PoW Omake 4: Welcome to the Turks
Title: Welcome to the Turks
Author: xpaperplanex
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~800
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud (implied)
Genre: humour
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.
Summary: Elena learns that being a Turk isn't quite as glamourous as it first appears.
Just a short bit about who got to deal with the mess in Sephiroth's bathroom. It should be read after Chapter 30 of PoW.
***
Elena read her mission assignment for the third time and still couldn't quite comprehend what she was being asked to do. It was ridiculous! Sure, she was the rookie, but this wasn't what Turks did, was it? She decided to complain. This was probably a test and if she just did it, she'd be kicked out. Decision made, she marched into Tseng's office holding the paper outlining her assignment.
"Sir, is this a joke?" she asked, waving the paper.
Tseng looked up from his computer where he had been typing furiously. He looked really tired; Elena knew that there was a big fuss going on about the mission General Sephiroth had been sent on, but it looked like it was affecting Tseng personally. "Is what a joke?"
Right, the assignment. She'd get that sorted out, then she would find out what was bothering Tseng. "This assignment, with the cleaners, it's a joke, right? I mean, it's not a real assignment, is it?"
"We don't give joke assignments, Elena," Tseng snapped. "Do it."
"But, surely something like this isn't a Turk's duty, is it?"
"You're not a Turk yet. And you won't ever be one if you keep complaining."
Elena decided to not push her luck and fled the office. She came across Rod in the hallway, looking smug.
"So glad you've joined us, Elena. Otherwise we would've had to play rock-paper-scissors to see who had to do it. But since I'm such a nice guy, I'll give you the number for the cleaners we always use." Rod handed over a business card.
"Gee, thanks." Elena took the card with distaste. Midgar Service Pros - for all your cleanup jobs!
"You'll have to find a contractor on your own. I'd recommend finding one that will install plexiglass; you'd probably prefer to not have to do this again. Although, Sephiroth could probably break plexiglass anyways… maybe just plain safety glass would be better."
"What exactly happened? The assignment wasn't too clear. It just says I need to get cleaners and a contractor in to fix General Sephiroth's bathroom."
"What, you want me to spoil the surprise? No way!" Rod gave Elena a thump on the shoulder and headed down the hall to his office. "Mind you keep an eye on them, and don't tell them beforehand whose apartment it is. Not unless you want to deal with an enraged Sephiroth after he finds spy cams in his shower."
Elena sighed and looked at the card Rod had given her; this was hazing, she was almost sure of it. She sighed again and pulled out her PHS. She just couldn't take the risk that it wasn't.
***
"What the hell is this!?" Elena stood at the bathroom door and stared. She had arrived a while before the manual labour was supposed to get there, to check out what exactly needed to be done. She took a step away from the bathroom; away from coppery smell of the dried blood, then hauled out her PHS and dialled Rod's number. "Did he sacrifice an animal?" she demanded as soon as Rod picked up. "Is that the big surprise you didn't want to ruin? The leader of SOLDIER worships demons?"
"Uh… I don't think that's what happened, but good guess. I like how you immediately jump to demon worship. He'll love it. His story is that he slipped in the shower and put his foot through the door. Zack was laughing like a maniac when he told me, though, so I think there's more to it than that. Cissnei wants to change it to Cloud being the one who slipped, just in case it gets out. She doesn't think anyone will buy Sephiroth slipping, got it?"
"Yeah, I've got it."
"And Zack said the bedroom was still pretty messy when he was there. Do Sephiroth a favour and toss anything incriminating or embarrassing in a drawer."
Elena slowly turned and looked at the rest of the bedroom. From the suspiciously stained sheets and towels, to the men's underwear that were obviously too small for Sephiroth, to the lube and the empty bottle of syrup, was there anything that wasn't potentially incriminating or embarrassing? "So, just stuff his whole room in a drawer?"
"If you think it'll fit. Look at it this way, Elena, you've just got a night of two guys having a lot of fun to clean up after. At least there isn't a corpse to deal with. And you won't get those jobs until after you're no longer a rookie. Enjoy this while you can."
Elena poked at what looked like a come-covered towel with the toe of her shoe. "This is disgusting."
"Welcome to the Turks, sweetheart."
***
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Author: xpaperplanex
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~800
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud (implied)
Genre: humour
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.
Summary: Elena learns that being a Turk isn't quite as glamourous as it first appears.
Just a short bit about who got to deal with the mess in Sephiroth's bathroom. It should be read after Chapter 30 of PoW.
***
Elena read her mission assignment for the third time and still couldn't quite comprehend what she was being asked to do. It was ridiculous! Sure, she was the rookie, but this wasn't what Turks did, was it? She decided to complain. This was probably a test and if she just did it, she'd be kicked out. Decision made, she marched into Tseng's office holding the paper outlining her assignment.
"Sir, is this a joke?" she asked, waving the paper.
Tseng looked up from his computer where he had been typing furiously. He looked really tired; Elena knew that there was a big fuss going on about the mission General Sephiroth had been sent on, but it looked like it was affecting Tseng personally. "Is what a joke?"
Right, the assignment. She'd get that sorted out, then she would find out what was bothering Tseng. "This assignment, with the cleaners, it's a joke, right? I mean, it's not a real assignment, is it?"
"We don't give joke assignments, Elena," Tseng snapped. "Do it."
"But, surely something like this isn't a Turk's duty, is it?"
"You're not a Turk yet. And you won't ever be one if you keep complaining."
Elena decided to not push her luck and fled the office. She came across Rod in the hallway, looking smug.
"So glad you've joined us, Elena. Otherwise we would've had to play rock-paper-scissors to see who had to do it. But since I'm such a nice guy, I'll give you the number for the cleaners we always use." Rod handed over a business card.
"Gee, thanks." Elena took the card with distaste. Midgar Service Pros - for all your cleanup jobs!
"You'll have to find a contractor on your own. I'd recommend finding one that will install plexiglass; you'd probably prefer to not have to do this again. Although, Sephiroth could probably break plexiglass anyways… maybe just plain safety glass would be better."
"What exactly happened? The assignment wasn't too clear. It just says I need to get cleaners and a contractor in to fix General Sephiroth's bathroom."
"What, you want me to spoil the surprise? No way!" Rod gave Elena a thump on the shoulder and headed down the hall to his office. "Mind you keep an eye on them, and don't tell them beforehand whose apartment it is. Not unless you want to deal with an enraged Sephiroth after he finds spy cams in his shower."
Elena sighed and looked at the card Rod had given her; this was hazing, she was almost sure of it. She sighed again and pulled out her PHS. She just couldn't take the risk that it wasn't.
***
"What the hell is this!?" Elena stood at the bathroom door and stared. She had arrived a while before the manual labour was supposed to get there, to check out what exactly needed to be done. She took a step away from the bathroom; away from coppery smell of the dried blood, then hauled out her PHS and dialled Rod's number. "Did he sacrifice an animal?" she demanded as soon as Rod picked up. "Is that the big surprise you didn't want to ruin? The leader of SOLDIER worships demons?"
"Uh… I don't think that's what happened, but good guess. I like how you immediately jump to demon worship. He'll love it. His story is that he slipped in the shower and put his foot through the door. Zack was laughing like a maniac when he told me, though, so I think there's more to it than that. Cissnei wants to change it to Cloud being the one who slipped, just in case it gets out. She doesn't think anyone will buy Sephiroth slipping, got it?"
"Yeah, I've got it."
"And Zack said the bedroom was still pretty messy when he was there. Do Sephiroth a favour and toss anything incriminating or embarrassing in a drawer."
Elena slowly turned and looked at the rest of the bedroom. From the suspiciously stained sheets and towels, to the men's underwear that were obviously too small for Sephiroth, to the lube and the empty bottle of syrup, was there anything that wasn't potentially incriminating or embarrassing? "So, just stuff his whole room in a drawer?"
"If you think it'll fit. Look at it this way, Elena, you've just got a night of two guys having a lot of fun to clean up after. At least there isn't a corpse to deal with. And you won't get those jobs until after you're no longer a rookie. Enjoy this while you can."
Elena poked at what looked like a come-covered towel with the toe of her shoe. "This is disgusting."
"Welcome to the Turks, sweetheart."
***
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