Fic: The Endless Ocean - Chapter 3
Title: The Endless Ocean
Chapter 3/?
Author: xpaperplanex
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: ~4100
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud, Tseng/Aerith
Genre: AU, crossover, romance, adventure
Warnings: underage
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or Might and Magic and make no money from this work.
Summary: Cloud has spent the last five years wondering who he is and where he came from. He's travelled the continents of Enroth and Erathia in search of answers, and now he's arrived in Jadame. An unfortunate accident causes him to wake up with a head injury on board the Black Materia, whose captain is terrifyingly familiar.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Oh, hi there.
***
Sephiroth could have kicked himself as soon as he locked the door. Wasn't that exactly what he had told himself he wouldn't do? He couldn't even blame Cloud for his outburst. Although he had been caught off guard by it, it had been too much to hope that Cloud would just accept everything without a problem. And yet he couldn't bring himself to open the door and try again. Instead he made his way down to the main hall, where he found Zack engaged in a card game with Yuffie.
"Hi, boss," Yuffie said cheerfully as she pulled a pile of coins over to her side of the table. "Want to play, too? Zack's running out of money to give me."
"I'd like to think that I know better than to play Arcomage with you." He poured himself a mug of ale and sat down, picking up Zack's deck. "But what the hell, what are the win conditions?"
Yuffie grinned and quickly explained the rules and how much it would cost him. "Zack says that you're acting weird."
"Yuffie!"
"Well, you did! So tell me, Sephiroth, what's going on with your prisoner? Someone said he was screaming at you in the streets."
Sephiroth pondered how to answer while he studied his cards. After staring at his feeble magic reserves, he played a Pearl of Wisdom and took an extra counter before adding to his tower. "First, he's not my prisoner."
"So where is he now? Wandering around?"
"No, he's in the room next to mine."
"Are you sure?"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes; Yuffie's method of questioning always forced out answers that he didn't really want to give. "Yes, I locked him in. He's upset right now, and I don't want him having free run of the place." He glanced over at Zack and offered him a small smile. "I'm not entirely sure he won't decide to stab me in the back."
"Can he?" Zack asked quietly. "I've never seen anyone who can even come close to defeating you. That's a nasty looking sword he's carrying, but he doesn't look that strong."
"He can. He's done it before. You should see him fight; it's the most beautiful thing."
"So you've got this guy who isn't your prisoner but you've locked up anyway, who can beat you in a fight, and might want to kill you ... why? Also, that was a Dragon I just played. I won, so pay up."
Sephiroth frowned at the cards; how had she gotten enough beasts to play a Dragon? He hadn't really been paying attention, but he didn't think Yuffie would cheat with him. Shrugging, he dropped the coins into her outstretched hand. "We knew each other a long time ago. We were quite close at one point, though he doesn't remember that. I hurt him ... badly. I regret it now, but at the time ... he has every right to hate me. I want to make it up to him, though. I miss him."
Yuffie sucked in a long, loud breath before whispering as loudly as she could, "Were you lovers?"
Zack dropped his mug with a clatter, ignoring the beer spreading over the floor. "What? Were you?"
"He doesn't remember," Sephiroth said firmly.
"I knew it!" Yuffie shouted triumphantly, causing numerous heads to swivel towards them. "I always guessed that you had some tragic love in your past. I mean, you could have anyone, women or men, but-"
"Oh, shut up, it was hardly tragic," Sephiroth snapped. "We were together, I hurt him, he was injured and lost his memory, and I hurt him some more."
"That's the definition of tragic!" Yuffie gasped again and bounced excitedly. "Did you cheat on him with Ms. Gainsborough? Zack said you went to see her."
"No, I didn't cheat on him!"
"But it has something to do with her?"
"That's enough of this conversation." Sephiroth snatched up a handful of coins and got up from the table. "I won that round."
"You did not, you cheater-oh." Yuffie's eyes went wide as she noticed something behind Sephiroth's back.
Sephiroth slowly turned around to face Cloud, whose face was as pale as a sheet. "Cloud ..."
"We were-" Cloud spun on his heel and bolted back up towards the sleeping quarters.
"Maybe if you're going to lock up your ex-lover who doesn't know that you're ex-lovers, and then discuss the fact that you're ex-lovers, you should put him in the dungeon or something. You know, for next time."
"Yuffie ..." Sephiroth snarled.
"Yes? But in all seriousness, you should go after him."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Zack asked, picking up his own massive sword from its resting spot against the table.
"No. And don't let anyone disturb us. No matter what." Sephiroth walked quickly in the direction Cloud had gone, hoping that it wouldn't come down to a fight between them.
The door appeared to have had the hinges snapped in half. Sephiroth could see the marks from the ice spell Cloud had used to weaken the metal. At the moment, however, the door had been placed back in the frame.
"Cloud?" he called out, tapping on the door very gently to avoid knocking it in.
"Don't come in." It sounded like Cloud was directly on the other side of the door, probably sitting against it to keep him out.
"All right, I won't come in, but can we talk?" There was no response, but Sephiroth chose to take it as a good sign. "Is the door going to fall in if I lean against it?"
"No."
"Okay, good." Sephiroth sat down with his back resting against the door. He felt it give a little, and then Cloud seemed to push back, adjusting for the added weight. "I don't really know where to start, so I'm going to begin with the easy stuff, if that's all right with you."
Again there was no response, so Sephiroth continued. "Aerith is married to Tseng. They were together before I met them here, and they got married last year. She's expecting."
"She's having a baby?"
"She only just found out, but yes."
"Does he ... does he treat her well?"
"As far as I know, they're very happy together."
"That's good. That's ... that's good. I wish ... I wish I could see her. You know, talk to her and say congratulations and all that, but she'd just think I'm crazy, wouldn't she?"
"We can work something out. As long as you're willing to be patient, you can be friends with her again."
"Just don't start crying the moment I see her, right?" Cloud laughed half-heartedly.
"It would probably help."
"You just made that up, right? About us? You needed something convincing to tell Yuffie."
Sephiroth hesitated; it would be so easy to tell Cloud that yes, he had made it up. It would probably be a lot easier on him. At the same time, however, Sephiroth wanted him to know. "No," he said gently, "it was the truth."
"Bullshit," Cloud said in a shaking voice after several long moments of silence. "We never met before the mission to Nibelheim. And I wouldn't have ... not after that."
"No, not after, but before ... I found you on the roof of the Shinra building one night when you were a cadet. You had been beaten up and had taken refuge up there."
***
It looked like the storm warning would prove correct, but the weather wasn't too bad yet, and for the time being, the steady rain felt good on Sephiroth's face as he paced back and forth across the gravel. He liked coming up to the roof, especially when it was raining. It helped him recover from the stress of his work as the new commander of SOLDIER.
"Who's there?" Sephiroth turned towards a soft sound behind him and caught a glimpse of a small figure making a break for the door back down. He didn't even have to try to catch up; the boy was obviously unenhanced, and he easily caught him, grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around.
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to be up here, but it's the only place to go. Please don't tell my CO," the boy babbled while trembling uncontrollably. He was soaked through, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He was also sporting a fat lip and several cuts and bruises on his face.
"What happened to you?" Sephiroth asked, not letting go of the boy's arm.
"Nothing, sir. It's nothing."
Sephiroth rubbed his thumb over a large cut over the boy's eyebrow, smearing blood over his forehead that was quickly washed away by the rain. "That needs stitches if you're not going to heal it. Name and rank?"
"C-Cloud Strife, sir. I'm just a cadet." The boy's teeth were chattering and he still hadn't stopped shaking.
Sephiroth nodded in understanding. Cadets didn't have access to materia, which explained why the boy hadn't healed his injuries. "Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?"
Cloud shook his head, wincing in pain. "They'll make me fill out a report."
"Is that an issue?" When the boy nodded, but didn't elaborate any further, Sephiroth sighed in frustration. "Come with me, then. You're freezing." He pulled Cloud towards the door and dragged him down the stairwell. He didn't want to have to explain why he had an injured cadet in tow, so he avoided the elevator and took the stairs all the way down to the forty-eighth floor.
"Where are we going, sir?" Cloud asked when they emerged onto the SOLDIER's residence floor.
"My apartment. If you're refusing to go to the infirmary, and have taken to hiding on the roof instead, I assume that you're not going back to your bunk, either. I can't knowingly leave you out in weather like that." He tapped his keycard at his door and pushed Cloud inside. "Wait there," he said as he shut the door, "I'll find a change of clothes for you." Sephiroth stripped off his coat and boots, then grabbed a towel from the linen closet and tossed it to the boy. "Don't worry about getting blood on it."
"Thank you, sir."
Sephiroth quickly dried off and changed, then found a pair of sweats and a T-shirt that might fit Cloud's small frame. "Here, you can use the bathroom over there to change."
While Cloud was changing, Sephiroth pulled out his cure materia and bangle. "Take a seat at the table," he said when the boy emerged from the bathroom. He was holding a wad of toilet paper to his forehead. "I'll heal you up."
"Please don't," Cloud said in a panicked voice. "They'll know someone helped me."
"'They' being whoever did this to you?"
"Ye-yes."
"Stupid," Sephiroth hissed, throwing the bangle down. "Sit down, that's an order."
Cloud sat immediately, though he looked terrified. Sephiroth stormed over to his storage closet and rummaged around until he came up with his first aid kit. He snatched the toilet paper away from Cloud and pressed a piece of gauze to his forehead instead.
"This is going to scar, I hope you know, and I can't stitch it for you."
"I'm sorry."
Sephiroth sighed and tried to quell his anger; the boy wasn't the one who had done something wrong, and he couldn't blame him for being afraid. He had done a lot of stupid things out of fear of Hojo. "Just hold still; I need to disinfect it."
Cloud sat as still as a statue while Sephiroth applied the disinfectant to his cuts, then taped the largest ones closed. He dabbed at the cut on Cloud's lip, and then got up to get an icepack for it.
"There," he said gently, brushing some hair out of the boy's eyes, "that will help the swelling go down."
"Thank you, sir."
***
"You started looking for me on the roof after that. Usually when you were having a hard time. I'd patch you up and give you a place to hide for a while. Sometimes you spent the night when you were too afraid to go back to your bunk. Eventually you began coming up even if things were fine. I liked having someone who just needed me to be there for them. You never asked me to do anything about the people who hurt you ... you never wanted anything except a hug and a bit of encouragement. Still there?"
"Yeah." Cloud's voice was barely audible. "I'm listening."
"Any of this ringing a bell?"
"I always ... I could never remember how I got the scar on my forehead. Keep talking?"
"I can do that." Sephiroth readjusted his position against the door and shut his eyes, taking himself back to those years. "I grew to hate leaving on missions. I worried constantly about you while I was gone. But at the same time, I loved how happy you were to see me when I returned."
***
Sephiroth paced anxiously on the roof, his boots beating out a worn path in the gravel. Cloud knew he had come back today, right? Had something happened to him while he was gone? He had almost convinced himself to go look for him-he could think up some excuse to check in on the cadets-when the door banged open and Cloud burst through. He was clutching something tightly in his hand and ran over as soon as he saw Sephiroth, throwing his arms around his chest.
"You're here! Guess what?"
"What?" Sephiroth asked, laughing. It was rare to see Cloud looking so happy.
"I won an award! Look!" Cloud let go to show him what he was holding. It was a small trophy in the shape of Shinra's logo with a plaque on the bottom. It read: Best First Year Cadet, Cloud Strife.
"That's wonderful, Cloud," Sephiroth said genuinely, taking the trophy to admire it. "I'm proud of you."
"They gave it to me during our morning parade today! Along with a cheque for two hundred gil!"
"What are you going to buy with it? You should get yourself something special."
"Oh man, I haven't even thought about that yet. I've just been so excited to tell you all day!" Cloud jumped up and wrapped his arms tightly around Sephiroth's neck.
Sephiroth carefully set the trophy down on a vent and hoisted Cloud up, hugging him tightly. He froze, however, when Cloud pressed his lips to Sephiroth's.
"I'm sorry," Cloud gasped and began to squirm to get out of Sephiroth's grip. "I was just-I was-"
"Shh," Sephiroth whispered, not letting go, "you were caught up in the moment." He bent his head down and kissed Cloud again. He wasn't entirely sure what he was thinking, but he wanted to show Cloud that it was all right. When Cloud began hesitantly kissing him back, Sephiroth hoisted him up a little bit higher and gently pressed his tongue between his lips.
***
"Things escalated from there. Kissing became a regular thing, then we started touching each other when you'd sleep over at my place, then it was a lot more than just touching ..."
"Did anybody know?"
"No, we kept it a secret from everyone. I thought of you as my own, and I didn't want to share you with anyone else. And-I never acknowledged it, but I think a part of me knew that it was wrong. I was nearly a decade older than you, not to mention the difference in our ranks. But I didn't want to give you up. I did genuinely love you."
"After you came back, I was going through some of the wreckage of the tower. My personal effects had been put into storage. I found a metal box with my name and ID on it."
"That's right," Sephiroth said, recalling the old procedure, "they did that when someone was killed or missing in action. They held them for ten years or until a relative retrieved them."
"You didn't ... you didn't have anything to do with those awards, did you? It was just a stupid cadet thing. You wouldn't have known, unless ..."
"It wasn't stupid." Sephiroth was surprised at the vehemence in his voice, but he couldn't keep himself from saying it. Not when the memory of the young man who was so proud of himself was fresh in his mind. "You worked damn hard for that award, and you deserved it."
He could hear Cloud laughing behind the door; it was a bitter sort of laugh. "I'm sure I did. I ... I don't remember it at all."
"You're right, though. I didn't have anything to do with the cadet awards."
Cloud was silent for a long time; the only reason Sephiroth knew he was still there was that he hadn't felt the door shift. Finally, he spoke. "Can I sleep in here tonight?"
"Of course. I'll make sure that no one disturbs you. There are clothes in the wardrobe; you should be able to find some that fit, and there's a bathroom attached. It's even got plumbing."
"Okay, thanks. I think ... I think I need to sleep on this."
"All right." Sephiroth got up so Cloud could stop holding the door up. "If you need anything, I'm just next door. Goodnight."
Sephiroth decided to forgo his evening meal; he didn't much feel like eating, and he didn't want to risk having Cloud come looking for him and not be able to find him. So he returned to his room and stripped off his clothes before crawling into the bed. He lay awake, however, wondering what Cloud was thinking of. He hadn't thought about their time together in years, and looking back made his stomach twist unpleasantly as he thought of what he didn't do.
***
Sephiroth smelled blood when he stepped out onto the roof, and he ran around to the far side of the ventilation system where Cloud would always hide until he arrived. "What happened?" he asked as he skidded around the corner and nearly threw himself down next to the boy who was huddled up and crying.
Cloud looked up at him; one of his eyes was swollen shut, and Sephiroth didn't wait to take an account of any other injuries. He knew there were more.
"It's okay," he murmured quietly and gathered Cloud into his arms, shifting him carefully when he bit back a cry of pain. "Let's go get you cleaned up."
Every step he took down the stairs made Cloud whimper. It seemed like an eternity of promising that it was just a little bit further, and Sephiroth was certain that it felt even longer to Cloud. Halfway down, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Cloud?" he murmured softly. "Cloud, I'm going to leave you here and go get my materia."
At that, Cloud started to squirm, ignoring how it was obviously causing him more pain.
"I know," Sephiroth said quickly. "I know you don't want me healing you, but I need to this time. I can't fix this with a bandage and some ice."
"No, please," Cloud started, but Sephiroth set him down.
"No. I'll help you come up with an excuse if somebody asks, but I'm not going to leave you injured like this. I can't believe you even made it up to the roof in your condition. Stay here and wait for me, Cloud. That's an order." He left, feeling somehow like he was being terribly cruel, but knowing that Cloud wouldn't go anywhere, not after he had been ordered to stay.
The elevators were crowded with people who had been staying late, and Sephiroth was glad that he hadn't gone with his first idea of just taking Cloud with him. As it was, he got a few strange looks directed at the blood on his shirt, but nobody said anything. Cloud was exactly where he had left him when he got back, but he was sobbing loudly.
"Please," he begged, "they're going to know."
"No, they won't." Sephiroth knelt beside Cloud and tipped him back so he was lying on the landing. He didn't resist, but he didn't stop begging for him to not do it, either. "You're going to tell anyone who asks that you were in the bathroom trying to clean yourself up when a SOLDIER found you," he said as he pulled up Cloud's shirt to reveal blackened ribs that were most certainly broken. He had a bruise forming on his stomach in the shape of a bootprint and an oozing cut in his side.
"I can't, Sephiroth, please ..."
"You can," Sephiroth said firmly and cast Cura. "He was a Third Class-you didn't get his name, but he had brown hair and a big sword. He decided that you'd be a good person to practice on with his new materia. He didn't care about how you got hurt. Why would a SOLDIER care about a cadet? He just thought it was convenient." He pressed gently on Cloud's torso, making sure everything had healed as it was supposed to, then he turned to Cloud's face and cast his spell on it as well. "Now, where else?"
Cloud grimaced but gave in with a sigh. "My-my knees," he stammered.
"Both?" When Cloud nodded, Sephiroth rolled up his pant legs. It looked like he had fallen hard on them. A quick Cure had them looking much better. "Let's go home. We can flesh out your story a bit more." He pulled Cloud to his feet and straightened his clothes out.
"Wish it was my home," Cloud whispered, fighting back more tears.
"I know ..." Sephiroth hugged him tightly. "I do too."
***
Sephiroth scowled at the dark ceiling, hating himself for his inaction. He could have done something. Anything would have been better than coming up with excuse after excuse. He hated himself even more because he knew why he hadn't done anything. He hadn't been sexually attracted to Cloud at that point, but he had wanted him for himself. Cloud might not have wanted to come see him if he wasn't suffering so much.
Instead he had told himself that he was helping by healing Cloud and trying to think of ways he could avoid repercussions. Without, of course, going to anyone in a position of authority about it. At the time, he had honestly believed that it was in Cloud's best interests to spend the night in his bed.
***
"It's getting late," Cloud finally murmured in a tone that said he had resigned himself to his fate.
"Stay here tonight, Cloud," Sephiroth said. He could easily see how reluctant he was to return to the barracks. He couldn't blame him, either.
"I don't want to bother you," Cloud protested in a small voice. "You've already done enough."
"It's no bother. You know I like having you here. I'll set my alarm so you have time to get back before you start in the morning. It's not like any of them are going to care that you're missing." His harsh words were what wiped the reluctant look off of Cloud's face.
"You wouldn't mind?"
"No, not at all."
Cloud nodded slowly. "I won't get in your way. I'll just sleep on the couch; I don't need a blanket or anything."
"There's room in my bed." It was such a big bed. Sephiroth had balked at its size when he first moved into the apartment. What was he supposed to do with such a waste of space? Now he had a reason for it. Cloud could easily sleep on one half and he'd never even know he was there.
"Your bed? But ..."
"No buts. Have you seen my bed? It's huge. And you'd be cold sleeping on the couch with no blanket. Come on, let's find you something to wear for pyjamas."
***
It had felt like such a tiny thing, and Cloud had been so grateful. He had curled up at the edge of the bed and slept so soundly that Sephiroth had been certain it was the first good night's sleep he had had in months. But he knew that he could have helped Cloud sleep soundly in his own bed if he hadn't been so selfish.
He sighed and rolled over, shutting his eyes. There was no use dwelling on it. He wanted Cloud back-wanted him more than he ever had in the past, and bringing up all of his regrets wouldn't do anything to help that goal.
***
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Chapter 3/?
Author: xpaperplanex
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: ~4100
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud, Tseng/Aerith
Genre: AU, crossover, romance, adventure
Warnings: underage
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or Might and Magic and make no money from this work.
Summary: Cloud has spent the last five years wondering who he is and where he came from. He's travelled the continents of Enroth and Erathia in search of answers, and now he's arrived in Jadame. An unfortunate accident causes him to wake up with a head injury on board the Black Materia, whose captain is terrifyingly familiar.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
Oh, hi there.
***
Sephiroth could have kicked himself as soon as he locked the door. Wasn't that exactly what he had told himself he wouldn't do? He couldn't even blame Cloud for his outburst. Although he had been caught off guard by it, it had been too much to hope that Cloud would just accept everything without a problem. And yet he couldn't bring himself to open the door and try again. Instead he made his way down to the main hall, where he found Zack engaged in a card game with Yuffie.
"Hi, boss," Yuffie said cheerfully as she pulled a pile of coins over to her side of the table. "Want to play, too? Zack's running out of money to give me."
"I'd like to think that I know better than to play Arcomage with you." He poured himself a mug of ale and sat down, picking up Zack's deck. "But what the hell, what are the win conditions?"
Yuffie grinned and quickly explained the rules and how much it would cost him. "Zack says that you're acting weird."
"Yuffie!"
"Well, you did! So tell me, Sephiroth, what's going on with your prisoner? Someone said he was screaming at you in the streets."
Sephiroth pondered how to answer while he studied his cards. After staring at his feeble magic reserves, he played a Pearl of Wisdom and took an extra counter before adding to his tower. "First, he's not my prisoner."
"So where is he now? Wandering around?"
"No, he's in the room next to mine."
"Are you sure?"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes; Yuffie's method of questioning always forced out answers that he didn't really want to give. "Yes, I locked him in. He's upset right now, and I don't want him having free run of the place." He glanced over at Zack and offered him a small smile. "I'm not entirely sure he won't decide to stab me in the back."
"Can he?" Zack asked quietly. "I've never seen anyone who can even come close to defeating you. That's a nasty looking sword he's carrying, but he doesn't look that strong."
"He can. He's done it before. You should see him fight; it's the most beautiful thing."
"So you've got this guy who isn't your prisoner but you've locked up anyway, who can beat you in a fight, and might want to kill you ... why? Also, that was a Dragon I just played. I won, so pay up."
Sephiroth frowned at the cards; how had she gotten enough beasts to play a Dragon? He hadn't really been paying attention, but he didn't think Yuffie would cheat with him. Shrugging, he dropped the coins into her outstretched hand. "We knew each other a long time ago. We were quite close at one point, though he doesn't remember that. I hurt him ... badly. I regret it now, but at the time ... he has every right to hate me. I want to make it up to him, though. I miss him."
Yuffie sucked in a long, loud breath before whispering as loudly as she could, "Were you lovers?"
Zack dropped his mug with a clatter, ignoring the beer spreading over the floor. "What? Were you?"
"He doesn't remember," Sephiroth said firmly.
"I knew it!" Yuffie shouted triumphantly, causing numerous heads to swivel towards them. "I always guessed that you had some tragic love in your past. I mean, you could have anyone, women or men, but-"
"Oh, shut up, it was hardly tragic," Sephiroth snapped. "We were together, I hurt him, he was injured and lost his memory, and I hurt him some more."
"That's the definition of tragic!" Yuffie gasped again and bounced excitedly. "Did you cheat on him with Ms. Gainsborough? Zack said you went to see her."
"No, I didn't cheat on him!"
"But it has something to do with her?"
"That's enough of this conversation." Sephiroth snatched up a handful of coins and got up from the table. "I won that round."
"You did not, you cheater-oh." Yuffie's eyes went wide as she noticed something behind Sephiroth's back.
Sephiroth slowly turned around to face Cloud, whose face was as pale as a sheet. "Cloud ..."
"We were-" Cloud spun on his heel and bolted back up towards the sleeping quarters.
"Maybe if you're going to lock up your ex-lover who doesn't know that you're ex-lovers, and then discuss the fact that you're ex-lovers, you should put him in the dungeon or something. You know, for next time."
"Yuffie ..." Sephiroth snarled.
"Yes? But in all seriousness, you should go after him."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Zack asked, picking up his own massive sword from its resting spot against the table.
"No. And don't let anyone disturb us. No matter what." Sephiroth walked quickly in the direction Cloud had gone, hoping that it wouldn't come down to a fight between them.
The door appeared to have had the hinges snapped in half. Sephiroth could see the marks from the ice spell Cloud had used to weaken the metal. At the moment, however, the door had been placed back in the frame.
"Cloud?" he called out, tapping on the door very gently to avoid knocking it in.
"Don't come in." It sounded like Cloud was directly on the other side of the door, probably sitting against it to keep him out.
"All right, I won't come in, but can we talk?" There was no response, but Sephiroth chose to take it as a good sign. "Is the door going to fall in if I lean against it?"
"No."
"Okay, good." Sephiroth sat down with his back resting against the door. He felt it give a little, and then Cloud seemed to push back, adjusting for the added weight. "I don't really know where to start, so I'm going to begin with the easy stuff, if that's all right with you."
Again there was no response, so Sephiroth continued. "Aerith is married to Tseng. They were together before I met them here, and they got married last year. She's expecting."
"She's having a baby?"
"She only just found out, but yes."
"Does he ... does he treat her well?"
"As far as I know, they're very happy together."
"That's good. That's ... that's good. I wish ... I wish I could see her. You know, talk to her and say congratulations and all that, but she'd just think I'm crazy, wouldn't she?"
"We can work something out. As long as you're willing to be patient, you can be friends with her again."
"Just don't start crying the moment I see her, right?" Cloud laughed half-heartedly.
"It would probably help."
"You just made that up, right? About us? You needed something convincing to tell Yuffie."
Sephiroth hesitated; it would be so easy to tell Cloud that yes, he had made it up. It would probably be a lot easier on him. At the same time, however, Sephiroth wanted him to know. "No," he said gently, "it was the truth."
"Bullshit," Cloud said in a shaking voice after several long moments of silence. "We never met before the mission to Nibelheim. And I wouldn't have ... not after that."
"No, not after, but before ... I found you on the roof of the Shinra building one night when you were a cadet. You had been beaten up and had taken refuge up there."
***
It looked like the storm warning would prove correct, but the weather wasn't too bad yet, and for the time being, the steady rain felt good on Sephiroth's face as he paced back and forth across the gravel. He liked coming up to the roof, especially when it was raining. It helped him recover from the stress of his work as the new commander of SOLDIER.
"Who's there?" Sephiroth turned towards a soft sound behind him and caught a glimpse of a small figure making a break for the door back down. He didn't even have to try to catch up; the boy was obviously unenhanced, and he easily caught him, grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around.
"I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to be up here, but it's the only place to go. Please don't tell my CO," the boy babbled while trembling uncontrollably. He was soaked through, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He was also sporting a fat lip and several cuts and bruises on his face.
"What happened to you?" Sephiroth asked, not letting go of the boy's arm.
"Nothing, sir. It's nothing."
Sephiroth rubbed his thumb over a large cut over the boy's eyebrow, smearing blood over his forehead that was quickly washed away by the rain. "That needs stitches if you're not going to heal it. Name and rank?"
"C-Cloud Strife, sir. I'm just a cadet." The boy's teeth were chattering and he still hadn't stopped shaking.
Sephiroth nodded in understanding. Cadets didn't have access to materia, which explained why the boy hadn't healed his injuries. "Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?"
Cloud shook his head, wincing in pain. "They'll make me fill out a report."
"Is that an issue?" When the boy nodded, but didn't elaborate any further, Sephiroth sighed in frustration. "Come with me, then. You're freezing." He pulled Cloud towards the door and dragged him down the stairwell. He didn't want to have to explain why he had an injured cadet in tow, so he avoided the elevator and took the stairs all the way down to the forty-eighth floor.
"Where are we going, sir?" Cloud asked when they emerged onto the SOLDIER's residence floor.
"My apartment. If you're refusing to go to the infirmary, and have taken to hiding on the roof instead, I assume that you're not going back to your bunk, either. I can't knowingly leave you out in weather like that." He tapped his keycard at his door and pushed Cloud inside. "Wait there," he said as he shut the door, "I'll find a change of clothes for you." Sephiroth stripped off his coat and boots, then grabbed a towel from the linen closet and tossed it to the boy. "Don't worry about getting blood on it."
"Thank you, sir."
Sephiroth quickly dried off and changed, then found a pair of sweats and a T-shirt that might fit Cloud's small frame. "Here, you can use the bathroom over there to change."
While Cloud was changing, Sephiroth pulled out his cure materia and bangle. "Take a seat at the table," he said when the boy emerged from the bathroom. He was holding a wad of toilet paper to his forehead. "I'll heal you up."
"Please don't," Cloud said in a panicked voice. "They'll know someone helped me."
"'They' being whoever did this to you?"
"Ye-yes."
"Stupid," Sephiroth hissed, throwing the bangle down. "Sit down, that's an order."
Cloud sat immediately, though he looked terrified. Sephiroth stormed over to his storage closet and rummaged around until he came up with his first aid kit. He snatched the toilet paper away from Cloud and pressed a piece of gauze to his forehead instead.
"This is going to scar, I hope you know, and I can't stitch it for you."
"I'm sorry."
Sephiroth sighed and tried to quell his anger; the boy wasn't the one who had done something wrong, and he couldn't blame him for being afraid. He had done a lot of stupid things out of fear of Hojo. "Just hold still; I need to disinfect it."
Cloud sat as still as a statue while Sephiroth applied the disinfectant to his cuts, then taped the largest ones closed. He dabbed at the cut on Cloud's lip, and then got up to get an icepack for it.
"There," he said gently, brushing some hair out of the boy's eyes, "that will help the swelling go down."
"Thank you, sir."
***
"You started looking for me on the roof after that. Usually when you were having a hard time. I'd patch you up and give you a place to hide for a while. Sometimes you spent the night when you were too afraid to go back to your bunk. Eventually you began coming up even if things were fine. I liked having someone who just needed me to be there for them. You never asked me to do anything about the people who hurt you ... you never wanted anything except a hug and a bit of encouragement. Still there?"
"Yeah." Cloud's voice was barely audible. "I'm listening."
"Any of this ringing a bell?"
"I always ... I could never remember how I got the scar on my forehead. Keep talking?"
"I can do that." Sephiroth readjusted his position against the door and shut his eyes, taking himself back to those years. "I grew to hate leaving on missions. I worried constantly about you while I was gone. But at the same time, I loved how happy you were to see me when I returned."
***
Sephiroth paced anxiously on the roof, his boots beating out a worn path in the gravel. Cloud knew he had come back today, right? Had something happened to him while he was gone? He had almost convinced himself to go look for him-he could think up some excuse to check in on the cadets-when the door banged open and Cloud burst through. He was clutching something tightly in his hand and ran over as soon as he saw Sephiroth, throwing his arms around his chest.
"You're here! Guess what?"
"What?" Sephiroth asked, laughing. It was rare to see Cloud looking so happy.
"I won an award! Look!" Cloud let go to show him what he was holding. It was a small trophy in the shape of Shinra's logo with a plaque on the bottom. It read: Best First Year Cadet, Cloud Strife.
"That's wonderful, Cloud," Sephiroth said genuinely, taking the trophy to admire it. "I'm proud of you."
"They gave it to me during our morning parade today! Along with a cheque for two hundred gil!"
"What are you going to buy with it? You should get yourself something special."
"Oh man, I haven't even thought about that yet. I've just been so excited to tell you all day!" Cloud jumped up and wrapped his arms tightly around Sephiroth's neck.
Sephiroth carefully set the trophy down on a vent and hoisted Cloud up, hugging him tightly. He froze, however, when Cloud pressed his lips to Sephiroth's.
"I'm sorry," Cloud gasped and began to squirm to get out of Sephiroth's grip. "I was just-I was-"
"Shh," Sephiroth whispered, not letting go, "you were caught up in the moment." He bent his head down and kissed Cloud again. He wasn't entirely sure what he was thinking, but he wanted to show Cloud that it was all right. When Cloud began hesitantly kissing him back, Sephiroth hoisted him up a little bit higher and gently pressed his tongue between his lips.
***
"Things escalated from there. Kissing became a regular thing, then we started touching each other when you'd sleep over at my place, then it was a lot more than just touching ..."
"Did anybody know?"
"No, we kept it a secret from everyone. I thought of you as my own, and I didn't want to share you with anyone else. And-I never acknowledged it, but I think a part of me knew that it was wrong. I was nearly a decade older than you, not to mention the difference in our ranks. But I didn't want to give you up. I did genuinely love you."
"After you came back, I was going through some of the wreckage of the tower. My personal effects had been put into storage. I found a metal box with my name and ID on it."
"That's right," Sephiroth said, recalling the old procedure, "they did that when someone was killed or missing in action. They held them for ten years or until a relative retrieved them."
"You didn't ... you didn't have anything to do with those awards, did you? It was just a stupid cadet thing. You wouldn't have known, unless ..."
"It wasn't stupid." Sephiroth was surprised at the vehemence in his voice, but he couldn't keep himself from saying it. Not when the memory of the young man who was so proud of himself was fresh in his mind. "You worked damn hard for that award, and you deserved it."
He could hear Cloud laughing behind the door; it was a bitter sort of laugh. "I'm sure I did. I ... I don't remember it at all."
"You're right, though. I didn't have anything to do with the cadet awards."
Cloud was silent for a long time; the only reason Sephiroth knew he was still there was that he hadn't felt the door shift. Finally, he spoke. "Can I sleep in here tonight?"
"Of course. I'll make sure that no one disturbs you. There are clothes in the wardrobe; you should be able to find some that fit, and there's a bathroom attached. It's even got plumbing."
"Okay, thanks. I think ... I think I need to sleep on this."
"All right." Sephiroth got up so Cloud could stop holding the door up. "If you need anything, I'm just next door. Goodnight."
Sephiroth decided to forgo his evening meal; he didn't much feel like eating, and he didn't want to risk having Cloud come looking for him and not be able to find him. So he returned to his room and stripped off his clothes before crawling into the bed. He lay awake, however, wondering what Cloud was thinking of. He hadn't thought about their time together in years, and looking back made his stomach twist unpleasantly as he thought of what he didn't do.
***
Sephiroth smelled blood when he stepped out onto the roof, and he ran around to the far side of the ventilation system where Cloud would always hide until he arrived. "What happened?" he asked as he skidded around the corner and nearly threw himself down next to the boy who was huddled up and crying.
Cloud looked up at him; one of his eyes was swollen shut, and Sephiroth didn't wait to take an account of any other injuries. He knew there were more.
"It's okay," he murmured quietly and gathered Cloud into his arms, shifting him carefully when he bit back a cry of pain. "Let's go get you cleaned up."
Every step he took down the stairs made Cloud whimper. It seemed like an eternity of promising that it was just a little bit further, and Sephiroth was certain that it felt even longer to Cloud. Halfway down, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Cloud?" he murmured softly. "Cloud, I'm going to leave you here and go get my materia."
At that, Cloud started to squirm, ignoring how it was obviously causing him more pain.
"I know," Sephiroth said quickly. "I know you don't want me healing you, but I need to this time. I can't fix this with a bandage and some ice."
"No, please," Cloud started, but Sephiroth set him down.
"No. I'll help you come up with an excuse if somebody asks, but I'm not going to leave you injured like this. I can't believe you even made it up to the roof in your condition. Stay here and wait for me, Cloud. That's an order." He left, feeling somehow like he was being terribly cruel, but knowing that Cloud wouldn't go anywhere, not after he had been ordered to stay.
The elevators were crowded with people who had been staying late, and Sephiroth was glad that he hadn't gone with his first idea of just taking Cloud with him. As it was, he got a few strange looks directed at the blood on his shirt, but nobody said anything. Cloud was exactly where he had left him when he got back, but he was sobbing loudly.
"Please," he begged, "they're going to know."
"No, they won't." Sephiroth knelt beside Cloud and tipped him back so he was lying on the landing. He didn't resist, but he didn't stop begging for him to not do it, either. "You're going to tell anyone who asks that you were in the bathroom trying to clean yourself up when a SOLDIER found you," he said as he pulled up Cloud's shirt to reveal blackened ribs that were most certainly broken. He had a bruise forming on his stomach in the shape of a bootprint and an oozing cut in his side.
"I can't, Sephiroth, please ..."
"You can," Sephiroth said firmly and cast Cura. "He was a Third Class-you didn't get his name, but he had brown hair and a big sword. He decided that you'd be a good person to practice on with his new materia. He didn't care about how you got hurt. Why would a SOLDIER care about a cadet? He just thought it was convenient." He pressed gently on Cloud's torso, making sure everything had healed as it was supposed to, then he turned to Cloud's face and cast his spell on it as well. "Now, where else?"
Cloud grimaced but gave in with a sigh. "My-my knees," he stammered.
"Both?" When Cloud nodded, Sephiroth rolled up his pant legs. It looked like he had fallen hard on them. A quick Cure had them looking much better. "Let's go home. We can flesh out your story a bit more." He pulled Cloud to his feet and straightened his clothes out.
"Wish it was my home," Cloud whispered, fighting back more tears.
"I know ..." Sephiroth hugged him tightly. "I do too."
***
Sephiroth scowled at the dark ceiling, hating himself for his inaction. He could have done something. Anything would have been better than coming up with excuse after excuse. He hated himself even more because he knew why he hadn't done anything. He hadn't been sexually attracted to Cloud at that point, but he had wanted him for himself. Cloud might not have wanted to come see him if he wasn't suffering so much.
Instead he had told himself that he was helping by healing Cloud and trying to think of ways he could avoid repercussions. Without, of course, going to anyone in a position of authority about it. At the time, he had honestly believed that it was in Cloud's best interests to spend the night in his bed.
***
"It's getting late," Cloud finally murmured in a tone that said he had resigned himself to his fate.
"Stay here tonight, Cloud," Sephiroth said. He could easily see how reluctant he was to return to the barracks. He couldn't blame him, either.
"I don't want to bother you," Cloud protested in a small voice. "You've already done enough."
"It's no bother. You know I like having you here. I'll set my alarm so you have time to get back before you start in the morning. It's not like any of them are going to care that you're missing." His harsh words were what wiped the reluctant look off of Cloud's face.
"You wouldn't mind?"
"No, not at all."
Cloud nodded slowly. "I won't get in your way. I'll just sleep on the couch; I don't need a blanket or anything."
"There's room in my bed." It was such a big bed. Sephiroth had balked at its size when he first moved into the apartment. What was he supposed to do with such a waste of space? Now he had a reason for it. Cloud could easily sleep on one half and he'd never even know he was there.
"Your bed? But ..."
"No buts. Have you seen my bed? It's huge. And you'd be cold sleeping on the couch with no blanket. Come on, let's find you something to wear for pyjamas."
***
It had felt like such a tiny thing, and Cloud had been so grateful. He had curled up at the edge of the bed and slept so soundly that Sephiroth had been certain it was the first good night's sleep he had had in months. But he knew that he could have helped Cloud sleep soundly in his own bed if he hadn't been so selfish.
He sighed and rolled over, shutting his eyes. There was no use dwelling on it. He wanted Cloud back-wanted him more than he ever had in the past, and bringing up all of his regrets wouldn't do anything to help that goal.
***
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