CANT LOSE ANOTHER.

[xpink_cheeks]

today was just one of those days! i did nothing all day... got my report card, it was horrible. dont want to talk about it (p.s. good news. im not grounded) and then i went over to Niam's house and filmed our english project-- which consisted of, Dominic, Lee, Matt, Mark, Niam, and me!! it was so much fun, seriously.. i was laughing SO hard. hahaha, its such a retarded video too. haha, but yeah... it took us awhile to find Niam and Lee- so Dom got into the back of the truck, and Matt too-- and i rode in the front with Mark, and we rode around, and looked for them and then like a half an hour later we found them. and it took us like an hour and a half to do the video. short time, thank god. I came home, and my gram sat down and talked to me. She told me that she talked to my dad, and that my gram rafferty is home from the hospital, and i smile and then she was like BUT... "Shes not doing good at all alyssa. the whole reason she is home is because they werent able to give her the open heart that she needs. Something is wrong with a part of her heart and if they operated the blood would rush to her head and she would die instantly. So now she has to wait for a specialist to come from out of state to see what is going on with her... and if that doesnt work, then they will have to put her on the list for an immediate heart transplant. but you dont know how long it will take them to find a heart for her, and were not sure whats going to happen in the meantime.. so be prepared." and then i cryed my eyes out. seriously, this is horrible. its my gram rafferty-- and i cant lose anyone else, it will be so hard. i already lost way to many people, and im not ready to go through that again, because i have been through it WAY too much. it seems like everyone is leaving me, either growing up, dying, or moving.. and one, i dont want to grow up, two, i cant take anyone else dying... i cant, my heart cant, and three i dont want to move away or my friends to move away because we only have 2 years of school left. but yeah, i guess im just depressed. i dont know. i dont get anything about life... AT ALL.

oh and on a good note, me and tim have been together for 3 weeks =]