i'm becoming disillusioned...
and i'm realizing that i need to make a big change, and i'm almost ready to do it. i just need courage, which is something i never thought i lacked. it takes a hellofalot of courage to do something that's going to hurt you and someone else so bad at first, but that you know will be better in the end. i just have to keep on teling myself that this is the right thing to do, and that i'm not alone. i HAVE to step out of this comfort zone, because it is suffocating me. and i'm resenting. but i'm not sure how to bring this change about.
once i thought that i never wanted to get married, because i didn't want someone to be with me just because of a piece of paper, and the hassle of divorce.
now i'm thinking that i want a relationship without the name of relationship attached to it, the rules and nuances attached. because those rules and nuances differ from person to person and complicates things. i just want someone to be with me because they want to. not because its what you're suppose to do if you have a girlfriend. i dont want someone making different choises than they normally would because they are with me. i want a partner. a lover. i dont think that just because you're in a relationship that you have to stop doing what you want (of course to some degree). your decisions shouldn't change, your actions shouldn't change. you shouldn't be going against who and what you are to satisfy someone else, just because someone put a title on the connection that you have with somebody.
once i thought that i never wanted to get married, because i didn't want someone to be with me just because of a piece of paper, and the hassle of divorce.
now i'm thinking that i want a relationship without the name of relationship attached to it, the rules and nuances attached. because those rules and nuances differ from person to person and complicates things. i just want someone to be with me because they want to. not because its what you're suppose to do if you have a girlfriend. i dont want someone making different choises than they normally would because they are with me. i want a partner. a lover. i dont think that just because you're in a relationship that you have to stop doing what you want (of course to some degree). your decisions shouldn't change, your actions shouldn't change. you shouldn't be going against who and what you are to satisfy someone else, just because someone put a title on the connection that you have with somebody.