(no subject)
-Title- "Don't Let Me Sleep Tonight" ("Hands Down" pt. 2)
-Band/Pairing- Gerard Way/ Frank Iero references to Frank Iero/Mikey Way (all My Chemical Romance boys)
-Rating- R for language and references to sex
-Summary- oh no, what have you gone and done now?
-Authors notes or any other information- pt. 2 to the first. BAD MIKEY!
-Disclaimer- i do not own, nor do i know any of the real people mentioned (though i like to believe that i keep gerard chained to my bedposts and that i carry frankie around with me in my pocket for good luck). this DID NOT HAPPEN although i live in hope.
"I love you," was the first thing I heard as I woke up. Gerard's arm was around me and he was breathing heavily against my body. My shirt was gone and from what I could tell, he was only in his boxers. It reminded me of the first time we were ever together. I giggled.
"I love you too," I could hear his breathing in my ear. He had been wide awake for awhile, I could tell. I rolled away from him, as he was probably uncomfortable in the position he was in.
"Aww, why'd you have to move? I liked you like that," he said with a smile. I was facing him now. I liked it better this way. I felt matched to him, like we were equal. I put my hand on his face and kissed him, never for a moment wondering what time it was or where the other guys were. He sat up after he broke away from the kiss. He carefully climbed over me, pulled back the curtain and rolled off the bunk.
"Where you going?" I shielded my eyes from the bright morning sun.
"Breakfast, I'll be back in a minute."
"Okay, I'll be waiting," he batted his eyelashes at me and blew me a kiss. I reached over the side of the bunk and my hand found his shirt. I threw it at him as he walked away and it hit him on the back of the head. He swore loudly. I laughed. I saw him lean down and pick up the shirt, which he put on. I'm sure he was probably debating over whether to throw it back at me or not. As he made his way into the "kitchen", I rolled over and stared at the top of my bunk. Gerard and I had been open about our 'relationship' for about two months now. He had broken up with Bert a week or two after we had sex the first time. I laughed at the way I worded my thoughts. You don't just have sex with Gerard. It's not that simple. It's hard to describe. Your life is changed after you sleep with him the first time. It's like you find a part of you that you never knew you had. Maybe he gives a peice of himself away to everyone he has sex with, or something like that. Yeah, that's it. He gives a little bit of himself away every time he sleeps with someone new. But you have to be special to get a peice of him. I laughed again at how dirty that sounded.
"What's so funny?" he asked when he came back into the bunk area. I hadn't realized that he was standing there.
"Thinking about you."
"I'm funny?" he asked as he climbed back onto my bunk. He shoved a peice of toast in my mouth and closed the curtain behind himself.
"Thanks," I said, munching thoughtfully on the toast. "I was thinking about how long you and I have been together. About the first time we were actually together. How you taught me how to fuck guys, remember that?"
"I remember! You were so innocent. I screwed you up so bad," he smiled at his destructive acheivement.
"You're so accomplished."
"Am I?" he asked as he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. He tilted my head up to his and kissed my lips. I was still a little nervous sometimes when his kisses became anything more than closed-mouthed, this was one of these times. He parted my lips and rolled his tounge over my open mouth. I remember the first time he kissed me. He got mad at me because I jumped back when he pushed his tounge through my lips. I had never bothered to really taste him before, to place his flavour. I thought for a moment as I kissed him back. He tasted a little like vanilla yogurt...
"What's wrong?" he asked. I had started laughing and I didn't even realize it.
"Nothing, kiss me again."
"You're so distant sometimes Frankie," he drew a long white finger across my forehead. I'm sure that if he had a choice, he wouldnt've wanted to say that out loud. Gerard voiced his opinions a lot, sometimes without wanting to. He was very good at it.
I took his words into consideration as I pressed myself against him. I rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel him gently stroking the back of my neck as I fell asleep again.
* * *
"Where you going?" Gerard asked, nonplussed and not even looking up from the book he was reading. He brushed his hand over his forehead, removing the long black hair that had fallen into his eyes.
"Out," I replied, walking over and kissing him on the head. For what seemed like the thousandth time in the last two months, he didn't respond.
"To where?"
"Dunno," I shrugged.
"Who with?"
"Mikey," he stopped. He closed his book, which I saw was "Interview With The Vampire" by Anne Rice (come on, Gerard, you've read that novel more times than I can count. Surely you can find another book?) He looked at me.
"Why are you going out with my brother?" he asked, just suspicious enough for me to be suspicious of what he was suspicous of. My head hurt.
"'Cause he asked me to," I was starting to get annoyed. What buisness was it of his if I wanted to hang out with Mikey for an hour?
"Why'd he ask you to?"
"Because he's one of my best friends and I think I have the right to go out with him if I want! I'm over 18, mom."
"Fine, whatever. Go out, I don't care," he said coldly. As I left, I could've sworn I heard him mutter something about how "it doesn't even take an hour". I hated fighting with Gerard, especially about Mikey. He had been acting strangely around the subject of his brother lately, especially since he had found Gerard and I asleep on top of each other in a post-sex slump on my bunk. The poor kid had probably gotten an eyeful of both of us, and althought there was no talk of that situation, he had been jumpy and nervous around me. You never look at a man the same way again after you see his ass, I can tell you that much. He hadn't been treating Gerard any differently, after all, they've been living together for twenty-four years, they've probably walked in on each other naked for some reason or another more times than you could count on two hands. And who's to say that either one of them didn't like some of the encounters? Aren't the quiet ones supposed to also be the kinkiest? That would cover Mikey. And Gerard, well, he's Gerard. I rolled my eyes at my stupid thoughts and ran outside where Mikey was waiting in his gold-painted hybrid car.
"So," he asked as I climbed into the passenger seat. "Where do you wanna go?"
"I'm currently debating over coffee or alcohol. What time is it?" Mikey checked the clock on the dashboard.
"2:13" he answered and turned to look at me, awaiting my desicion.
"Bar?" I asked, leaving the deciding to him.
"Sounds good enough to me," he said as he started the engine of the car.
* * *
"Well, this is fun," Mikey said sarcastically as we watched a young couple about our age passionately gag each other with their tounges in the corner. He had taken off his glasses and I had pulled up my hood so that no one would recognize us in the bar. That didn't seem to be a problem. Mikey spun back around on his stool and motioned for the bartender to bring him anouther beer. He wasn't quite showing signs of drunkeness yet, but I knew that it was only a matter of time before he began acting stupidly.
"You too?" the bartender grunted at me. No thanks," I gestured with my hand to let him know I was fine. Besides, I like hard liquor better than beer anyway.
"So," Mikey broke the silence after another beer was delivered to him. "You're my brother's new fuck buddy?"
"I'm not his new fuck buddy," I said defensively. I've been finding myself being very defensive with the misters Way recently. "It's much more than that."
"Of course it is," he downed half of his beer and looked at me. "To you, maybe," he saw the expression on my face. "Don't look so shocked. Since when the hell did Gerard ever have sex because he was in love?"
"Things can change you know."
"Things can change, but they don't!" he slammed down his fist on the edge of the bar. I could feel the couple in the corner turn to stare at us. "That's the point! He can change his hair or his makeup or the person he's fucking or whatever, but he can never change who he is, as much as he tells himself he can! Listen," I turned away. I didn't want to be hearing this from him. He put his hand on my shoulder and jerked me back to look at him, more gentle than most men but as firm as any. "I'm just saying-"
"I don't wanna fucking hear what you're saying!" he fell silent for a minute before speaking again.
"Reconsider. Just think about it and reconsider," I thought for a second and then stood up. I didn't need this from Mikey, one of my best friends. Mikey, my boyfriend's brother. I stormed out of the bar. As I left, I could hear Mikey calling my name behind me. I didn't know where I was going, it was too far to walk back to the bus and I didn't have enough money to call a cab. I thought of Gerard. He would come pick me up. I turned to go inside to use the pay phone when I saw Mikey come out after me.
"Frank, I'm sorry," this reminded me of a certain significant day with Gerard. It didn't help that Mikey looked almost identical to his older brother without his glasses on.
"It's okay," I mumbled incoherantly and looked at my feet.
"What?" he put his hand under my chin and tilted it upward. He was taller than me. Taller than Gerard. I thought he might try to kiss me or something and pulled away. "What's wrong?" I stopped struggling. Mikey always made me want to hug something when I saw him. This was my chance.
I put my arms around him and squeezed, releasing the anger and tension that was welling up inside of me from the words he had spoken just minutes ago. I was the first to break away. There were tears in my eyes. I chewed on my lip ring and leaned against the car. When I turned back, he was biting down on his thumbnail. He always had a bad habit of biting his nails.
"Let's go," I shattered the voluminous silence.
"Okay," he pulled out his keys and unlocked the car.
"No, let me drive," I took the keys from him. He didn't protest.
We went home without a word. The silence picked at me as I drove. Mikey sensed how uncomfortable I was, but didn't do much because he was drunk. I pulled up to the side of the bus, turned the car off, and quietly sat to think.
"Frank," his voice said softly out of the dark.
"Mmhmm?" I mumbled, turning to face him. The second I turned to look him in the eye, I wished I hadn't. His lips collided with mine and before I could push him away, he had already thrown open the door and was running inside the bus. I collapsed against the seat. Oh fuck. What now? Gerard was going to kill me. Without thinking further, I pushed open the driver's side door and went inside. It was raining when I got out of the car and I was slightly wet, but it didn't matter because as soon as I opened the door to the bus, I was met by a gale of hot air. I looked around. Gerard was in the same position, book in hand, as before, just on the opposite side of the bus.
"Have fun?" he asked bitterly. My throat tightened as I thought that Mikey might have rushed in and told his brother that I had made an advance on him. Would Mikey do that? No, Mikey was too nice of a guy.
"Not really," I sat down next to him. "Mikey kinda turned into a jackass there at the end," I struggled to not tell him about what his little brother did.
"No shit, he's always a jackass when he's drunk, you know that. You wouldn't really expect it from that kid, would you?" he was right in a few different ways. I knew that Mikey always did stuff he regretted when he got hammered. I guess I had forgotten since he ad I hadn't gotten drunk alone together in awhile. Gerard was also right in saying that saying that it was unexpected from Mikey. His sweet disposition (unless angered or intoxicated, of course) and angelic appearance presented him as a cute teddy bear with glasses and an Anthrax t-shirt.
"It would've been better if you were there," I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He sighed and put his arm around me. Inside, I expelled air with relief too. If Gerard knew anything, he would've exploded at me already. I could hear his heavy breathing as he rested against me and buried his face in my shoulder.
* * *
That night was just a gigantic akward fiasco disgusing its self as an experience to pass the time. Gerard met me as I was going to take a shower after the show. He cornered me in the bathroom (okay, so I kind of let him) and before we knew it, we were having sex against the wall of the bathroom. It was different, though. We had done it in the bathroom many times before, but that night it was lacking something. He seemed kind of dead as he put his hands on me. When he kissed me it was cold. I looked into his eyes and they seemed empty of the creative spark I knew them so well for. When we were done, he put his clothes back on and apologized, kissing me on the cheek as he left. When he pulled the door open, I saw Mikey walk past the bathroom rubbing his eyes. I blinked. Gerard just apologized to me. It was difficult enough to get him to apologize for something he did, let alone something he didn't do. There was something wrong with the Way brothers.
As my eyes opened the next morning, I found that Gerard had climbed into bed with me. I remembered going to sleep alone. He was clinging to me tighter than ever. and I could fell the gentle expanding and contracting of his lungs against my body. I watched him sleep. This was a rare oppourtunity, as he always woke up before me. He breathed out, dispersing warm air around the contained bunk. I stretched my neck upwards and kissed his mouth. His eyelids fluttered for a moment and I feared that he would wake up. I didn't want him to wake, I wanted to capture this moment for as long as possible. He sighed and continued sleeping. Gerard was a very light sleeper and I figured something tremendous must be troubling him for him to alter his sleeping habits in the way he was. I tried not to think about it and went back to sleep.
When I woke again, Gerard had disappeared from the bunk area. Mikey and Bob were still asleep so I climbed out of bed and slipped on a shirt as carefully and quietly as possible. I walked on my toes into the kitchen where Gerard was sipping a cup of coffee and Ray was nowhere to be found. Gerard looked lonelier and more distant than usual. I sat down at the table opposite him.
"Hi," I said softly. He nodded but didn't say anything or evern look at me. "It's funny how I remember falling asleep alone last night but when I woke up this morning, you were there," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"Cute, huh?" he finally met my face. His eyes looked pained.
"Very," I reached out to touch him affectionately but at the same moment he stood up to put his coffee mug in the sink.
"Sorry," he said, rinsing out the cup. "I gotta go think. I'm writing something and, yeah..." his voice trailed off as he walked into the living room. I sat in silence for a minute, too shocked to move.
* * *
Over the next two weeks, I found it consistanly harder to look either of the two brothers directly in the eye. Gerard actually talked to me, but he kept the same strange, untrusting tone. One day as we were having one of our seemingly decreasing conversational periods, he ventured to bring up Mikey.
"Frankie?" he asked as his hand made its way up my inner thigh.
"What?" I moaned. He knew what he had to do to get a straight answer out of me. He knew that when there wasn't enough blood flowing to my brain that I would give him whatever information he wanted.
"What do you think's wrong with Mikey?" he grew silent.
"I don't know," I lied.
"No, seriously. You have to know," he sounded as if he was trying to contain a large amount of anger. "He won't talk to anyone about it. Fuck, he'll barely talk to anyone at all. And it all started that day that he went out with you."
"Are you trying to say that there's something going on between me and your brother?" I asked nervously. He knew, didn't he?
"No, I just wanted to know if you knew what the hell was up with him. Are you saying there is?"
"Do you think there is?" I managed to choke out.
"No, I mean... but I think that-"
"Oh my god," I said quietly. "You think I'm cheating on you with your brother."
"Fuck, Frank. I don't know what to think anymore," I was stunned. How could he not trust me this much? "Just tell me what the fuck's going on so that I don't have to guess."
I was quiet. He looked at me.
"So," he breathed. The silence in between his words was more deafening than ever. "You're with Mikey then."
"No!" I interjected to his question that was really more of a statement. "It's not like that! The other night," I paused.
"What about the other night?" he looked like he might cry. I didn't want to tell him, but I had to.
"The other night we got in a fight at the bar. Verbal, not physical," I quickly added when I saw the surprised look on his face (the idea of Mikey and I getting into a fistfight in a bar was humerous even to me).
"Over what?"
"Over you," I said softly. He didn't say anything. "So, um," I bit my lip. "Afterwards, we made up and I drove him home 'cause he was drunker than I was. We got to the bus and we were sitting in his car and he kind of kissed me," I turned to him. It was so silent between the two of us that I could practically hear his heart breaking. "You okay?"
"What happened then?" was all he said.
"He ran away. He ran away and I haven't talked to him outside shows since," we were both speechless. He said nothing until I finally spoke up. "Gee, I didn't mean for it to happen."
Gerard stood up and looked at me. "You're sorry that he kissed you? I don't fucking care about that. I can't believe you didn't fucking tell me! It wouldnt've been this bad if you would've just told me."
"I was afraid you would be mad."
"It was more Mikey's fault than yours! Mikey's in for the ass kicking of his life."
"Don't hurt him," I wimpered. "He was drunk."
"I don't fucking care what he was. He sould've kept his goddamned hands off!"
"Gerard, what does this mean?" I asked, fearful of the answer.
"Frank," he sighed. His hands were shaking and I knew that he was trying not to break down. "Frank, this means that... We can't do this anymore. It's over," he walked out and left me again, all alone and this time without even his memory.