Dream Walking in Deserts Chapter 3
For Chapter 1 go [here]
For Chapter 2 go [here]
So here it is, the final chapter. Sorry it took so long to get to you. Best of luck with it.
Also fun fact: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Son's is the perfect song for James and Regulus.
X x x x x x x
There are fish that live at the bottom of the ocean that make little lights in the all consuming darkness. They flash those little lights like candles in a storm, drawing smaller fish to them, and the little fish feel like they are being saved just as they are eaten. Some times I think you're like those fish, James. I'm hypnotized by you, the only little light in this world full of crushing darkness. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true.
My father is dead, my mother is loosing her mind, my brother has left me and every day I wear the Dark Lords brand on my arm and every day I'm more and more worried that I made a mistake. These are my weak and private thoughts.
Every few weeks I get your letters, with your messy script telling me that you're at the Hogs Head Inn that night and I instantly get rush of relief. Your smile could melt the ice caps, James. I'm worried that you're too good to be true. I'm worried that you'll eat my heart.
James's hair spread out on the thick rug like a halo above his head. Regulus was idly tracing his fingers along his bare chest, the fire light dancing across their skin. Neither of them spoke.
The fireplace was lined with stone, burning bright and warm. The rest of the room was wood except for the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the ocean, still in the dim moon light. It was a place James had dreamed up, tugging at the dream space until it was just perfect.
With anyone else, changing the dream space threatened to pull Regulus into nightmares, but James was strong enough to keep the dream coherent on his own. It only added to James's charm.
“You're quiet.” Regulus said softly. It was rare for James to be so silent, always filling the conversation with idle chit chat that Regulus had never really managed to imitate.
“I don't want to talk about it, Reg.” James replied, his fingers running through Regulus's hair.
“Order business.” Regulus said softly and let out a sigh. James nodded mutely. “Then let's forget it.” He pulled himself up even with James's face and kissed him softly. “We don't think about Order business in my dreams. Remember?”
“I remember.” James said softly.
I don't want to be in love with you James. You're with that Evans girl, you're my brother's best friend, you're an Order member, naïve and trusting and noble to a fault. You've never said you love me. I've never said I love you. We are not “in love”. Yet I do love you.
I wonder if you realize how much you mean to me. No one else can control the dreams like you can, and I think it's probably because even when you aren't here, I dream about you anyway.
“I'm sending you a present, by the way.” Regulus said. “You'll get it in a day or so.” He was sitting with his back against the railing of a rundown sun deck, an ocean of glittering city lights sparkling below them. They were at the highest point of the neighborhood, gnarled oak trees clawing at the bleached out summer stars.
“ Present?” James said, sitting on top of the railing, looking down at Regulus. “What for?”
“Do I need a reason?” Regulus huffed, blushing. He pulled a small ring out of his pocket and handed it up to James. The white gold was inset with a single diamond, the band inscribed with a single curling R. “You'll get the real one by Owl.”
“Is this...your family ring?” James asked, surprised.
“Yes. The diamond will stay clear as long as I'm in good health. Red means I'm sick or in danger. Black means I'm dead. If you're my brother and you get disowned from the family the Diamond turns to graphite.” Regulus explained.
“That's rather morbid, Reggie.” James said, his fingers curling around the ring.
Regulus shrugged. “Well, this way if I stop answering your owls, you'll know whether I'm dead or just ignoring you.” He smirked.
“Like I said.” James snorted and hopped off the railing. “Morbid.” He grinned and grabbed Regulus by the arm, pulling him up and into a kiss. “I'll have to hide this from Sirius.” He laughed.
I used to believe in all the propaganda and ideologies my parents shoved on me, James. I used to eat it up. Yes, I am special by blood. Yes, those people who burned our ancestors, those ridiculous ignorant muggles, were below me. Yes, I should do the family proud, because I was Regulus, the Little King. You were just a stupid, albeit charming and beautiful blood traitor who didn't know any better.
Maybe I was wrong.
Sirius saw the darkness in me James. He saw it and it drove him away. He's given up on me now and it hurts so damn much. I miss my brother. We fell apart. I'm worried that, even when things are good between us, that we're falling apart too. You'll see in darkness in me eventually and it will drive you away. I'm terrified.
They were walking down a dusty road in the shadow of a mountain, elephant gourds and Yucca plants growing in the ruts on either side.
“Where will this road lead?” James asked, absently wiping a bit of dirt off his glasses. He seemed distracted.
“It leads to a smaller hiking trail that heads towards the top of the mountain.” Regulus said as he kicked a rock a head of him. “My uncle went on vacation here. Along with some pictures, he sent a map of the hiking trails.” He explained and looked over at James.
He found it hard to look away. James, with his thin face and messy black hair and those deep brown eyes and the fluid way in which he walked and how his glasses always sat just a little lop sided on his face and his smile, (yes, mostly his smile), made his heart squirm. Each thing by itself rather common place, but together impossible to turn away from. Regulus always found himself, for lack of a better word and at risk of sounding terribly corny, absolutely captivated by him. Today though that smile, the icing on the cake, was missing.
“...you're upset today.” Regulus noted, looking back at the road ahead of them. “I thought we agreed not to dwell on Order business here.”
James scowled. “I'm trying Reg.” He muttered. “But two of my friends got murdered yesterday. Forgive me for being damn sullen.”
“If it makes you feel better,” Regulus added. “some of my friends died yesterday too. Those Prewett brothers were nasty fighters.”
“And now they're dead.” James snapped. “And there aren't even bodies to bury.” He shoved his hands in his pockets the way he did when he was upset and sat down, willing a chair to mold itself out of the rocks in the dream space. “And why would that make me feel better, dammit?”
Regulus turned to him. “We agreed we wouldn't think about the war here, James. If you were this upset, you shouldn't have come.” He said. “Talk like that could pull the dream into nightmare space.”
“Were you there?” James asked softly, burying his head in his hands. “Did you help them kill Gideon and Fabian, Regulus? Please. ”
Regulus fought against the dream space as it struggled to wrap him in the death eater cloak he had hanging in his closet. James's mind was too strong for him though. He just barely managed to rip off the mask before the other boy noticed. “No James.” He said, kneeling in front of him. “I'm still a student. They don't send me out for things like that.”
“Really?” James looked at him.
“James, I don't turn 17 for a month. I can't even apparate yet.” Regulus gave him a weak smile. “Besides, for jobs like that I'd need to prove myself somehow. I'm pretty much a grunt at this point.”
“Do you still believe in this, Regulus?”
Regulus stared back at him and took a deep breath. “I still think that we are better than Muggles, yes. I still think that we have to walk through the shadows to reach the sun, to take our proper place in the world, and that it won't be easy. It's a revolution, James. We are the shepherds of the magical world. I believe that. But...” He trailed off.
“But?” A hopeful glimmer appeared in James's eye.
“But...nothing. Life time of service or death, James. Second guessing will get me killed. Now PLEASE. There's a storm forming over the mountains and rattlesnakes have been popping up along the road around us. The dream is getting...you know. ” Regulus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Can we PLEASE just go for a walk?”
I want this to be real. I want the places we go and the things we do to actually exist. James, I'm so tired of all the good things in my life being dreams. I want to hold your hand and walk down a beach in real life. I want to rent a fancy hotel room and order room service and stay up all night drinking champagne with you. I want to walk down a dirt road in the mountains and for once not know where it will lead me. I want to see my brother again. I want there to be no war. I want you to kiss me when you're awake. I want things to be right.
Things are so, so wrong right now. You have no idea.
The darkness in me is growing. Everything is crumbling. I want you to save me, but I don't know how to tell you that.
“Catch me.” Regulus said and fell backwards out of the red oak and into James's arms. James was in a playful mood that day, refusing to put Regulus down after he caught him and laughing happily. It was a strained sort of laugh. Regulus could tell that underneath it, James was upset again. There had been another attack the night before. Two muggle born houses had burned in a village down south. But James was trying hard, for him.
“We both keep growing up so fast.” James said, holding Regulus against his chest. “To think, you're 17 now. Legal at last.” He tried to sound happy but the truth was 17 meant that Regulus was graduating soon, that he could apparate soon, that Regulus might move up in the ranks soon. Regulus might go from a hypothetical to a very real enemy very soon.
“Feel like less of a pervert now?” Regulus said, smirking at him dangerously. “You've been dream buggering your best friend's little brother for nearly two years now James. One more birthday doesn't make you less of a perv.” He teased, keeping the conversation light, happy. It was his birthday, dammit, and he was going to enjoy it, regardless of it's implications.
James laughed, dropping Regulus on his feet and burying his fingers in the other boy's hair. “You're beautiful, Regulus.” He whispered. “Your eyes burn.”
Regulus snorted, his cheeks pink. “What a stupid thing to say, James. Honestly.” James's rough fingers in his hair, on his scalp, slipping behind his ears made him feel weak in the knees. “You're dumb.”
“I agree.” The dream space rippled. The leaves on the trees bleached from green to red. Regulus turned, face to face with Severus Snape.
“Snivilus.” James said, his eyes wide, dropping his hands to the side. “Reg, is this a joke?”
“Severus, what are you doing here?” Regulus hissed. He had gone dream walking with Severus a few times, but always, always under the understanding that Severus would be invited first. This was the real Severus though, no doubts. He was a real presence, not a distortion of the dream. “You forced your way into my dream?”
“You're dream walking with James Potter?” Severus demanded, grabbing Regulus's wrist. “I came because I wanted to talk to you and I find you dream walking with James Potter?”
“You can't just force your way into my dreams, Severus!” Regulus said. “We agreed you wouldn't do that.”
“That was when I thought you were just dreaming about Potter. Not actually bringing him here.” Severus spat, tightening his grip on Regulus's wrist. “He is an enemy.” He hissed. “He nearly killed me, you know that.”
“I saved your life!” James protested.
“Severus, get out of my dream.” Regulus said coldly, ripping his arm away from the older boy. All his cheer was gone. He was back to the way he was at school, distant and aloof and in control. Underneath is his blood boiled. How dare Severus break into his dream, his private time with James. He put up with Severus's drama for years in school, listening to him cry and moan about Lily Bloody Evans, and Severus had the audacity to break into his dreams and judge him for his time with James? His patience was suddenly completely gone.
“No, we need to talk.” Severus said. “And drop the high and mighty act.” He snarled. “Bringing Potter here is dangerous.”
“Then we will talk in the morning. Get out.” Regulus replied, his eyes flashing dangerously. “When you have my permission.”
“Make me. I could tell Lucius about this. Potter will be a class A priority by the end of the week. And you Regulus-” A threat. Severus was threatening him. That was the final straw. Severus was a half blooded whiny runt, and here he was threatening HIM, the heir to one of the last great wizarding families? Threatening James?
“GET OUT!” Regulus roared. Two lions, each more than waist high to Regulus, leaped out from behind the trees, growling at Snape. They walked to Regulus's side, saliva dripping from their teeth. “This is MY dream, and who I bring here and what I do is not your business, Severus Snape. Do not test me, and do not threaten me. If you want me dead, then tell Lucius. See if I care. But remember who in school would actually listen to you cry over Evans.”
Severus stared at him, seething with rage. Finally he muttered “We will talk in the morning.” and slipped away in smoke, giving one last dirty look at James.
Regulus sat on the ground still fuming, one of his lions laying it's head in his lap.
“Lions?” James said softly.
Regulus nodded, rubbing one of the cats behind the ear. “Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation Leo, right in the Lion's heart. Rather ironic name for the heir to the Black family, but there you have it. Though my parents were thinking of the Latin translation, Little King.” He explained, smiling a little. “The Lions just sort of...find me, in my dreams if I need them. They're my patronus too.”
“Your family is weird with names. Still, Regulus the Lion heart. I like it.” James sat down next to him, petting the lions as well. “So....Snape.”
Regulus groaned, leaning back against the larger lion, burying his hands in the cat's mane. “He's a friend James. He taught me how to do this, if you remember. I've gone dream walking with him a few times. I forgot he's also a nosy asshole who hates you.”
“I didn't realize you two were so...close.” James said.
Regulus snorted. “Who do you think he ran too when Evans and he had their fight to end all fights in 5th year? Or who he went to when my brother nearly killed him in 6th year? Who else do you think had the patience to deal with his drama?” He said and closed his eyes. “Severus won't rat me out. Who else would listen to him whine?” Regulus smirked at that, looking dangerous. “Now come here and kiss me. It's my birthday” He paused “...Please.” His voice grew soft, like he was terrified James would say no.
I can't sleep anymore, James. I try, and I try, but I just can't sleep unless I know you'll be there waiting. I'll go weeks and weeks, waiting for your owls, waiting to sleep. I lay in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, trying not to blink, trying to remember how to breath. The insomnia is horrifying. Every time I close my eyes I see his face, the face of the boy they've told me to kill.
Snape, the traitor, told Lucius I needed to be tested, and so here I am. He didn't tell them why I needed to be tested, just that it had to be done. I have a month or two before they'll really push a time table on me, but I may die from insomnia by then anyway. The war is growing. There are more attacks each week, more people, on both sides, die every day. I find myself caught up in raids I'm not supposed to be at and all the while I'm supposed to be plotting murder.
When the owls come lately, I can't even gather up the courage to answer them. I'm going to break soon, but I'm afraid. What am I going to do? I'm loosing my mind, James. I can't tell you. Why can't you see? I'm not that good at lying.
Regulus was sitting on a white sand dune, the wind catching his hair. The gypsum sand spread out for miles and miles, oddly out of place in the high New Mexican desert.
“You know, it's a damn good thing you gave me that ring of yours Regulus. It's been nearly 6 months since you've answered an owl. Nice to know your avoiding me and not just dead in a ditch somewhere.” James said, standing behind him, his hands balled into fists. “Now answer me.”
Regulus was staring out over the sand expressionlessly. “We agreed not to talk about the war in the dream space, James. You know it's dangerous.”
“Fuck that, Reg. Answer me. Frank and Alice both said they saw you in Diagon ally the night it burned. Five people are dead.”
“I refuse to discuss that with you here.” Regulus said softly. His heart was pounding. This was the first time he had slept at all in nearly a month, and deeply in nearly 6, and James was going to screw it up. He just wanted to lay in the white sand with James.
“Did you help kill them?” James snapped, gritting his teeth together. Regulus's heart rate picked up. “God dammit Regulus! It was Christmas eve!”
“James.” He said softly and turned to look at him. Please, James. Just let me be happy right now. I'm never happy any more. He thought desperately.
“Did you help kill them?!” He repeated, walking towards him. He reached down and grabbed Regulus's collar, hauling him up to face him. The dream space shook. Black began to seep into the sands, clouds rolling overhead. “Answer the fucking question, Regulus! Did you help kill those people?”
“I d-dont want to talk about that here, James The dream space-.” He said softly, staring at his feet.
“I'm so sick of that damn excuse Regulus. Fuck the dream space. Just tell me the truth!”
“Then you should have just come to see me in the real world!” Regulus yelled, closing his eyes. “ I can't fight with you here. Just drop it. Please.”
“I need to know if you helped kill those people, Regulus.” James said softly, pain twisting on his face. The dunes were solid black, the sky a cloudy mess. The dream space was slipping out of control, dangerously similar to the night Regulus had first gotten his Dark Mark. Fear welled inside him.
“James please.” If they didn't stop he would loose control. Thunder boomed.
“Regulus just tell me.” James pleaded.
“James.” The sand around his feet was writhing. The edges of the dream were beginning to blur.
“Regulus-”
“No, ok! There wasn't even an attack planned.” Regulus snapped, tears pooling in his eyes. “I was just meeting with Lucius there. He's going to have a kid I'm supposed to be it's God Father or something. Some Order members showed up and things got out of hand. None of it was supposed to happen.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I didn't kill anyone, I swear.” Regulus said, his hands balling up in the front of his own shirt, trying to keep the dream together.
James stared at him. It was the same look he had when Regulus had just been sorted into Slytherin. He had glanced across the Great Hall, at his brother, and James. And that was the look. “How can I believe you?” A whisper.
The last of the control shattered.
Regulus stumbled backward, the sand twisting around him. “Yesssss, Regulussss.” A Hissing voice said. A cloaked figure rose out of the sand, running his hands into Regulus's hair. “How can he trusssst you? You are soooo full of secretsss.”
James took a step back, his eyes wide. “Regulus....the dream....”
“Stop it.” Regulus said weakly, closing his eyes.
“He doessssn't even know about your test.” The figure said. “Doessssn't even know about the boy who have to kill. That'sss why you wouldn't write him back. You couldn't face him knowing you had to kill one of his precioussss little friends.”
Regulus let out a sob.
“He's jusssst like Sirius. He'll ssseee you for what you really are. He'll see the ssstain on your soul. He'll hate you. Your fear, your weakness. You are broken and he'll never forgive you.” The figure cooed, running his hands through Regulus's hair.
“I said stop.” Regulus sobbed, pulling at his hair. Lightning crashed around them, dangerously close.
“Jussst think. When you kill him, Jamessss will never, ever look at you again. You're going to kill Remus Lupin, or you are going to die.”
“I said STOP!” Regulus shouted. the lions burst from the sand and ripping the figure off of him. There was a hissing scream as the figure fell in ribbons on the sand. Blood stained the dunes.
“Regulus.” James whispered, taking a step towards him. The lions turned and growled, baring their teeth at James, trying desperately to protect Regulus.
“We're in Carlsbad Cavern.” Regulus said quickly. “I took you there before. The first time, with Sirius, remember? Help me, James. I.....I....” He took a deep breath. “We're in Carlsbad Caverns, and there's low light from the floor and there's a huge pillar of stone they call the temple of the sun. And there's a drop off that leads to the lower caverns. Over a mile of uncharted cave, in eternal darkness.” He muttered to himself, forcing the dream back under his control, forming the cavern around them.
James rushed forward and grabbed Regulus by the shoulders, his eyes searching for answers. “Regulus, you....you have to kill Remus?”
Regulus curled his fingers in James's shirt. “They say I have to be tested. To prove I'm loyal. They know...they know how my brother feels for him. The Dark Lord wants proof that I can betray my brother, kill the person he loves.” Tears still ran down his face. “I can't sleep anymore James. All I can see is Lupin's face and how happy Sirius looks when he's near him.”
“...what are you going to do?” James asked softly, his eyes wide.
“I don't know. But I....need to end the dream now, James. It's too unstable.” The lions paced back and forth over the rocks, nervous. “Please just....try....try to trust me.” He whispered and the dream ended.
I am surrounded by the whispering dark.
When I was younger I wanted to much, James. I didn't even know what I wanted. I just wanted more. I wanted to go more places and see more people and feel more things. I wanted so much it hurt to breath, laying in bed wanting things I couldn't name. I wanted, and I felt that someday I would be able to reach out and have those unnameable things, if only I tried hard enough. I would give anything to feel that way again. Now I just want without hope.
I am faced with a choice James. I can't pass my test. I can't rip my brother's feeble happiness away from him. I know things that I can't know, deep secrets and half guesses.
I'm glad you ate my heart, James, before it rotted out of my chest. I'll give you one last chance to save me. Please don't let me down.
James looked agitated, pacing the leaf littered forest floor. Regulus conceded that even without his charming smile, James Potter was stunning, and his only remaining hope. It had been 2 weeks since they had spoken, and while Remus Lupin was still alive, something felt broken between them. It ripped at Regulus's soul.
“You missed my birthday.” Regulus said softly, sitting on a tree branch, watching squirrels.
“You sent an owl to Sirius.” James said, looking over at him. “He burned the letter without reading it.”
Regulus jumped out of his tree and kicked a rock hard, sending it flying across the clearing. “Because Sirius is a damn fool. That's not surprising.” He muttered and looked back at James. “I figured he would though.” He ran a hand through his hair. “James....”
“Reg, I need to know....” James started. His face looked so worn, like he was 10 years older than he was supposed to be. The distance between them felt immense.
“I can't kill Lupin.” Regulus finished. “And when the Dark Lord realizes that, yes, he'll probably try to kill me. I have a few plans to avoid that though” He said. Regulus, the Lion Heart, trying to be brave, looked James in the eye and took a deep breath. “James....I need....” He stopped. It was too hard. He felt like he was laying bare his soul, the last of his hope, the only piece of himself not already consumed by the dark.
“James.” Regulus started again, closing his eyes. “Remember...every time I saw you before I had my mark...you would ask me to run away with you?” He whispered, walking forward until he grabbed the front of James's shirt.
“Yes. You always said you wouldn't.” James replied.
Regulus looked up at him, his eyes burning. “Run away with me.” He said. “I...I need to get out of the country. Probably all of Europe. I can't go alone. I need you, Jamie.” I need you to save me.
Panic flashed over James's face. “Regulus....why...why does it have to be me?” He asked, his hands grasping Regulus's arms. Regulus's heart twisted.
“Because James...I...” love you. I've never said it to you. But I love you. I'm just so afraid you won't say it back. “Just say you will James. You always offered before.”
“Regulus, Lily...” James said, as though trying to explain something that should be obvious.
“You've been cheating on her for years, James!” Regulus said, beginning to get desperate. “ Who gives a crap?”
“Just in the dreams. You said it didn't count if it was in the dreams.” James said as though he too felt like he was going to panic, like the thought of cheating on Lily for nearly four years terrified him. “ It's...none of this is real Regulus. I can't just....damn.”
“But....but....” But I love you James. “But I want it to be real.” You're my last hope. “I....I need it to be real, James.” If it's not real then I haven't seen you in two years, James. If it's not real then you haven't smiled at me since I was 11. If it's not real then what do I have left? Just a half-hearted plan to be a boy worthy of you, and a death I can't avoid. Regulus fought the urge to start crying.
“Regulus....” James said, the pain thick in his voice. “Lily...Lily is pregnant. We're getting married. I was going to tell you last time but....”
Regulus took a step back, pushing himself away from James. “She's what?” No, James. No, no...you can't have a family.
“Pregnant. About 3 months.” James said, his hands traveling to his hair, obviously trying to keep calm. “I can't run out on her Regulus. You...you have to understand.” And Regulus did understand. He and James would not run away together. James was going to get married and there was nothing he could do about it. No amount of crying or begging would change that. James was far to noble. It was a lost cause.
“I...I'm sorry James.” Regulus said softly, staring at his feet. “I guess...goodbye. Tell Sirius I say goodbye too.”
“No, no, Regulus. There has to be some other way.” James said. He was scared. “What are your other plans? I can help. Please, Reggie.” Plan B; try to be someone worthy of James, try to be a boy Sirius would be proud to have as a brother, face his death as a hero. It wasn't the plan he wanted, but it was all that was left. Without James and Sirius's help his running wouldn't work anyway. They would find him no matter where he ran if he tried without help.
Regulus looked straight up at James, his eyes red. “I love you. Don't come looking for me.”
I thought you might come and try to find me, James. But you didn't. I guess that's a good thing. I know you can't abandon that damn Evans girl and her baby. You're far too noble for that.
So I'll face the whispering dark alone, and I'll try to prove just how lion hearted I am.
Deep beneath Carlsbad caverns there's over a mile of uncharted caves and endless pools in the never ending whispering dark. Regulus could feel the icy water sliding into his lungs and somehow he knew that's where his dream had taken him.
I'll never really see this place.
He'd fallen asleep once, pulled into the water by icy hands, unable to fight, watching as Kreacher disappeared without him just like he asked. Sometimes those he cared about were too good at listening to him.
It's such a shame.
He closed his eyes and waited to fall asleep, into a dream within a dream, knowing he would never again wake up.
I bet it's prettier in real life.
And so the darkness took him.
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
“He got most of the details right.” James said, walking along the cave path. Sirius hadn't spoken yet.
It had been three days since Regulus's ring had turned black. Sirius didn't even ask James how he had gotten it. He just sat in his arm chair, holding his little brother's ring in his hand and cried. James had never seen Sirius cry like that before, curled up with sobs tearing out of his chest like an open wound, trying to choke out his brother's name. He wouldn't move until Remus pulled him to bed.
After two days of Sirius not speaking, James finally grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “We're going to Carlsbad.” He said, taking the ring out of Sirius's hand. “We'll take this ring there and say good bye.” Sirius had looked up and nodded mutely. He understood. They would take the last piece of Regulus they had to a place he always wanted to go, but never got to and there they would have to let him go. Neither of them would be able to face the war again until it was done.
James felt numb. He hadn't been able to cry for Regulus yet. The weight of his death, the guilt of it was too heavy. If only he knew how it had happened. If only he knew what Regulus's plan B had been, and how it had gone wrong, if it had at all.
They walked in silence, down into the caves until they reached the sink hole where a small plastic sign alerted them that below was the passage to the uncharted area of the caverns.
James handed Sirius the ring.
“Good bye, Little brother.” Sirius whispered and dropped the ring into the whispering dark. He turned and began to walk away slowly, like a dead man trying to remember how to walk, leaving James alone by the railing.
James watched the ring sink, the black diamond slipping out of view. “I loved you.” He closed his eyes. “Good bye, Reg.”
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Oh my sweet merciful magical Merlin. I thought I'd never finish this chapter. I'm sure you noticed that it's about twice as long as the other two. Regulus is a bit long winded you see, and a lot had to happen in this chapter and I didn't want to have to split it up into 2.
But this is the end. Hope it wasn't too rough on you.
For Chapter 2 go [here]
So here it is, the final chapter. Sorry it took so long to get to you. Best of luck with it.
Also fun fact: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Son's is the perfect song for James and Regulus.
X x x x x x x
There are fish that live at the bottom of the ocean that make little lights in the all consuming darkness. They flash those little lights like candles in a storm, drawing smaller fish to them, and the little fish feel like they are being saved just as they are eaten. Some times I think you're like those fish, James. I'm hypnotized by you, the only little light in this world full of crushing darkness. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true.
My father is dead, my mother is loosing her mind, my brother has left me and every day I wear the Dark Lords brand on my arm and every day I'm more and more worried that I made a mistake. These are my weak and private thoughts.
Every few weeks I get your letters, with your messy script telling me that you're at the Hogs Head Inn that night and I instantly get rush of relief. Your smile could melt the ice caps, James. I'm worried that you're too good to be true. I'm worried that you'll eat my heart.
James's hair spread out on the thick rug like a halo above his head. Regulus was idly tracing his fingers along his bare chest, the fire light dancing across their skin. Neither of them spoke.
The fireplace was lined with stone, burning bright and warm. The rest of the room was wood except for the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the ocean, still in the dim moon light. It was a place James had dreamed up, tugging at the dream space until it was just perfect.
With anyone else, changing the dream space threatened to pull Regulus into nightmares, but James was strong enough to keep the dream coherent on his own. It only added to James's charm.
“You're quiet.” Regulus said softly. It was rare for James to be so silent, always filling the conversation with idle chit chat that Regulus had never really managed to imitate.
“I don't want to talk about it, Reg.” James replied, his fingers running through Regulus's hair.
“Order business.” Regulus said softly and let out a sigh. James nodded mutely. “Then let's forget it.” He pulled himself up even with James's face and kissed him softly. “We don't think about Order business in my dreams. Remember?”
“I remember.” James said softly.
I don't want to be in love with you James. You're with that Evans girl, you're my brother's best friend, you're an Order member, naïve and trusting and noble to a fault. You've never said you love me. I've never said I love you. We are not “in love”. Yet I do love you.
I wonder if you realize how much you mean to me. No one else can control the dreams like you can, and I think it's probably because even when you aren't here, I dream about you anyway.
“I'm sending you a present, by the way.” Regulus said. “You'll get it in a day or so.” He was sitting with his back against the railing of a rundown sun deck, an ocean of glittering city lights sparkling below them. They were at the highest point of the neighborhood, gnarled oak trees clawing at the bleached out summer stars.
“ Present?” James said, sitting on top of the railing, looking down at Regulus. “What for?”
“Do I need a reason?” Regulus huffed, blushing. He pulled a small ring out of his pocket and handed it up to James. The white gold was inset with a single diamond, the band inscribed with a single curling R. “You'll get the real one by Owl.”
“Is this...your family ring?” James asked, surprised.
“Yes. The diamond will stay clear as long as I'm in good health. Red means I'm sick or in danger. Black means I'm dead. If you're my brother and you get disowned from the family the Diamond turns to graphite.” Regulus explained.
“That's rather morbid, Reggie.” James said, his fingers curling around the ring.
Regulus shrugged. “Well, this way if I stop answering your owls, you'll know whether I'm dead or just ignoring you.” He smirked.
“Like I said.” James snorted and hopped off the railing. “Morbid.” He grinned and grabbed Regulus by the arm, pulling him up and into a kiss. “I'll have to hide this from Sirius.” He laughed.
I used to believe in all the propaganda and ideologies my parents shoved on me, James. I used to eat it up. Yes, I am special by blood. Yes, those people who burned our ancestors, those ridiculous ignorant muggles, were below me. Yes, I should do the family proud, because I was Regulus, the Little King. You were just a stupid, albeit charming and beautiful blood traitor who didn't know any better.
Maybe I was wrong.
Sirius saw the darkness in me James. He saw it and it drove him away. He's given up on me now and it hurts so damn much. I miss my brother. We fell apart. I'm worried that, even when things are good between us, that we're falling apart too. You'll see in darkness in me eventually and it will drive you away. I'm terrified.
They were walking down a dusty road in the shadow of a mountain, elephant gourds and Yucca plants growing in the ruts on either side.
“Where will this road lead?” James asked, absently wiping a bit of dirt off his glasses. He seemed distracted.
“It leads to a smaller hiking trail that heads towards the top of the mountain.” Regulus said as he kicked a rock a head of him. “My uncle went on vacation here. Along with some pictures, he sent a map of the hiking trails.” He explained and looked over at James.
He found it hard to look away. James, with his thin face and messy black hair and those deep brown eyes and the fluid way in which he walked and how his glasses always sat just a little lop sided on his face and his smile, (yes, mostly his smile), made his heart squirm. Each thing by itself rather common place, but together impossible to turn away from. Regulus always found himself, for lack of a better word and at risk of sounding terribly corny, absolutely captivated by him. Today though that smile, the icing on the cake, was missing.
“...you're upset today.” Regulus noted, looking back at the road ahead of them. “I thought we agreed not to dwell on Order business here.”
James scowled. “I'm trying Reg.” He muttered. “But two of my friends got murdered yesterday. Forgive me for being damn sullen.”
“If it makes you feel better,” Regulus added. “some of my friends died yesterday too. Those Prewett brothers were nasty fighters.”
“And now they're dead.” James snapped. “And there aren't even bodies to bury.” He shoved his hands in his pockets the way he did when he was upset and sat down, willing a chair to mold itself out of the rocks in the dream space. “And why would that make me feel better, dammit?”
Regulus turned to him. “We agreed we wouldn't think about the war here, James. If you were this upset, you shouldn't have come.” He said. “Talk like that could pull the dream into nightmare space.”
“Were you there?” James asked softly, burying his head in his hands. “Did you help them kill Gideon and Fabian, Regulus? Please. ”
Regulus fought against the dream space as it struggled to wrap him in the death eater cloak he had hanging in his closet. James's mind was too strong for him though. He just barely managed to rip off the mask before the other boy noticed. “No James.” He said, kneeling in front of him. “I'm still a student. They don't send me out for things like that.”
“Really?” James looked at him.
“James, I don't turn 17 for a month. I can't even apparate yet.” Regulus gave him a weak smile. “Besides, for jobs like that I'd need to prove myself somehow. I'm pretty much a grunt at this point.”
“Do you still believe in this, Regulus?”
Regulus stared back at him and took a deep breath. “I still think that we are better than Muggles, yes. I still think that we have to walk through the shadows to reach the sun, to take our proper place in the world, and that it won't be easy. It's a revolution, James. We are the shepherds of the magical world. I believe that. But...” He trailed off.
“But?” A hopeful glimmer appeared in James's eye.
“But...nothing. Life time of service or death, James. Second guessing will get me killed. Now PLEASE. There's a storm forming over the mountains and rattlesnakes have been popping up along the road around us. The dream is getting...you know. ” Regulus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Can we PLEASE just go for a walk?”
I want this to be real. I want the places we go and the things we do to actually exist. James, I'm so tired of all the good things in my life being dreams. I want to hold your hand and walk down a beach in real life. I want to rent a fancy hotel room and order room service and stay up all night drinking champagne with you. I want to walk down a dirt road in the mountains and for once not know where it will lead me. I want to see my brother again. I want there to be no war. I want you to kiss me when you're awake. I want things to be right.
Things are so, so wrong right now. You have no idea.
The darkness in me is growing. Everything is crumbling. I want you to save me, but I don't know how to tell you that.
“Catch me.” Regulus said and fell backwards out of the red oak and into James's arms. James was in a playful mood that day, refusing to put Regulus down after he caught him and laughing happily. It was a strained sort of laugh. Regulus could tell that underneath it, James was upset again. There had been another attack the night before. Two muggle born houses had burned in a village down south. But James was trying hard, for him.
“We both keep growing up so fast.” James said, holding Regulus against his chest. “To think, you're 17 now. Legal at last.” He tried to sound happy but the truth was 17 meant that Regulus was graduating soon, that he could apparate soon, that Regulus might move up in the ranks soon. Regulus might go from a hypothetical to a very real enemy very soon.
“Feel like less of a pervert now?” Regulus said, smirking at him dangerously. “You've been dream buggering your best friend's little brother for nearly two years now James. One more birthday doesn't make you less of a perv.” He teased, keeping the conversation light, happy. It was his birthday, dammit, and he was going to enjoy it, regardless of it's implications.
James laughed, dropping Regulus on his feet and burying his fingers in the other boy's hair. “You're beautiful, Regulus.” He whispered. “Your eyes burn.”
Regulus snorted, his cheeks pink. “What a stupid thing to say, James. Honestly.” James's rough fingers in his hair, on his scalp, slipping behind his ears made him feel weak in the knees. “You're dumb.”
“I agree.” The dream space rippled. The leaves on the trees bleached from green to red. Regulus turned, face to face with Severus Snape.
“Snivilus.” James said, his eyes wide, dropping his hands to the side. “Reg, is this a joke?”
“Severus, what are you doing here?” Regulus hissed. He had gone dream walking with Severus a few times, but always, always under the understanding that Severus would be invited first. This was the real Severus though, no doubts. He was a real presence, not a distortion of the dream. “You forced your way into my dream?”
“You're dream walking with James Potter?” Severus demanded, grabbing Regulus's wrist. “I came because I wanted to talk to you and I find you dream walking with James Potter?”
“You can't just force your way into my dreams, Severus!” Regulus said. “We agreed you wouldn't do that.”
“That was when I thought you were just dreaming about Potter. Not actually bringing him here.” Severus spat, tightening his grip on Regulus's wrist. “He is an enemy.” He hissed. “He nearly killed me, you know that.”
“I saved your life!” James protested.
“Severus, get out of my dream.” Regulus said coldly, ripping his arm away from the older boy. All his cheer was gone. He was back to the way he was at school, distant and aloof and in control. Underneath is his blood boiled. How dare Severus break into his dream, his private time with James. He put up with Severus's drama for years in school, listening to him cry and moan about Lily Bloody Evans, and Severus had the audacity to break into his dreams and judge him for his time with James? His patience was suddenly completely gone.
“No, we need to talk.” Severus said. “And drop the high and mighty act.” He snarled. “Bringing Potter here is dangerous.”
“Then we will talk in the morning. Get out.” Regulus replied, his eyes flashing dangerously. “When you have my permission.”
“Make me. I could tell Lucius about this. Potter will be a class A priority by the end of the week. And you Regulus-” A threat. Severus was threatening him. That was the final straw. Severus was a half blooded whiny runt, and here he was threatening HIM, the heir to one of the last great wizarding families? Threatening James?
“GET OUT!” Regulus roared. Two lions, each more than waist high to Regulus, leaped out from behind the trees, growling at Snape. They walked to Regulus's side, saliva dripping from their teeth. “This is MY dream, and who I bring here and what I do is not your business, Severus Snape. Do not test me, and do not threaten me. If you want me dead, then tell Lucius. See if I care. But remember who in school would actually listen to you cry over Evans.”
Severus stared at him, seething with rage. Finally he muttered “We will talk in the morning.” and slipped away in smoke, giving one last dirty look at James.
Regulus sat on the ground still fuming, one of his lions laying it's head in his lap.
“Lions?” James said softly.
Regulus nodded, rubbing one of the cats behind the ear. “Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation Leo, right in the Lion's heart. Rather ironic name for the heir to the Black family, but there you have it. Though my parents were thinking of the Latin translation, Little King.” He explained, smiling a little. “The Lions just sort of...find me, in my dreams if I need them. They're my patronus too.”
“Your family is weird with names. Still, Regulus the Lion heart. I like it.” James sat down next to him, petting the lions as well. “So....Snape.”
Regulus groaned, leaning back against the larger lion, burying his hands in the cat's mane. “He's a friend James. He taught me how to do this, if you remember. I've gone dream walking with him a few times. I forgot he's also a nosy asshole who hates you.”
“I didn't realize you two were so...close.” James said.
Regulus snorted. “Who do you think he ran too when Evans and he had their fight to end all fights in 5th year? Or who he went to when my brother nearly killed him in 6th year? Who else do you think had the patience to deal with his drama?” He said and closed his eyes. “Severus won't rat me out. Who else would listen to him whine?” Regulus smirked at that, looking dangerous. “Now come here and kiss me. It's my birthday” He paused “...Please.” His voice grew soft, like he was terrified James would say no.
I can't sleep anymore, James. I try, and I try, but I just can't sleep unless I know you'll be there waiting. I'll go weeks and weeks, waiting for your owls, waiting to sleep. I lay in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, trying not to blink, trying to remember how to breath. The insomnia is horrifying. Every time I close my eyes I see his face, the face of the boy they've told me to kill.
Snape, the traitor, told Lucius I needed to be tested, and so here I am. He didn't tell them why I needed to be tested, just that it had to be done. I have a month or two before they'll really push a time table on me, but I may die from insomnia by then anyway. The war is growing. There are more attacks each week, more people, on both sides, die every day. I find myself caught up in raids I'm not supposed to be at and all the while I'm supposed to be plotting murder.
When the owls come lately, I can't even gather up the courage to answer them. I'm going to break soon, but I'm afraid. What am I going to do? I'm loosing my mind, James. I can't tell you. Why can't you see? I'm not that good at lying.
Regulus was sitting on a white sand dune, the wind catching his hair. The gypsum sand spread out for miles and miles, oddly out of place in the high New Mexican desert.
“You know, it's a damn good thing you gave me that ring of yours Regulus. It's been nearly 6 months since you've answered an owl. Nice to know your avoiding me and not just dead in a ditch somewhere.” James said, standing behind him, his hands balled into fists. “Now answer me.”
Regulus was staring out over the sand expressionlessly. “We agreed not to talk about the war in the dream space, James. You know it's dangerous.”
“Fuck that, Reg. Answer me. Frank and Alice both said they saw you in Diagon ally the night it burned. Five people are dead.”
“I refuse to discuss that with you here.” Regulus said softly. His heart was pounding. This was the first time he had slept at all in nearly a month, and deeply in nearly 6, and James was going to screw it up. He just wanted to lay in the white sand with James.
“Did you help kill them?” James snapped, gritting his teeth together. Regulus's heart rate picked up. “God dammit Regulus! It was Christmas eve!”
“James.” He said softly and turned to look at him. Please, James. Just let me be happy right now. I'm never happy any more. He thought desperately.
“Did you help kill them?!” He repeated, walking towards him. He reached down and grabbed Regulus's collar, hauling him up to face him. The dream space shook. Black began to seep into the sands, clouds rolling overhead. “Answer the fucking question, Regulus! Did you help kill those people?”
“I d-dont want to talk about that here, James The dream space-.” He said softly, staring at his feet.
“I'm so sick of that damn excuse Regulus. Fuck the dream space. Just tell me the truth!”
“Then you should have just come to see me in the real world!” Regulus yelled, closing his eyes. “ I can't fight with you here. Just drop it. Please.”
“I need to know if you helped kill those people, Regulus.” James said softly, pain twisting on his face. The dunes were solid black, the sky a cloudy mess. The dream space was slipping out of control, dangerously similar to the night Regulus had first gotten his Dark Mark. Fear welled inside him.
“James please.” If they didn't stop he would loose control. Thunder boomed.
“Regulus just tell me.” James pleaded.
“James.” The sand around his feet was writhing. The edges of the dream were beginning to blur.
“Regulus-”
“No, ok! There wasn't even an attack planned.” Regulus snapped, tears pooling in his eyes. “I was just meeting with Lucius there. He's going to have a kid I'm supposed to be it's God Father or something. Some Order members showed up and things got out of hand. None of it was supposed to happen.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I didn't kill anyone, I swear.” Regulus said, his hands balling up in the front of his own shirt, trying to keep the dream together.
James stared at him. It was the same look he had when Regulus had just been sorted into Slytherin. He had glanced across the Great Hall, at his brother, and James. And that was the look. “How can I believe you?” A whisper.
The last of the control shattered.
Regulus stumbled backward, the sand twisting around him. “Yesssss, Regulussss.” A Hissing voice said. A cloaked figure rose out of the sand, running his hands into Regulus's hair. “How can he trusssst you? You are soooo full of secretsss.”
James took a step back, his eyes wide. “Regulus....the dream....”
“Stop it.” Regulus said weakly, closing his eyes.
“He doessssn't even know about your test.” The figure said. “Doessssn't even know about the boy who have to kill. That'sss why you wouldn't write him back. You couldn't face him knowing you had to kill one of his precioussss little friends.”
Regulus let out a sob.
“He's jusssst like Sirius. He'll ssseee you for what you really are. He'll see the ssstain on your soul. He'll hate you. Your fear, your weakness. You are broken and he'll never forgive you.” The figure cooed, running his hands through Regulus's hair.
“I said stop.” Regulus sobbed, pulling at his hair. Lightning crashed around them, dangerously close.
“Jussst think. When you kill him, Jamessss will never, ever look at you again. You're going to kill Remus Lupin, or you are going to die.”
“I said STOP!” Regulus shouted. the lions burst from the sand and ripping the figure off of him. There was a hissing scream as the figure fell in ribbons on the sand. Blood stained the dunes.
“Regulus.” James whispered, taking a step towards him. The lions turned and growled, baring their teeth at James, trying desperately to protect Regulus.
“We're in Carlsbad Cavern.” Regulus said quickly. “I took you there before. The first time, with Sirius, remember? Help me, James. I.....I....” He took a deep breath. “We're in Carlsbad Caverns, and there's low light from the floor and there's a huge pillar of stone they call the temple of the sun. And there's a drop off that leads to the lower caverns. Over a mile of uncharted cave, in eternal darkness.” He muttered to himself, forcing the dream back under his control, forming the cavern around them.
James rushed forward and grabbed Regulus by the shoulders, his eyes searching for answers. “Regulus, you....you have to kill Remus?”
Regulus curled his fingers in James's shirt. “They say I have to be tested. To prove I'm loyal. They know...they know how my brother feels for him. The Dark Lord wants proof that I can betray my brother, kill the person he loves.” Tears still ran down his face. “I can't sleep anymore James. All I can see is Lupin's face and how happy Sirius looks when he's near him.”
“...what are you going to do?” James asked softly, his eyes wide.
“I don't know. But I....need to end the dream now, James. It's too unstable.” The lions paced back and forth over the rocks, nervous. “Please just....try....try to trust me.” He whispered and the dream ended.
I am surrounded by the whispering dark.
When I was younger I wanted to much, James. I didn't even know what I wanted. I just wanted more. I wanted to go more places and see more people and feel more things. I wanted so much it hurt to breath, laying in bed wanting things I couldn't name. I wanted, and I felt that someday I would be able to reach out and have those unnameable things, if only I tried hard enough. I would give anything to feel that way again. Now I just want without hope.
I am faced with a choice James. I can't pass my test. I can't rip my brother's feeble happiness away from him. I know things that I can't know, deep secrets and half guesses.
I'm glad you ate my heart, James, before it rotted out of my chest. I'll give you one last chance to save me. Please don't let me down.
James looked agitated, pacing the leaf littered forest floor. Regulus conceded that even without his charming smile, James Potter was stunning, and his only remaining hope. It had been 2 weeks since they had spoken, and while Remus Lupin was still alive, something felt broken between them. It ripped at Regulus's soul.
“You missed my birthday.” Regulus said softly, sitting on a tree branch, watching squirrels.
“You sent an owl to Sirius.” James said, looking over at him. “He burned the letter without reading it.”
Regulus jumped out of his tree and kicked a rock hard, sending it flying across the clearing. “Because Sirius is a damn fool. That's not surprising.” He muttered and looked back at James. “I figured he would though.” He ran a hand through his hair. “James....”
“Reg, I need to know....” James started. His face looked so worn, like he was 10 years older than he was supposed to be. The distance between them felt immense.
“I can't kill Lupin.” Regulus finished. “And when the Dark Lord realizes that, yes, he'll probably try to kill me. I have a few plans to avoid that though” He said. Regulus, the Lion Heart, trying to be brave, looked James in the eye and took a deep breath. “James....I need....” He stopped. It was too hard. He felt like he was laying bare his soul, the last of his hope, the only piece of himself not already consumed by the dark.
“James.” Regulus started again, closing his eyes. “Remember...every time I saw you before I had my mark...you would ask me to run away with you?” He whispered, walking forward until he grabbed the front of James's shirt.
“Yes. You always said you wouldn't.” James replied.
Regulus looked up at him, his eyes burning. “Run away with me.” He said. “I...I need to get out of the country. Probably all of Europe. I can't go alone. I need you, Jamie.” I need you to save me.
Panic flashed over James's face. “Regulus....why...why does it have to be me?” He asked, his hands grasping Regulus's arms. Regulus's heart twisted.
“Because James...I...” love you. I've never said it to you. But I love you. I'm just so afraid you won't say it back. “Just say you will James. You always offered before.”
“Regulus, Lily...” James said, as though trying to explain something that should be obvious.
“You've been cheating on her for years, James!” Regulus said, beginning to get desperate. “ Who gives a crap?”
“Just in the dreams. You said it didn't count if it was in the dreams.” James said as though he too felt like he was going to panic, like the thought of cheating on Lily for nearly four years terrified him. “ It's...none of this is real Regulus. I can't just....damn.”
“But....but....” But I love you James. “But I want it to be real.” You're my last hope. “I....I need it to be real, James.” If it's not real then I haven't seen you in two years, James. If it's not real then you haven't smiled at me since I was 11. If it's not real then what do I have left? Just a half-hearted plan to be a boy worthy of you, and a death I can't avoid. Regulus fought the urge to start crying.
“Regulus....” James said, the pain thick in his voice. “Lily...Lily is pregnant. We're getting married. I was going to tell you last time but....”
Regulus took a step back, pushing himself away from James. “She's what?” No, James. No, no...you can't have a family.
“Pregnant. About 3 months.” James said, his hands traveling to his hair, obviously trying to keep calm. “I can't run out on her Regulus. You...you have to understand.” And Regulus did understand. He and James would not run away together. James was going to get married and there was nothing he could do about it. No amount of crying or begging would change that. James was far to noble. It was a lost cause.
“I...I'm sorry James.” Regulus said softly, staring at his feet. “I guess...goodbye. Tell Sirius I say goodbye too.”
“No, no, Regulus. There has to be some other way.” James said. He was scared. “What are your other plans? I can help. Please, Reggie.” Plan B; try to be someone worthy of James, try to be a boy Sirius would be proud to have as a brother, face his death as a hero. It wasn't the plan he wanted, but it was all that was left. Without James and Sirius's help his running wouldn't work anyway. They would find him no matter where he ran if he tried without help.
Regulus looked straight up at James, his eyes red. “I love you. Don't come looking for me.”
I thought you might come and try to find me, James. But you didn't. I guess that's a good thing. I know you can't abandon that damn Evans girl and her baby. You're far too noble for that.
So I'll face the whispering dark alone, and I'll try to prove just how lion hearted I am.
Deep beneath Carlsbad caverns there's over a mile of uncharted caves and endless pools in the never ending whispering dark. Regulus could feel the icy water sliding into his lungs and somehow he knew that's where his dream had taken him.
I'll never really see this place.
He'd fallen asleep once, pulled into the water by icy hands, unable to fight, watching as Kreacher disappeared without him just like he asked. Sometimes those he cared about were too good at listening to him.
It's such a shame.
He closed his eyes and waited to fall asleep, into a dream within a dream, knowing he would never again wake up.
I bet it's prettier in real life.
And so the darkness took him.
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
“He got most of the details right.” James said, walking along the cave path. Sirius hadn't spoken yet.
It had been three days since Regulus's ring had turned black. Sirius didn't even ask James how he had gotten it. He just sat in his arm chair, holding his little brother's ring in his hand and cried. James had never seen Sirius cry like that before, curled up with sobs tearing out of his chest like an open wound, trying to choke out his brother's name. He wouldn't move until Remus pulled him to bed.
After two days of Sirius not speaking, James finally grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “We're going to Carlsbad.” He said, taking the ring out of Sirius's hand. “We'll take this ring there and say good bye.” Sirius had looked up and nodded mutely. He understood. They would take the last piece of Regulus they had to a place he always wanted to go, but never got to and there they would have to let him go. Neither of them would be able to face the war again until it was done.
James felt numb. He hadn't been able to cry for Regulus yet. The weight of his death, the guilt of it was too heavy. If only he knew how it had happened. If only he knew what Regulus's plan B had been, and how it had gone wrong, if it had at all.
They walked in silence, down into the caves until they reached the sink hole where a small plastic sign alerted them that below was the passage to the uncharted area of the caverns.
James handed Sirius the ring.
“Good bye, Little brother.” Sirius whispered and dropped the ring into the whispering dark. He turned and began to walk away slowly, like a dead man trying to remember how to walk, leaving James alone by the railing.
James watched the ring sink, the black diamond slipping out of view. “I loved you.” He closed his eyes. “Good bye, Reg.”
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Oh my sweet merciful magical Merlin. I thought I'd never finish this chapter. I'm sure you noticed that it's about twice as long as the other two. Regulus is a bit long winded you see, and a lot had to happen in this chapter and I didn't want to have to split it up into 2.
But this is the end. Hope it wasn't too rough on you.