HWC Side Story: Creative Writing
Title: Creative Writing
Author: xpaperplanex
Beta: lems
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~1900
Characters: Zack, Reno
Genre: AU, friendship, drama
Warnings: language, canon timeline has been thoroughly ignored, Reno
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.
Summary: Zack needs help writing a human care manual. Who else to turn to but Reno?
Previous Chapters: | HWC | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Side Stories: | Results May Vary | Away on Adventure |
Sorry everyone, there's no proper chapter this week, so you've got another side story to tide you over while I get chapter seven into shape. I assure you that it'll be worth the wait, so thank you for your patience! Also next week's chapter will most likely be up on Tuesday, rather than Monday, due to Las Vegas.
armina_skitty asked me to write this scene as an omake, so here you go. Hope you enjoy! This one is set after chapter one of Handle With Care.
***
"Reno! I need you!" Reno flinched instinctively when Zack burst into the Turks' lounge and grabbed him by the wrist.
"Calm down, baby," Reno said, confused as all hell, but mildly curious too. Zack had something yellow and fuzzy in his other hand - that new chocobo toy he had seen in the shop, maybe? "I know I'm irresistible, but wait 'til we're off the clock."
Zack yanked harder on Reno's wrist and pulled him off the couch. "This is an emergency, you asshole. I need your help writing something."
"All those letters tripping you up again? What's with the chocobo?" Reno followed as Zack pulled him into his office and shut the door behind them. "That's not the sort of toy I wanted to add to our relationship."
"Enough jokes, Reno, I'm really about to snap here so just shut up and listen. You know that AWOL cadet? Sephiroth's had him since yesterday; decided the poor kid was a toy because he had this label on him." Zack held up the stuffed toy and flipped it over to show the label on its wing.
"So... he's nuts. What else is new?" How out of it was Sephiroth? Reno hadn't really thought he was that bad. Just a little violent, which was fine by him; he knew how to dodge. "You want me to help you sneak the kid away while he's sleeping or something? Replace him with the real toy?"
"No... I can't." Zack looked freakishly upset by this. "I went to tell Lazard what was going on, only the President was in his office and..." Zack kicked the paper shredder and sent scraps flying. "Official orders are that Sephiroth gets to keep his new toy. It's more 'cost effective'." He made a disgusted face and kicked at the paper on the floor again.
"Well... that sucks. Kid's got some shitty luck. I take it Sephiroth's..." Reno quirked his eyebrows and made a lewd gesture.
"Reno! No, I don't think so. Not yet, at least, and I'd like to keep it that way. Which is where you come in. We need to turn this," Zack held up the chocobo again, "Into a proper care manual for a human being."
Reno stared for several long moments. "You're shitting me, right?"
***
"Choco-Cloud?" Zack suggested.
"Sounds like he's made out of chocolate. Keep it simple. Cloud the Chocobo Toy."
"I don't like it. It's not very catchy."
"Sure it's catchy, and if it's not, who cares? It's not like we're trying to sell it." Reno turned back to the points he was working on and chewed on his pen.
"Yeah, that's a good point. He's already sold. So we'll go with Cloud the Chocobo Toy. I'm thinking we should say that they're still testing Cloud, so we can make changes to the manual if we have to."
"So Sephiroth's like the beta-tester or something?" Reno grabbed another piece of paper and wrote that down. Zack was terrible at keeping notes.
"Hey, yeah. We could say that he was chosen to test out this new toy, but if he damages it, it'll have to be taken away. It'll make him feel special, 'cause hey, not just anyone gets shiny new toys to test out. At the same time, if I need to, I'd be able to take Cloud away from him and he shouldn't really be able to argue about it."
"If he hurts him, you mean."
"Yeah, I know it'd technically be going against the prez's orders, but c'mon, I can't just stand by while the poor kid's being abused."
"Well, let's try and keep that from happening. I'm not risking my life for some random kid, sorry."
***
"Okay." Zack shook out his paper and cleared his throat. "'Do not machine wash. For best results, hand wash daily in warm, soapy water.' That's kind of like what the washing instructions on stuff is like, right? 'Wash your Cloud's hands on a regular basis like you would a person.'"
"Last sentence is clunky. Make it more manual-like."
"How?"
Reno sighed and took the paper from Zack. "I've got a bunch of manuals for crap around here, let me find a few." He rummaged through the bottom drawer of his desk and found the ones for his PHS, his recorder, and, huh, that's where his Mag Rod instructions had got to. He tossed one of them at Zack and flipped through the Mag Rod book. "Let's see... " he said, looking back at the paper Zack had his notes on. "'Because your Cloud interacts with its environment constantly, its hands should be washed on a regular basis throughout the day.' Gives him a reason for washing and doesn't confuse him by throwing people into the mix."
"Why are you referring to Cloud as 'it'?"
"Well I'd guess that if he were really a toy, they'd come in more than one sex. Also since he's a toy, he's technically not got a gender, so he'd be an 'it'. It would be up to the owner to give it a gender. Since you said Sephiroth's already referring to him as 'he', it shouldn't be a problem."
"Right... Anyways, I was thinking we should make sure he gets exercise and all that good stuff, so I put: 'Fresh air and daily exercise keeps your Cloud in top condition.'"
"Sounds good. Do you think it needs a qualifier? Like what if Sephiroth decides to make him run laps with him or something?"
"Hmm, let's leave it like that for now and add it in if it comes up. I don't want to overload him with too much information."
"Fair enough. So, I've split the temperature and sunlight point into two: 'Your Cloud functions best at room temperature. If you are planning to expose it to higher or lower temperatures, please wrap it accordingly. Your Cloud will inform you if the temperature exceeds its tolerance levels.' And then: 'Do not overexpose to direct sunlight. Special protection is available for Clouds if they are going to be in direct sunlight for an extended period of time.'"
"Special protection?"
Reno pointed to his computer screen that had Cloud's file on it. "Kid's from the mountains, right? He's probably pasty white and'll burn to a crisp in the sun. He'll need sunscreen. I figure we can leave the 'keep away from fire' and 'don't let children choke on his clothes' ones as they are. Want me to do a check and see how small his parts are?" Reno dodged Zack's punch and held up his hands in surrender. "Kidding! Kidding!"
Zack grumbled and sat back down. "Right, next point: 'Submitting your Cloud to biting will cause damage. Licking will cause your Cloud to temporarily discolour. Excessive licking has the potential to cause damage, however, so listen to your Cloud's instructions when submitting... I guess 'it' to licking.'"
"That submitting part sounds mildly kinky. I like it. So are we going to put something in about preparing your Cloud properly before play?"
"Reno! The goal here is to not get Cloud raped."
"Yeah, but if there's going to be fucking, would you rather have a properly prepared Cloud, or one with a torn up ass?" It seemed logical to him, at least.
"No, Reno! We're not putting anything like that in. I'm just going to say that he's not meant for sexual purposes and using him for sex will break him."
"I..." Reno paused and thought. It seemed reasonable, but there was something about that that he didn't like. "Zack, how long are you expecting this to go on?"
"A couple weeks maybe, why?"
"What if it's more than that? What if Sephiroth decides that he's going to keep him forever? I mean, if we were certain that it was just going to be for a short while, I'd say sure, go ahead and do that. But we're not certain."
"What are you getting at? Sephiroth can jerk off."
"And what about the kid? Sure, he's only fifteen now, but he's going to get older and he's going to have needs of his own. I looked at his file; there seems to be a lot of speculation that he's gay. Imagine him trying to explain to some guy that he'd love to date him, but he has to go home and be a toy for another man, but it's not sexual, no worries!"
"Umm..."
"I'm just saying that if this turns into a long-term thing, do you really want to condemn him to a life of celibacy without even asking him first? Sephiroth's changed a lot since Nibelheim - personality-wise too. Maybe he'd want to keep Cloud around even if they had a sexual relationship."
"So what are you suggesting?"
"Hold off on mentioning his sexual purposes for now and try to get Sephiroth to let you talk to Cloud privately. Ask him what he wants, give him an option."
"Let Sephiroth fuck you or never have sex? What kind of option is that?" Zack threw his arms in the air in exasperation.
"Well, how about something like... like you know how pets take a while to adjust to a new owner or house? Something like that. Clouds have an adjustment phase where they decide whether or not they want to have sex with their owners. That way he'll be able to wait until he's older and has gotten to know Sephiroth, and he can say 'yes' or 'no' then."
"That's... that's not bad, actually. And Cloud's are pretty new, right? Maybe there's no set time that they take to decide, so no one knows how long the phase lasts. I expect Sephiroth'll be all over me about it constantly, but it could work. And any sexual touching before the adjustment phase is over will break him."
"There! See, he's got options." Reno grinned at his ingenuity.
"Yeah, thanks. I'll convince Sephiroth to let me talk to him when I give them the manual."
***
Reno looked critically at the stack of papers Zack just finished stapling. "That's fine for now, but I'll see if I can find someone who can print up a proper-looking manual for the next edition."
"Yeah, that'd be a good plan. This isn't terribly convincing." Zack flipped through the pages. "It'll have to do, though. I can't believe it took so long; I had wanted to go out this afternoon and get some clothes for Cloud. He looks about ten in Sephiroth's pyjamas, which is really fucking creepy."
Reno laughed at that. "I kinda want to go with you to see him."
"Probably not a good plan. I think I can get Sephiroth to accept me as a sort of liaison between him and the merchandise division, but Turks might be pushing it. Hmm, I need to get his personal stuff from the barracks as well."
"And you can figure out what sizes of clothes to buy from what he's got," Reno suggested.
"Oh yeah, good idea. I was just going to guess at that. Your way is better."
"It usually is. All right, good luck, get out of here, and make Sephiroth let Cloud wash his damn hands already. That's just gross."
Author: xpaperplanex
Beta: lems
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~1900
Characters: Zack, Reno
Genre: AU, friendship, drama
Warnings: language, canon timeline has been thoroughly ignored, Reno
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.
Summary: Zack needs help writing a human care manual. Who else to turn to but Reno?
Previous Chapters: | HWC | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Side Stories: | Results May Vary | Away on Adventure |
Sorry everyone, there's no proper chapter this week, so you've got another side story to tide you over while I get chapter seven into shape. I assure you that it'll be worth the wait, so thank you for your patience! Also next week's chapter will most likely be up on Tuesday, rather than Monday, due to Las Vegas.
armina_skitty asked me to write this scene as an omake, so here you go. Hope you enjoy! This one is set after chapter one of Handle With Care.
***
"Reno! I need you!" Reno flinched instinctively when Zack burst into the Turks' lounge and grabbed him by the wrist.
"Calm down, baby," Reno said, confused as all hell, but mildly curious too. Zack had something yellow and fuzzy in his other hand - that new chocobo toy he had seen in the shop, maybe? "I know I'm irresistible, but wait 'til we're off the clock."
Zack yanked harder on Reno's wrist and pulled him off the couch. "This is an emergency, you asshole. I need your help writing something."
"All those letters tripping you up again? What's with the chocobo?" Reno followed as Zack pulled him into his office and shut the door behind them. "That's not the sort of toy I wanted to add to our relationship."
"Enough jokes, Reno, I'm really about to snap here so just shut up and listen. You know that AWOL cadet? Sephiroth's had him since yesterday; decided the poor kid was a toy because he had this label on him." Zack held up the stuffed toy and flipped it over to show the label on its wing.
"So... he's nuts. What else is new?" How out of it was Sephiroth? Reno hadn't really thought he was that bad. Just a little violent, which was fine by him; he knew how to dodge. "You want me to help you sneak the kid away while he's sleeping or something? Replace him with the real toy?"
"No... I can't." Zack looked freakishly upset by this. "I went to tell Lazard what was going on, only the President was in his office and..." Zack kicked the paper shredder and sent scraps flying. "Official orders are that Sephiroth gets to keep his new toy. It's more 'cost effective'." He made a disgusted face and kicked at the paper on the floor again.
"Well... that sucks. Kid's got some shitty luck. I take it Sephiroth's..." Reno quirked his eyebrows and made a lewd gesture.
"Reno! No, I don't think so. Not yet, at least, and I'd like to keep it that way. Which is where you come in. We need to turn this," Zack held up the chocobo again, "Into a proper care manual for a human being."
Reno stared for several long moments. "You're shitting me, right?"
***
"Choco-Cloud?" Zack suggested.
"Sounds like he's made out of chocolate. Keep it simple. Cloud the Chocobo Toy."
"I don't like it. It's not very catchy."
"Sure it's catchy, and if it's not, who cares? It's not like we're trying to sell it." Reno turned back to the points he was working on and chewed on his pen.
"Yeah, that's a good point. He's already sold. So we'll go with Cloud the Chocobo Toy. I'm thinking we should say that they're still testing Cloud, so we can make changes to the manual if we have to."
"So Sephiroth's like the beta-tester or something?" Reno grabbed another piece of paper and wrote that down. Zack was terrible at keeping notes.
"Hey, yeah. We could say that he was chosen to test out this new toy, but if he damages it, it'll have to be taken away. It'll make him feel special, 'cause hey, not just anyone gets shiny new toys to test out. At the same time, if I need to, I'd be able to take Cloud away from him and he shouldn't really be able to argue about it."
"If he hurts him, you mean."
"Yeah, I know it'd technically be going against the prez's orders, but c'mon, I can't just stand by while the poor kid's being abused."
"Well, let's try and keep that from happening. I'm not risking my life for some random kid, sorry."
***
"Okay." Zack shook out his paper and cleared his throat. "'Do not machine wash. For best results, hand wash daily in warm, soapy water.' That's kind of like what the washing instructions on stuff is like, right? 'Wash your Cloud's hands on a regular basis like you would a person.'"
"Last sentence is clunky. Make it more manual-like."
"How?"
Reno sighed and took the paper from Zack. "I've got a bunch of manuals for crap around here, let me find a few." He rummaged through the bottom drawer of his desk and found the ones for his PHS, his recorder, and, huh, that's where his Mag Rod instructions had got to. He tossed one of them at Zack and flipped through the Mag Rod book. "Let's see... " he said, looking back at the paper Zack had his notes on. "'Because your Cloud interacts with its environment constantly, its hands should be washed on a regular basis throughout the day.' Gives him a reason for washing and doesn't confuse him by throwing people into the mix."
"Why are you referring to Cloud as 'it'?"
"Well I'd guess that if he were really a toy, they'd come in more than one sex. Also since he's a toy, he's technically not got a gender, so he'd be an 'it'. It would be up to the owner to give it a gender. Since you said Sephiroth's already referring to him as 'he', it shouldn't be a problem."
"Right... Anyways, I was thinking we should make sure he gets exercise and all that good stuff, so I put: 'Fresh air and daily exercise keeps your Cloud in top condition.'"
"Sounds good. Do you think it needs a qualifier? Like what if Sephiroth decides to make him run laps with him or something?"
"Hmm, let's leave it like that for now and add it in if it comes up. I don't want to overload him with too much information."
"Fair enough. So, I've split the temperature and sunlight point into two: 'Your Cloud functions best at room temperature. If you are planning to expose it to higher or lower temperatures, please wrap it accordingly. Your Cloud will inform you if the temperature exceeds its tolerance levels.' And then: 'Do not overexpose to direct sunlight. Special protection is available for Clouds if they are going to be in direct sunlight for an extended period of time.'"
"Special protection?"
Reno pointed to his computer screen that had Cloud's file on it. "Kid's from the mountains, right? He's probably pasty white and'll burn to a crisp in the sun. He'll need sunscreen. I figure we can leave the 'keep away from fire' and 'don't let children choke on his clothes' ones as they are. Want me to do a check and see how small his parts are?" Reno dodged Zack's punch and held up his hands in surrender. "Kidding! Kidding!"
Zack grumbled and sat back down. "Right, next point: 'Submitting your Cloud to biting will cause damage. Licking will cause your Cloud to temporarily discolour. Excessive licking has the potential to cause damage, however, so listen to your Cloud's instructions when submitting... I guess 'it' to licking.'"
"That submitting part sounds mildly kinky. I like it. So are we going to put something in about preparing your Cloud properly before play?"
"Reno! The goal here is to not get Cloud raped."
"Yeah, but if there's going to be fucking, would you rather have a properly prepared Cloud, or one with a torn up ass?" It seemed logical to him, at least.
"No, Reno! We're not putting anything like that in. I'm just going to say that he's not meant for sexual purposes and using him for sex will break him."
"I..." Reno paused and thought. It seemed reasonable, but there was something about that that he didn't like. "Zack, how long are you expecting this to go on?"
"A couple weeks maybe, why?"
"What if it's more than that? What if Sephiroth decides that he's going to keep him forever? I mean, if we were certain that it was just going to be for a short while, I'd say sure, go ahead and do that. But we're not certain."
"What are you getting at? Sephiroth can jerk off."
"And what about the kid? Sure, he's only fifteen now, but he's going to get older and he's going to have needs of his own. I looked at his file; there seems to be a lot of speculation that he's gay. Imagine him trying to explain to some guy that he'd love to date him, but he has to go home and be a toy for another man, but it's not sexual, no worries!"
"Umm..."
"I'm just saying that if this turns into a long-term thing, do you really want to condemn him to a life of celibacy without even asking him first? Sephiroth's changed a lot since Nibelheim - personality-wise too. Maybe he'd want to keep Cloud around even if they had a sexual relationship."
"So what are you suggesting?"
"Hold off on mentioning his sexual purposes for now and try to get Sephiroth to let you talk to Cloud privately. Ask him what he wants, give him an option."
"Let Sephiroth fuck you or never have sex? What kind of option is that?" Zack threw his arms in the air in exasperation.
"Well, how about something like... like you know how pets take a while to adjust to a new owner or house? Something like that. Clouds have an adjustment phase where they decide whether or not they want to have sex with their owners. That way he'll be able to wait until he's older and has gotten to know Sephiroth, and he can say 'yes' or 'no' then."
"That's... that's not bad, actually. And Cloud's are pretty new, right? Maybe there's no set time that they take to decide, so no one knows how long the phase lasts. I expect Sephiroth'll be all over me about it constantly, but it could work. And any sexual touching before the adjustment phase is over will break him."
"There! See, he's got options." Reno grinned at his ingenuity.
"Yeah, thanks. I'll convince Sephiroth to let me talk to him when I give them the manual."
***
Reno looked critically at the stack of papers Zack just finished stapling. "That's fine for now, but I'll see if I can find someone who can print up a proper-looking manual for the next edition."
"Yeah, that'd be a good plan. This isn't terribly convincing." Zack flipped through the pages. "It'll have to do, though. I can't believe it took so long; I had wanted to go out this afternoon and get some clothes for Cloud. He looks about ten in Sephiroth's pyjamas, which is really fucking creepy."
Reno laughed at that. "I kinda want to go with you to see him."
"Probably not a good plan. I think I can get Sephiroth to accept me as a sort of liaison between him and the merchandise division, but Turks might be pushing it. Hmm, I need to get his personal stuff from the barracks as well."
"And you can figure out what sizes of clothes to buy from what he's got," Reno suggested.
"Oh yeah, good idea. I was just going to guess at that. Your way is better."
"It usually is. All right, good luck, get out of here, and make Sephiroth let Cloud wash his damn hands already. That's just gross."