly terrified to let him watch Ember alone at his place. I can't begin to count the number of times I've explained that 0 through 5 years is a CRUCIAL time in the brain developement where the neuro pathways form through stimulation, stimulation which they don't recieve unless I'm home or they're at grandma or grandpa's. Every day it's, so, did you play games with them? Help with numbers and letters? Do puzzles? Draw? Nope, usually the answer is something like "oh you know, we ate some chips, watched some Spongebob, oh and I crushed plenty of noobs on Gears today!" Does he seriously not care if Ember grows up to be a dumbass bimbo stripper because her brain didn't reach it's full potential cuz her daddy was absent playing video games??? And then, he has the nerve to tell me I worry and stress too much. Well looks like that's because I have to take on that burden for the both of us, cuz he certainly isn't doing anything to aleviate it! He acts like I'm some nag or uptight nazi bitch who wants to control everything. I buy ALL of her food, and most of his. I pay 800 dollars a month by myself for rent because I need a 2 bedroom to accomadate our child. I bought ALL of her clothes and ALL of her toys and xmas and bday presents for the past 2 years. NOT because I want to be controlling, but because he won't fucking do it! He makes more money than I do too!!! It's completely unfair! He says 600 dolllars a week after taxes all goes to his car after his dirt cheap 200 dollar rent at his place. I know gas sucks but does it really suck so badly that you can't financially help your child out besides buying diapers twice a month??? This is exactly the reason I can't save money and move forward in my life. I'll be stuck in an 800 dollar apartment I don't care for the rest of my life with nothing under my belt except a massage certificate. I think I'm definitely going to explain all of this to the child support case worker and see what she thinks. Maybe I can finally get some financial help cuz I've had it up to here with how disgustingly unfair the entire situation is. When Ember's SSI runs out after passing the health evaluation and I don't have the extra 690 a month anymore, I will be totally and utterly fucked in the ass from every which way so I NEED to get a headstart on that help ASAP. He'll not understand and feel blindsided, but oh well. I'm so sick of looking the other way and letting stupid people get what they want because they're too stupid to understand they're in the wrong. Ugh, actually I'm getting too frusterated typing all of this so I need to stop. I could seriously go on forever bitching about how this guy believes making sure children don't die is the extent of proper child care and parenting. I think I was originally ranting about how we're growing apart then it took an even darker turn. Oops. Oh well, til next time.