A Relationship in Jeopardy
Things happen, and I never really take the time to ruminate the consequences.
Regret is something I often try to evade, but somehow it's always making its U-turn on me. I admit, I can be reckless, but who can blame me? I'm still in love with him. Sometimes, I do things out of whim, and a lot of those times, it's for the wrong intentions.
Here's the story: Last night, he went to a dance with a girl he is currently dating, thus I decided to occupy the night with friends in order to deter myself from thinking about the situation. As it turns out, my friends & I ended up not having anything to do. So being the impulsive person that I am, I said, "Hey, why don't we crash a school's dance?" Of course, I was directly referring to the dance that he happened to be at. And with nothing better to do, we drive over there. Unfortunately, we were absolutely clueless as to how to sneak into the dance without suspection & we stood outside the doors for about 5 minutes & left (we're amateurs at being rebellious). Yeah, so much for spontaneity.
This morning, I was stupid enough to tell him about my futile escapade. I presumed he would find the situation amusing, but instead, he was offended. He accused me of intending to "keep track of him." In other words, he assumed that my objective was to spy on him. I refuted that those were never my intentions, and that I simply wanted to do something spontaneous. He didn't believe me. It wasn't until after our argument that I realized, maybe he's right, I did it for the wrong reasons.
I have told myself time & time again that I need to learn to be stronger during our temporary separation--and I call it temporary because he & I are supposedly giving each other space for now. And if you're wondering, we still maintain a close bond with each other. Since our breakup, however, there are times that I tend to be selfish, just to gain the assurance that he still cares about me. It's wrong I know, but I'm trying. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and perhaps it's true. I just need to give it time & let him have his life without me imposing.
I slightly regret telling him. He lost some of his trust in me. Above all, I regret coming up with the lame idea of attempting to sneak into the dance, if I had known that it would turn out this way between us. Lesson learned: don't do anything reckless that sabotages the relationship. My resolution to all this: learn to be more secure with my independence.
I just hope that all this will turn out for the better in the end.
XOXO - hannah
Regret is something I often try to evade, but somehow it's always making its U-turn on me. I admit, I can be reckless, but who can blame me? I'm still in love with him. Sometimes, I do things out of whim, and a lot of those times, it's for the wrong intentions.
Here's the story: Last night, he went to a dance with a girl he is currently dating, thus I decided to occupy the night with friends in order to deter myself from thinking about the situation. As it turns out, my friends & I ended up not having anything to do. So being the impulsive person that I am, I said, "Hey, why don't we crash a school's dance?" Of course, I was directly referring to the dance that he happened to be at. And with nothing better to do, we drive over there. Unfortunately, we were absolutely clueless as to how to sneak into the dance without suspection & we stood outside the doors for about 5 minutes & left (we're amateurs at being rebellious). Yeah, so much for spontaneity.
This morning, I was stupid enough to tell him about my futile escapade. I presumed he would find the situation amusing, but instead, he was offended. He accused me of intending to "keep track of him." In other words, he assumed that my objective was to spy on him. I refuted that those were never my intentions, and that I simply wanted to do something spontaneous. He didn't believe me. It wasn't until after our argument that I realized, maybe he's right, I did it for the wrong reasons.
I have told myself time & time again that I need to learn to be stronger during our temporary separation--and I call it temporary because he & I are supposedly giving each other space for now. And if you're wondering, we still maintain a close bond with each other. Since our breakup, however, there are times that I tend to be selfish, just to gain the assurance that he still cares about me. It's wrong I know, but I'm trying. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and perhaps it's true. I just need to give it time & let him have his life without me imposing.
I slightly regret telling him. He lost some of his trust in me. Above all, I regret coming up with the lame idea of attempting to sneak into the dance, if I had known that it would turn out this way between us. Lesson learned: don't do anything reckless that sabotages the relationship. My resolution to all this: learn to be more secure with my independence.
I just hope that all this will turn out for the better in the end.
XOXO - hannah