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One Bat Is Never Enough:
A Tale of Has Beens and Never Was
By: Jeff "TYRANASAURUS" Rexrode
Starring:
Michael Keaton
Val Kilmer
George Clooney
&
Chris O’Donnell
Special Guest Appearances by:
Arnold Swarzenneger
Christopher Walken
&
Adam West
Chapter 1
Wednesday June 15, 2005, Opening night, Batman Begins once more. As the blockbuster ends and the crowds emerge from the darkness, three familiar faces make their way through the theater.
“Well that was good but lets face it, it doesn’t touch Batman Returns right?” Keaton opens his mouth and as always crap rolls out.
“HA! Fat chance Keaton, everyone knows Forever is where its at!” Kilmer exclaims.
“Well I thought it wa-----“ stopped before he could finish is Clooney.
“THUT YOUR HOLE CLOONEY YOUR OPINION DOETHN’T MATTER!! Did you even watch Batman & Robin?? God its like you decided to take a dump on everything I tharted!!” Kilmer so rudely interrupts.
“YOU STARTED!?!” Keaton interjects. “If I recall correctly I was Batman first! The only addition YOU made was god damn neon lights, Chris O’Donnell, and for the love of god, NIPPLES!! And don’t even get me started on Clooney!”
“What?? What’d I do??” Clooney wondered.
“2 words, COD PIECE!!”
“I gotta admit, I did hate that.” He agreed.
“YEAH, only becauthe yourth was thmaller then Chrith O’ Donnellth!!” Kilmer chimed in.
“Tell me Val, DO YOU LIKE THE THIRCUTH?!?!? HUH, DO YA, ASSHOLE?? DO YA LIKE THE THIRCUTH???” Clooney strikes back.
“HEY HEY HEY WHOA, KNOCK IT OFF!!” a voice interjects.
“Chris??”
“CHRITH!?!”
“Yeah, whats all this bickering about?!?!?” He asked “I heard some mention of nipples and cod pieces, and I thought that’s gotta be Clooney and Kilmer. Mr. Keaton a pleasure to meet you!” I gotta say, you were a really good Batman…”
“yeah cept the mask didn’t fit his head.” Clooney mutters under his breath an snickers.
“WHAT WAS THAT MR. FACTS OF LIFE!?!?!?”
“Nothin Mr. Mom.”
“OH THAT WAS LOW!”
“Hey you made some good movies, I mean theres Multiplicity….smhh..AHAHAHAHA!!! Ok, Ok that’s not a good example but there was also Jack Frost AHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHIN AT OVER THERE KILMER!?!?!? Should I start in on your magnificent career?? Huh huh, should I?? ok I here I go…….” A distraught Keaton tries to fight back
“WHITE NOITH THUCKED!!! ” Kilmer states promptly.
“Alright that’s it I’ve had enough!! I’m outta here!”
An emotionally hurt Michael Keaton calls himself a cab and makes his way home. Lets hope he doesn’t kill himself before he gets there.
“ Well now that he’s gone, you wanna get something to eat Kilmer?? How bout you Chris??” Clooney asks.
“Thure.”
“Why not, its not like I have a career anyway.” O’Donnell replied “ Let’s take the car….”
“What??”
“WHAT??”
“……chicks dig the car!”
“Oh you’re such a gay!” Clooney says.
“UUAAHHHH DID YOU GUYS SEE ZA MOVIE??”
“Oh no, who invited arny??” Kilmer asks.
“IT IS A COLD NIGHT, IZ IT NOT??”
“Was that a Mr. Freeze joke??” Clooney wonders. “You know you’ve really gotta stop with those, each one is lamer then the next.”
“NOT AS LAME AS YOUR HAIR CUT, UUUAAHHAUSEN!!”
“Hey, what the hell?? You’re the worst freakin governor ever!”
“Nice come back Clooney”
“SHUT YOUR LISPIN HOLE KILMER!!” Clooney fires back.
“Now your makin this PERTHONAL huh!?!”
“GET TO ZE CHOPPA!!”
“………”
“Alright, this has gotten outta hand” O’Donnell interjects.
“SMALL BOY OPENZ ZE MOUF AGAIN AN ILL PUT ZE HEAD THROUGH ZE FLEAKIN WALL, HOW ZAT SOUND?!?!?”
“Right, im outta here.” O’ Donnell yelped as he took off down the street.
“I was the MAYOR of QUAHOG!!” yet another mysterious voice enters the frey.
“Ah, crap. It’s west …..”Clooney uttered.
“I was in the neighborhood and I heard singing, and I when I hear singing, I just have to join in……” Adam west said.
“What the hell is he talking about?? Clooney asked.
“Say, aren’t you Val Kilmer, GEORGE Clooney, and Arnold Swarzenwhatsamahousit????” West asked??
“YAA, WE ARE ZE ONES!!”
“HEEEY, easy big fella. Would you like some gum or perhaps some taffy??”
“no thanks”
“no thanks”
“ILL HAVE SOME FEAKIN TAFFY!!”
“You know, I was in Batman Returns too”
“For the love of god, who wath that??” Kilmer yelled.
“Its me, Chris Walken, I’ve been here, the whole time.” He said. “I gotta say, what you did, to Keaton, was, down right mean. But it was, funny. I enjoyed it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way, because, I’m going to find Keaton, and then, ill go, where ever the sun takes me.”
Just like that Chris Walken was here, and now he’s gone. Our cast is dumbfounded and speechless. The only sound one can hear, is the dripping of saliva from Arnolds lip. Someone must break the silence. Something must be done………
End Chapter 1
An unlikely quartet of Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Arnold Swarzenneger, and Adam West wonder down the dark streets in search of nothing in particular. We saw our hero’s cross paths with Chris Walken who says hes going to find Michael Keaton and let the sun take him where ever it may lead him. What will become of Keaton?? Where did Chris O’ Donnell run to?? Will he return?? Will Adam Wests insatiable love for taffy come in handy?? Who else will our hero’s cross paths with?? Find out what adventures are in store for our hero’s as chapter 2 unfolds in the near future…………….
A Tale of Has Beens and Never Was
By: Jeff "TYRANASAURUS" Rexrode
Starring:
Michael Keaton
Val Kilmer
George Clooney
&
Chris O’Donnell
Special Guest Appearances by:
Arnold Swarzenneger
Christopher Walken
&
Adam West
Chapter 1
Wednesday June 15, 2005, Opening night, Batman Begins once more. As the blockbuster ends and the crowds emerge from the darkness, three familiar faces make their way through the theater.
“Well that was good but lets face it, it doesn’t touch Batman Returns right?” Keaton opens his mouth and as always crap rolls out.
“HA! Fat chance Keaton, everyone knows Forever is where its at!” Kilmer exclaims.
“Well I thought it wa-----“ stopped before he could finish is Clooney.
“THUT YOUR HOLE CLOONEY YOUR OPINION DOETHN’T MATTER!! Did you even watch Batman & Robin?? God its like you decided to take a dump on everything I tharted!!” Kilmer so rudely interrupts.
“YOU STARTED!?!” Keaton interjects. “If I recall correctly I was Batman first! The only addition YOU made was god damn neon lights, Chris O’Donnell, and for the love of god, NIPPLES!! And don’t even get me started on Clooney!”
“What?? What’d I do??” Clooney wondered.
“2 words, COD PIECE!!”
“I gotta admit, I did hate that.” He agreed.
“YEAH, only becauthe yourth was thmaller then Chrith O’ Donnellth!!” Kilmer chimed in.
“Tell me Val, DO YOU LIKE THE THIRCUTH?!?!? HUH, DO YA, ASSHOLE?? DO YA LIKE THE THIRCUTH???” Clooney strikes back.
“HEY HEY HEY WHOA, KNOCK IT OFF!!” a voice interjects.
“Chris??”
“CHRITH!?!”
“Yeah, whats all this bickering about?!?!?” He asked “I heard some mention of nipples and cod pieces, and I thought that’s gotta be Clooney and Kilmer. Mr. Keaton a pleasure to meet you!” I gotta say, you were a really good Batman…”
“yeah cept the mask didn’t fit his head.” Clooney mutters under his breath an snickers.
“WHAT WAS THAT MR. FACTS OF LIFE!?!?!?”
“Nothin Mr. Mom.”
“OH THAT WAS LOW!”
“Hey you made some good movies, I mean theres Multiplicity….smhh..AHAHAHAHA!!! Ok, Ok that’s not a good example but there was also Jack Frost AHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHIN AT OVER THERE KILMER!?!?!? Should I start in on your magnificent career?? Huh huh, should I?? ok I here I go…….” A distraught Keaton tries to fight back
“WHITE NOITH THUCKED!!! ” Kilmer states promptly.
“Alright that’s it I’ve had enough!! I’m outta here!”
An emotionally hurt Michael Keaton calls himself a cab and makes his way home. Lets hope he doesn’t kill himself before he gets there.
“ Well now that he’s gone, you wanna get something to eat Kilmer?? How bout you Chris??” Clooney asks.
“Thure.”
“Why not, its not like I have a career anyway.” O’Donnell replied “ Let’s take the car….”
“What??”
“WHAT??”
“……chicks dig the car!”
“Oh you’re such a gay!” Clooney says.
“UUAAHHHH DID YOU GUYS SEE ZA MOVIE??”
“Oh no, who invited arny??” Kilmer asks.
“IT IS A COLD NIGHT, IZ IT NOT??”
“Was that a Mr. Freeze joke??” Clooney wonders. “You know you’ve really gotta stop with those, each one is lamer then the next.”
“NOT AS LAME AS YOUR HAIR CUT, UUUAAHHAUSEN!!”
“Hey, what the hell?? You’re the worst freakin governor ever!”
“Nice come back Clooney”
“SHUT YOUR LISPIN HOLE KILMER!!” Clooney fires back.
“Now your makin this PERTHONAL huh!?!”
“GET TO ZE CHOPPA!!”
“………”
“Alright, this has gotten outta hand” O’Donnell interjects.
“SMALL BOY OPENZ ZE MOUF AGAIN AN ILL PUT ZE HEAD THROUGH ZE FLEAKIN WALL, HOW ZAT SOUND?!?!?”
“Right, im outta here.” O’ Donnell yelped as he took off down the street.
“I was the MAYOR of QUAHOG!!” yet another mysterious voice enters the frey.
“Ah, crap. It’s west …..”Clooney uttered.
“I was in the neighborhood and I heard singing, and I when I hear singing, I just have to join in……” Adam west said.
“What the hell is he talking about?? Clooney asked.
“Say, aren’t you Val Kilmer, GEORGE Clooney, and Arnold Swarzenwhatsamahousit????” West asked??
“YAA, WE ARE ZE ONES!!”
“HEEEY, easy big fella. Would you like some gum or perhaps some taffy??”
“no thanks”
“no thanks”
“ILL HAVE SOME FEAKIN TAFFY!!”
“You know, I was in Batman Returns too”
“For the love of god, who wath that??” Kilmer yelled.
“Its me, Chris Walken, I’ve been here, the whole time.” He said. “I gotta say, what you did, to Keaton, was, down right mean. But it was, funny. I enjoyed it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way, because, I’m going to find Keaton, and then, ill go, where ever the sun takes me.”
Just like that Chris Walken was here, and now he’s gone. Our cast is dumbfounded and speechless. The only sound one can hear, is the dripping of saliva from Arnolds lip. Someone must break the silence. Something must be done………
End Chapter 1
An unlikely quartet of Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Arnold Swarzenneger, and Adam West wonder down the dark streets in search of nothing in particular. We saw our hero’s cross paths with Chris Walken who says hes going to find Michael Keaton and let the sun take him where ever it may lead him. What will become of Keaton?? Where did Chris O’ Donnell run to?? Will he return?? Will Adam Wests insatiable love for taffy come in handy?? Who else will our hero’s cross paths with?? Find out what adventures are in store for our hero’s as chapter 2 unfolds in the near future…………….