I once told my mother I would kick my brother in the nuts if he said “no” one more time. She said I wouldn’t, He said no, and I did. I’m really not one to beat around the bush. Consequently, I’m a rather pushy and stubborn individual. On different sorts of levels, I like and dislike this. Most importantly, however, I basically always get what I want. Now, this doesn’t apply to men, such as Sean Penn, or even the choice of dinner, but much more important things. For a long while, my mom was opposed to thong underwear, particularly if it was being worn by me. Now, don’t ask me why, because what I have around my nether-regions should never be of any concern to my mother. Ever. Maybe it was her motherly instincts that made her so against thong underwear, or maybe she could possibly see into the future and she wanted to shield my poor heart from the horrors to come. This reminds me of dear old Oedipus Rex, when the Let me start from the beginning. Well, in the beginning, there was me. I was born on a particularly balmy May night although it probably could have been classified as morning as well, I’m not really sure. My mom said that when I was first born, I looked quite a bit like a platypus. I would do this little lip thing where I pouched my lips out and there was an unmistakable likeness between myself and this furry, pond dwelling creature. I’m not sure if I can remember much of what happened at first, because my eyes didn’t work. Neither did my legs, and this was rather distressing. I wanted to run and jump and kick and skip. All at this tender young age of a couple minutes old? Yes. I am a genius. It turns out, babies aren’t supposed to be able to jump around which is pretty unfortunate. But VERY fortunately, you’re only a baby once, so you’re only useless for a year or so. On the other end, you grow up and get old and eventually become useless again. I plan on being dead by then. As a young child, I didn’t really watch much television, or play with other children. I missed out on all of the hair-pulling and nose-picking that every lucky kid gets to experience. In a way, I feel jipped. I DID however walk ceremoniously around my house, declaring all sorts of inanimate objects as my lowly squires and handmaids. I believe this was the beginning of my pigheadedness. No mattter how much my mother tried to tell me, I was nearly positive the broom COULD hear what I was commanding it to do, it was just being spiteful by not complying.
I once told my mother I would kick my brother in the nuts if he said “no” one more time.
She said I wouldn’t,
He said no,
and I did.
I’m really not one to beat around the bush. Consequently, I’m a rather pushy and stubborn individual. On different sorts of levels, I like and dislike this. Most importantly, however, I basically always get what I want. Now, this doesn’t apply to men, such as Sean Penn, or even the choice of dinner, but much more important things.
For a long while, my mom was opposed to thong underwear, particularly if it was being worn by me. Now, don’t ask me why, because what I have around my nether-regions should never be of any concern to my mother. Ever.
Maybe it was her motherly instincts that made her so against thong underwear, or maybe she could possibly see into the future and she wanted to shield my poor heart from the horrors to come. This reminds me of dear old Oedipus Rex, when the
Let me start from the beginning. Well, in the beginning, there was me. I was born on a particularly balmy May night although it probably could have been classified as morning as well, I’m not really sure. My mom said that when I was first born, I looked quite a bit like a platypus. I would do this little lip thing where I pouched my lips out and there was an unmistakable likeness between myself and this furry, pond dwelling creature. I’m not sure if I can remember much of what happened at first, because my eyes didn’t work. Neither did my legs, and this was rather distressing. I wanted to run and jump and kick and skip. All at this tender young age of a couple minutes old? Yes. I am a genius. It turns out, babies aren’t supposed to be able to jump around which is pretty unfortunate. But VERY fortunately, you’re only a baby once, so you’re only useless for a year or so. On the other end, you grow up and get old and eventually become useless again. I plan on being dead by then.
As a young child, I didn’t really watch much television, or play with other children. I missed out on all of the hair-pulling and nose-picking that every lucky kid gets to experience. In a way, I feel jipped. I DID however walk ceremoniously around my house, declaring all sorts of inanimate objects as my lowly squires and handmaids.
I believe this was the beginning of my pigheadedness. No mattter how much my mother tried to tell me, I was nearly positive the broom COULD hear what I was commanding it to do, it was just being spiteful by not complying.
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