(no subject)
Life. It gets so hard to appreciate the little things when you run on 4 hours of sleep every night. I really need to get to the doc and figure out what in satan's name is wrong with me. :(
Oh, and I'm moving. Not sure where, not sure exactly when. I've been here my whole life, same city, 4 houses, 3 apartments. Needless to say, it's getting old. That, and I just feel like this place holds way too much baggage. I don't have a great relationship with my parents due to their lack of conern about my physical and mental health after their divorce (as well as education, and in my mom's case, physical safety when she started dating that drunk socially innept loser... arg!!) Plus, I'm sick to death of the social scene. It's as if the people who have actual hobbies outside of daily drinking, cocaine, and the whole psudo political paint by numbers textbook non-comformist hipster agenda just all up and moved away. In other words, being here makes me feel depressed and uninspired. I keep trying to move on with my life, but I keep running into the same old people, and same old drama that I don't need to be constantly reminded of.
Not gonna lie though, I did have some great times. My early childhood years were great. I've met some amazing people, and even though some of them aren't so amazing anymore, good times were definitely had. I might even be back at some point. Basically, I just want to experience something new if not for any other reason then to realize I actually like Minneapolis (although I sincerely doubt it). Two people have told me it's all in my head and I'll be unhappy wherever I go. Perhaps, but I truly think they're dead wrong. I really, honestly feel that leaving all of it behind will be like starting a new life where I don't have to be the fuck up chick with the crazy parents who hung out with deadbeats all day and night so I didn't have to be at home. In other words, drama out of sight, drama out of mind. There's a big difference between accepting your past and moving on, and running away and hiding like a coward. I would like to think that I'm doing the first one. Like I said before, part of it is just curiousity and the need for a new adventure.
I think I've written too much, so I'll end with a short list of a few steps I need to take to make all of this possible:
*pay off xcel debt, most of my shool loans (at least half and all of the interest)
*Sell/give away most of what I don't absolutely need
*Perhaps look for a job in something I have little or no experience in so I can move with a more well rounded resume and have a better chance at finding work right away
*Save enough money to live for a few months in case I don't find a job right away, I mean it shouldn't take longer than that right?
*RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. No where too sleazy and crime filled, but nowhere too pristine and stuck up either
*Spend as much time as possible with the people I will actually miss
One more thing I need to add. I'm not blaming Minneapolis for any of my actions in the past, I just feel this is no longer a healthy invironment for where I want to go with my life.
Oh, and I'm moving. Not sure where, not sure exactly when. I've been here my whole life, same city, 4 houses, 3 apartments. Needless to say, it's getting old. That, and I just feel like this place holds way too much baggage. I don't have a great relationship with my parents due to their lack of conern about my physical and mental health after their divorce (as well as education, and in my mom's case, physical safety when she started dating that drunk socially innept loser... arg!!) Plus, I'm sick to death of the social scene. It's as if the people who have actual hobbies outside of daily drinking, cocaine, and the whole psudo political paint by numbers textbook non-comformist hipster agenda just all up and moved away. In other words, being here makes me feel depressed and uninspired. I keep trying to move on with my life, but I keep running into the same old people, and same old drama that I don't need to be constantly reminded of.
Not gonna lie though, I did have some great times. My early childhood years were great. I've met some amazing people, and even though some of them aren't so amazing anymore, good times were definitely had. I might even be back at some point. Basically, I just want to experience something new if not for any other reason then to realize I actually like Minneapolis (although I sincerely doubt it). Two people have told me it's all in my head and I'll be unhappy wherever I go. Perhaps, but I truly think they're dead wrong. I really, honestly feel that leaving all of it behind will be like starting a new life where I don't have to be the fuck up chick with the crazy parents who hung out with deadbeats all day and night so I didn't have to be at home. In other words, drama out of sight, drama out of mind. There's a big difference between accepting your past and moving on, and running away and hiding like a coward. I would like to think that I'm doing the first one. Like I said before, part of it is just curiousity and the need for a new adventure.
I think I've written too much, so I'll end with a short list of a few steps I need to take to make all of this possible:
*pay off xcel debt, most of my shool loans (at least half and all of the interest)
*Sell/give away most of what I don't absolutely need
*Perhaps look for a job in something I have little or no experience in so I can move with a more well rounded resume and have a better chance at finding work right away
*Save enough money to live for a few months in case I don't find a job right away, I mean it shouldn't take longer than that right?
*RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. No where too sleazy and crime filled, but nowhere too pristine and stuck up either
*Spend as much time as possible with the people I will actually miss
One more thing I need to add. I'm not blaming Minneapolis for any of my actions in the past, I just feel this is no longer a healthy invironment for where I want to go with my life.