(no subject)
So I haven't really waxed poetic on livejournal in ages. I'm thinking a year-end reflection is in order.
It's scary knowing I haven't changed a bit in an entire year. It's also scary knowing that I don't have to reflect a little bit to determine whether or not I've changed - I just know I haven't. It would be obscenely repetitive for me to say what hasn't changed about me. Because I'd be saying the same things as I've always been saying. And that would just... be... repetitive.
I think I want new friends. I want to do more new and interesting things with new and interesting people. Which probably makes me a horrible, horrible person. I just want to meet new people whose mannerisms I'm not already used to. Too bad I'm too socially retarded to be able to do anything about it.
I've probably said this before, but I despise plucking my eyebrows. The problem is, I'm too obsessive not to and if I just let them grow, then I'd look like a yeti. Really. Point is, it's just such a mind-crushingly boring and tedious affair.
I desperately need a job. A job that I won't hate, which is my problem. And I have absolutely zero work ethic. I'm really just lazy as shit and unwilling to think about working, even though I need money.
Pasta is absolutely delicious. I will never, ever, ever be sick of pasta.
My schedule for next year is one giant clusterfuck. I'm taking 5 or 6 APs and debate. I am masochistic beyond comprehension. And I'm going to die.
My indecisiveness terrifies me. I'll wake up in the morning and have a psychotic breakdown over whether or not it's a good idea wear the same pants I wore the day before. So, clearly, I still have no idea where I want to go to college, or what I want to focus on once I'm there. Rather, I have radically different ideas I toggle between on a daily basis. I just can't do it all. And if I hear, 'Oh, you still have a year to figure that out!' one more time I'm going to go unibomber all over the place. And then throw myself off the nearest high-rise. A year isn't enough time to figure out what the one thing is in life I can picture myself doing and actually enjoying. The longer I put off thinking about it, the more fucked I'll be in the end.
Yesterday my guidance counselor offhandedly asked me what I was considering majoring in. I laughed at her and then I felt bad.
Sometimes I just think it's because I'm too good at everything and hate everything at the same time, and that's exactly why I am terrible at making decisions. There are so many things I like and think I'm pretty talented at. That's not true, but I still think it. Right, anyway. But that no matter what I decide to do, I'll get horrendously sick of it soon enough, hence why I can't just limit myself to one thing for the rest of my life. Because I'll hate it.
I hate math. I never want to take another math class in my life. Ever.
I always remember people and I always know more about them than they think. Whenever I'm introduced to someone in any situation, I will always remember their name, and probably their last name and where they go to school and shit like that. There have been times when I've been introduced to the same person on several separate occasions, and I really just want to be like, 'Yeah, I met you twice already. But it's doubtful you remember me.' It makes me wonder if people remember things like that as much as I do, or if my uber-retentive memory is just indicative of my social ineptitude. Or something.
I really, really love naps. And sleeping. They're the two things I can always count on. Which is incredibly pathetic. I will probably spend my entire summer feeling sorry for myself and napping.
Oh yeah, and I still haven't seen Snakes on a Plane. WHAT THE EFF.
It's scary knowing I haven't changed a bit in an entire year. It's also scary knowing that I don't have to reflect a little bit to determine whether or not I've changed - I just know I haven't. It would be obscenely repetitive for me to say what hasn't changed about me. Because I'd be saying the same things as I've always been saying. And that would just... be... repetitive.
I think I want new friends. I want to do more new and interesting things with new and interesting people. Which probably makes me a horrible, horrible person. I just want to meet new people whose mannerisms I'm not already used to. Too bad I'm too socially retarded to be able to do anything about it.
I've probably said this before, but I despise plucking my eyebrows. The problem is, I'm too obsessive not to and if I just let them grow, then I'd look like a yeti. Really. Point is, it's just such a mind-crushingly boring and tedious affair.
I desperately need a job. A job that I won't hate, which is my problem. And I have absolutely zero work ethic. I'm really just lazy as shit and unwilling to think about working, even though I need money.
Pasta is absolutely delicious. I will never, ever, ever be sick of pasta.
My schedule for next year is one giant clusterfuck. I'm taking 5 or 6 APs and debate. I am masochistic beyond comprehension. And I'm going to die.
My indecisiveness terrifies me. I'll wake up in the morning and have a psychotic breakdown over whether or not it's a good idea wear the same pants I wore the day before. So, clearly, I still have no idea where I want to go to college, or what I want to focus on once I'm there. Rather, I have radically different ideas I toggle between on a daily basis. I just can't do it all. And if I hear, 'Oh, you still have a year to figure that out!' one more time I'm going to go unibomber all over the place. And then throw myself off the nearest high-rise. A year isn't enough time to figure out what the one thing is in life I can picture myself doing and actually enjoying. The longer I put off thinking about it, the more fucked I'll be in the end.
Yesterday my guidance counselor offhandedly asked me what I was considering majoring in. I laughed at her and then I felt bad.
Sometimes I just think it's because I'm too good at everything and hate everything at the same time, and that's exactly why I am terrible at making decisions. There are so many things I like and think I'm pretty talented at. That's not true, but I still think it. Right, anyway. But that no matter what I decide to do, I'll get horrendously sick of it soon enough, hence why I can't just limit myself to one thing for the rest of my life. Because I'll hate it.
I hate math. I never want to take another math class in my life. Ever.
I always remember people and I always know more about them than they think. Whenever I'm introduced to someone in any situation, I will always remember their name, and probably their last name and where they go to school and shit like that. There have been times when I've been introduced to the same person on several separate occasions, and I really just want to be like, 'Yeah, I met you twice already. But it's doubtful you remember me.' It makes me wonder if people remember things like that as much as I do, or if my uber-retentive memory is just indicative of my social ineptitude. Or something.
I really, really love naps. And sleeping. They're the two things I can always count on. Which is incredibly pathetic. I will probably spend my entire summer feeling sorry for myself and napping.
Oh yeah, and I still haven't seen Snakes on a Plane. WHAT THE EFF.