(no subject)
wellwell tina called me last night sayign all this crap like oh brenna told me that you were saying i was a skank and that i need but a** beat. i was like no i never called you that. haha but i never said that she didnt need her ass beat. casue she does rawr rawr fucking rawr she pisses me off. she doesnt deserve him and asked if i was trying to get with steven to and i was like i was but not anymore cause i heard you guys were getting back together. and haha well i lied yeah i triedc ot get with steven and steven said he wanted get with me soon too so wtfever. -bitch slap-rawr. so lastnight was ok i talked to matt collins and we had a really good conversationa nd i think we finally understand eachother now. lol, but whatev.today is britts party and im hella excited i dont know what im doing tommorrow night though. i got invited to go to a party at my ex's house and umm well im not sure that it would be a good idea to go becasue i know "stuff" will happen between us that i might regret so yeah. but as each day goes by i want ot be with him more.-frustration- he tells me he still loves me and everything but i dont know my mom hates him and stuff and doesnt even want me to be around him so i dont know how that would ever work out.hmm who knows. but i do still love him. gawd i want a boyfriend. really bad. grr but whatever, im sick of being sad especially casue the holidays are coming up and my dad left at xmas time which sucks so i always have a bittersweet xmas now. i miss him though i really do i wish he was still in my life, yet other times i hate him for putting me and my mom in the situation we're in. gawd its so mixed. i still keep in touch with his side of the family and at times i think about just running away when i turn 16 and going to find him. i think abou that more and more the closer i get to my birthday. but i dont know. i dont hink i could do it. yet thers osmething in me that knows i can weird huh? yeah well who knows. my cell phone got shut off cause we didnt pay the bill cause we dont have the money, and our water almost got shut off too gawd we're so broke right now my mom event old us that she didnt want xmas but she only wanted me and gma to have it.so yeah i dont know it kinda made me feel like shit. but theres nothing i can do about it b/c she has already bought all my presents and we cant return them so yeahi dont know. well i lov eyou all
<333Courtney
<333Courtney