Sorry I haven't been reading friends' pages and posts recently...
And I haven't replied properly. Been moping and sulking and being a tad bit depressed at thinking about leaving, despite having two of my friends telling me that it's all right and stuff. Thank you, but yeah, the unease will probably never go away until the moment I step in there.
Right now, I'm feeling fail, and I'm feeling stupid. Like it was the wrong decision from the start to even pursue this degree outside of my country, and that there's things I need to do (no doubt it's made much easier just this year) but I cannot just bear thinking of the fact that I'll be away from family. It's not that I'm saying I'll have no friends over there, but, I guess, as a Chinese, the feeling of having blood-related people around you is just...much more comforting.
And there won't be any with me starting from late September onwards.
I dunno, maybe I'm weak and all, or I'm too dependent, but that's how I feel. I never said it to my mom or my bro, but I might be silly and all, and this is what I think, "I'd rather be poor and be able to stay with my family and smile every day".
I want to live simply, with no particular aspirations, no competition, no need to fight with others...I basically want an easy life, and I won't even care about other people around me, except for my family.
Am I too simple for this world?
I'm now even more upset because my Visa couldn't be turned in today - the name registered with my CAS isn't consistent with the name registered with my passport. (My passport has my English name, while my CAS did not.) I don't blame them, of course, because of regulations, but I'm just upset at myself for not even checking this. TBH I never thought it'd be this important, and actually there was no emphasis anywhere about it. I understand, and learn from this, but can't help but feel worried over it.
I did email the school regarding this, so I'm kind of expecting a reply soon. I basically have everything sufficient - I just need the name to be consistent with my passport.
Now, I kind of regret and think back that maybe I should've just stayed in Singapore and tried another course (NTU, mass com?). Even knowing that I'm the kind who hates the bothersome things that I have to do in life, I still can't escape the fate of facing it.
ETA: I feel better now. Attempting to watch Gintama to make myself happier. The CAS issue is more or less settled, though I can't make an appointment until 48 hours later, so I guess I'll just take tomorrow's time really early, and go down to the center and start queueing. Better than not having anything settled while waiting for the appointment time to be up and such.
...Although, more and more I don't feel right in taking this path, right now. I don't even know why. It's like I just did all the wrongs in my life (or my previous life). I dunno why, but I feel so right now. ETA 2: Oh god look at the typo! Irony and confusion huh. Sorry for the depressed post.
...Heard a little report earlier on the radio about depression in 1 in 20 people in Singapore. Ohtehnoez i need to go get checked up.
Speaking of which, I need to check up for thyroid condition again! I've been feeling incredibly sleepy for the past two days, and I can't tell if it's thyroid. My nails are always on the relatively dry side, and my neck has been fat since I've been born so I can't tell by looking. :\ I dunno about my weight gain, but my mom's scaring me 'cause she told me I got fatter when she came back 2 weeks later.
...Quite impossible since you guys know my habits. And most of the days when she isn't even in, I'm always by my laptop, and always...unwilling to leave. :\
Right now, I'm feeling fail, and I'm feeling stupid. Like it was the wrong decision from the start to even pursue this degree outside of my country, and that there's things I need to do (no doubt it's made much easier just this year) but I cannot just bear thinking of the fact that I'll be away from family. It's not that I'm saying I'll have no friends over there, but, I guess, as a Chinese, the feeling of having blood-related people around you is just...much more comforting.
And there won't be any with me starting from late September onwards.
I dunno, maybe I'm weak and all, or I'm too dependent, but that's how I feel. I never said it to my mom or my bro, but I might be silly and all, and this is what I think, "I'd rather be poor and be able to stay with my family and smile every day".
I want to live simply, with no particular aspirations, no competition, no need to fight with others...I basically want an easy life, and I won't even care about other people around me, except for my family.
Am I too simple for this world?
I'm now even more upset because my Visa couldn't be turned in today - the name registered with my CAS isn't consistent with the name registered with my passport. (My passport has my English name, while my CAS did not.) I don't blame them, of course, because of regulations, but I'm just upset at myself for not even checking this. TBH I never thought it'd be this important, and actually there was no emphasis anywhere about it. I understand, and learn from this, but can't help but feel worried over it.
I did email the school regarding this, so I'm kind of expecting a reply soon. I basically have everything sufficient - I just need the name to be consistent with my passport.
Now, I kind of regret and think back that maybe I should've just stayed in Singapore and tried another course (NTU, mass com?). Even knowing that I'm the kind who hates the bothersome things that I have to do in life, I still can't escape the fate of facing it.
ETA: I feel better now. Attempting to watch Gintama to make myself happier. The CAS issue is more or less settled, though I can't make an appointment until 48 hours later, so I guess I'll just take tomorrow's time really early, and go down to the center and start queueing. Better than not having anything settled while waiting for the appointment time to be up and such.
...Although, more and more I don't feel right in taking this path, right now. I don't even know why. It's like I just did all the wrongs in my life (or my previous life). I dunno why, but I feel so right now. ETA 2: Oh god look at the typo! Irony and confusion huh. Sorry for the depressed post.
...Heard a little report earlier on the radio about depression in 1 in 20 people in Singapore. Ohtehnoez i need to go get checked up.
Speaking of which, I need to check up for thyroid condition again! I've been feeling incredibly sleepy for the past two days, and I can't tell if it's thyroid. My nails are always on the relatively dry side, and my neck has been fat since I've been born so I can't tell by looking. :\ I dunno about my weight gain, but my mom's scaring me 'cause she told me I got fatter when she came back 2 weeks later.
...Quite impossible since you guys know my habits. And most of the days when she isn't even in, I'm always by my laptop, and always...unwilling to leave. :\